Was teacher wrong to say this?

[Whyamisopathetic]

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her,
offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake”

I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

I don't think you work in a very nice or professionally run school.

And whilst it's perfectly fine for younger members of staff to go out together the Christmas and end of year dos should be for ALL staff.

My school had a range of ages of staff and we got on brilliantly and some of us even went away together - with a twenty year gap between oldest and youngest

@NeverDropYourMooncup makes a fair point about not upsetting your support. She will find out the hard way, sooner or later, that folks never forget a kindness or an unkindness. Favours given and received help to make a different job run along more smoothly.
Towards the end of my time teaching, I was mildly apprehensive to learn that my new "parallel", ie the other teacher with the same Year group, so lots of swapping and cooperation, was literally young enough to be my daughter; her DM would have been in the same school year as me back in the day.
We hit it off and saw eye to eye right from the get go, both able to play to our strengths. The boys soon realised that we were "singing from the same hymnsheet" and that can be invaluable when promoting good discipline.
I feel your colleague's bullying says something about her own insecurities - what's so dreadful about being older and more experienced? Nobody can sustain being the bright young whizz kid all that long.

This is lovely but would never happen in our school.

It's lucky for you that she only says these things in front of an "audience ". That means you have witnesses, which will come in very useful when you report her for ageism and suggest she needs EDI training, so that she doesn't pass on her bigotry to the children. Good luck.

She sounds vile and I would absolutely report her. Every time she makes a comment ask her 'did you intend to embarras me? / be ageist? etc ' and turn the comment back on her. I'm 50 and have a rep for not suffering fools gladly. Do not offer her anything else or converse unless you are responding to her ridiculous comments.

On it's own - rude but could brush it off.

In context with all the other stuff - WTF is her problem? I would be making a formal complaint. Her behaviour is unacceptable

Edited for typos

It sounds to me like her teenager/early 20 years were spent having kids and looking after young babies and now she's living out those silly carefree years she didn't have then even though she's approaching 30. She never had a chance to go through it and grow out of it.

And I don't mean that as a dig at young mums. It's just that I've seen it several times.

That doesn't mean you should be part of it. The way she's treating you is unacceptable and she should know much better by 29.

She's incredibly rude. And ageist. I would be reporting her to the SLT.

She's a bully, and teaching the children to be one.

As I’ve said before SLT love her. I honestly don’t think anyone would listen to me because they think she’s fantastic. She even retold the comment she made to me, about being at the end of my lifecycle, in front of the head and the head burst out laughing.

In that case it's time to talk to your union.

And perhaps a formal grievance should include the head being complicit in the bullying behaviour.

You need to start calling her out on it - she's incredibly rude

I know it's hard if you are used to putting up with shitty behaviour but it's not right. Please try - for your own sake and others she is bullying - because she is a bully

Just short sentences

That's not a very nice thing to say
That's quite rude
That's quite mean
Can you repeat that?
Wow, did you really say that out loud?
Ouch!
Seriously?

I am going to wait for her next shitty comment, and then say something. Like I say, I have form for accepting poor behaviour from people and allowing them to speak to me like crap. I really cannot understand her at all. When I worked with her last year she was a NQT and I think she wanted to look good. After a lot of comments about my age I did say I was upset and I thought she’d really got that. We worked together ok from then on. However this year I’m with a different teacher who is her close friend. This teacher is wonderful and we get on great and have a lot of laughs (professionally of course) together. I’m even wondering if she’s jealous that we get on so well. I know I’m only a TA but my current teacher treats me so respectfully. Last year I used to have to take all the teacher’s used cutlery and dirty cups she’d accumulated. My current one barely lets me make her a drink.

I know I have to do this as every time I say nothing I shrink a little more.

If she is NQT or whatever it's called now then she needs bringing up so she learns how to be professional in the workplace

You have got to find a backbone!

I'd have been straight into the Head's office to point out EXACTLY why it's wrong and why she should have pulled her up

Are you in a union? You should be

I would think about having a few 'concrete' phrases to whip out and shut her down when she behaves like this if I were you, to call her out on her behaviour and let her know that it's not ok and you won't tolerate it.

My favourite is 'Are you always this rude or are you just having a bad day?' 😂

Having seen all of your comments, I'd be bringing the culture to the attention of the governors and then looking for a different job.

Next time she says anything, you need to confidently roll your eyes, and say something like "yes Sarah, we all know you hate old people. You're getting a bit boring now". If you embarrass her, she'll realise she can't get under your skin which is her main aim.

I'd find it funny if someone said things like that to me. How are you reacting? Are you laughing along? I think it's a bit harsh to jump to bullying and reporting to HR. Best to let her know that it is upsetting and embarrassing for you to give her chance to change.

Agreed.

You're seriously suggesting that this isn't bullying?

Definitely. This really isn’t funny. The head laughing along as well shows that it’s their culture. And they are teaching children that mocking and belittling people is fine.

Over a period of 17 months with the story of my awful glasses regularly retold.

”Omg! Sorry…I’ve just never seen you in those glasses before (bursts out laughing and is actually doubled over and cannot speak) Your prescription must be so high! Your eyes are bulging”

Following day tells me, that whilst showering that night, she was still laughing uncontrollably about my glasses and shared this with her husband.

Addressing class “Right! Today we are going to be looking at the life cycle. Everyone knows we are born as a baby, grow into a toddler, child, adolescent, adult, old person and then we die. So, take Mrs X (smirking) obviously she has reached the end of her lifecycle” Two children cried and said they did not want me to die.

Addressing class “Many years ago dinosaurs roamed the earth, and no, Mrs X was not around then”

First week we met “Omg no way is that your car. I can’t believe you’d have a car like that being so small”

”You have a new jumper on. Aw bless you the sleeves are too long”

Me as she enters the staff room “I’ve just opened the Christmas cake if you’d like some?” Her response “Urgh yuk! (Or similar) everyone knows only old people eat Christmas cake” Said in front of two brand new members of staff and many others.

Pays a visit to my current class and says to my now teacher whilst I’m standing there. “Omg has Mrs X worn her glasses yet?” Absolutely priceless! They make her eyes bulge…so funny”

Says during a spelling test to her class when I was her TA “Oh! That’s strange! This must be a mistake on the sheet (the word was queue) you don’t spell queue like that, it’s que” I said “Yes that’s correct it’s queue” Totally blanks me and tells them “I will go and ask Miss W (a senior staff member) opens the door and shouts “Miss W, how do you spell queue please?” Making me look stupid as Miss W assumed neither of us knew.

Got another TA to come into class and read a story to them when she had to go to a meeting instead of asking me.

Made constant references to me being rich, regularly telling the children “Mrs X is rich you know”

edited for spelling error

The stuff about your glasses is absolutely unacceptable on its own. Have you informed your union?

I’m not in one unfortunately. Plus it was a year ago, although regularly mentioned.