Was teacher wrong to say this?

[Whyamisopathetic]

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her,
offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake”

I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

Seriously you need to make a formal complaint

This is bullying

It's shocking

If she calls you rich again just reply I guess it would look that way to a poorer person …. And when she references your age height glasses reply at least I’m a kind person unlike some and maybe remind her we all age …apart from that holy water …salt …crucifix and garlic ….maybe an exorcism

She's wrong about Christmas cake. My 10 year old grandson loves it!
She doesn't sound like someone who should be teaching children with that attitude

How are you reacting when these things are said? If you are looking uncomfortable and the head and other teachers aren't responding then the whole workplace is toxic. If you are laughing along people probably think they are laughing with you rather than you being bullied. The glasses thing sounds awful and if someone said that to a junior member of staff in my presence I'd be having a word with them myself. I have a friend who is short and makes jokes herself about her height, I'm one of the oldest in my friendship group and there are jokes about that. The spelling thing makes the qualified teacher look stupid, not you.
You need to make it clear how you feel about what is being said, if you feel that you have already made it clear then make a complaint. Joining a union may be a good idea if you have already made it clear how you feel because if the head is laughing along with it the complaint process may be very difficult for you.

Very unfortunate that you're not in a union. However you should have been beginning the formal complaint process a year ago and it's not too late to start it now given that the behaviour is ongoing.

You are not "only a TA" - you are a vital member of staff that the school couldn't do without. Don't undervalue yourself.

I think you should do some work on your self-esteem and not let her put you down. She's cruel and horrible. Join a union. I think it's important in a school environment - you wouldn't catch a teacher not in one.

Call her out every time!! Tell her she will be your age one day if she is lucky. Make sure others have heard it and make a note of the date, time, comment and witnesses. Then you have all the info you need at hand, and a union can help you through a complaint.

PS if your complaint predates joining a union, they may not represent you, but they should still give you advice.

Write every single comment down or prepare into a draft email and insist on speaking to the head teacher on Monday morning and tell her you wish to make a formal grievance against another member of staff.

You've already tried informal route so now this has to be formal

This is bullying and harassment and age is a protected characteristic.

Don't be afraid of what others think or your new teacher. These are adults who are supposed to be able to identify bullying among children. If they can't identify it among themselves then they really aren't fit for their roles.

You can always get somewhere else but if you did it would be constructive dismissal so I think they would have to resolve this

What a weird woman. Christmas cake is lovely!

Of course I can identify bullying aimed at the children. If I am told of just one unkind word or action from one child to another I make absolutely certain this is spoken about and dealt with.

There will children in the class who wear glasses. How do you think they feel when they hear you being bullied for.the same? How do their classmates treat them, having been shown by their teacher that mocking glasses wearers is acceptable?

She is a nasty bully, and picking on at least 2 protected characteristics - one of which you share with some children in your school - who will also be affected by her behaviour.

If you won't stick up for yourself, stick up for them.

This, absolutely. What other damaging prejudiced stuff has she been imparting to kids? Undermining and maligning a member of staff like that would have you under a disciplinary in most workplaces

She sounds like the school bully who stayed. Ignorant and immature and full of herself. Please mention the immature ageist jokes to your SLT.

Go to your SLT and also your union,

She isn't in a union and says the HT is complicit in the bullying.

I'd make a complaint in writing to the HT, copy in the CoG and make it clear that unless they respond within 7 days you'll be moving to a formal grievance.

I'm sorry that you're working in an environment where you feel you are the recipient of discriminatory comments and that the head is apparently not just condoning but actively encouraging them. This is not right. I feel for you.

It doesn't matter what the intent is. If it's upsetting you, that is what counts. Otherwise, every single harassment case would be brushed off with, "I was just having a laugh, can't you take a joke?" It's making an unpleasant working atmosphere for you, whether intended or not, and that is the point, how the person on the receiving end feels, not how it was intended.

It's not just a one-off comment on a bad day - she's showing a pattern of behaviour, and you are right to feel upset.

I would point out that age is a protected characteristic, that she should acquaint herself better with the 2010 Equality Act, that you don't her rude comments at all pleasant, and if she can't behave professionally by doing it again, you'll be reporting it.

*Over a period of 17 months with the story of my awful glasses regularly retold.

”Omg! Sorry…I’ve just never seen you in those glasses before (bursts out laughing and is actually doubled over and cannot speak) Your prescription must be so high! Your eyes are bulging”

Following day tells me, that whilst showering that night, she was still laughing uncontrollably about my glasses and shared this with her husband.

Addressing class “Right! Today we are going to be looking at the life cycle. Everyone knows we are born as a baby, grow into a toddler, child, adolescent, adult, old person and then we die. So, take Mrs X (smirking) obviously she has reached the end of her lifecycle” Two children cried and said they did not want me to die.

Addressing class “Many years ago dinosaurs roamed the earth, and no, Mrs X was not around then”

First week we met “Omg no way is that your car. I can’t believe you’d have a car like that being so small”

”You have a new jumper on. Aw bless you the sleeves are too long”

Me as she enters the staff room “I’ve just opened the Christmas cake if you’d like some?” Her response “Urgh yuk! (Or similar) everyone knows only old people eat Christmas cake” Said in front of two brand new members of staff and many others.

Pays a visit to my current class and says to my now teacher whilst I’m standing there. “Omg has Mrs X worn her glasses yet?” Absolutely priceless! They make her eyes bulge…so funny”

Says during a spelling test to her class when I was her TA “Oh! That’s strange! This must be a mistake on the sheet (the word was queue) you don’t spell queue like that, it’s que” I said “Yes that’s correct it’s queue” Totally blanks me and tells them “I will go and ask Miss W (a senior staff member) opens the door and shouts “Miss W, how do you spell queue please?” Making me look stupid as Miss W assumed neither of us knew.

Got another TA to come into class and read a story to them when she had to go to a meeting instead of asking me.

Made constant references to me being rich, regularly telling the children “Mrs X is rich you know”*

Bloody hell! I'd have given her a mouthful before now! Making children cry by insinuating that you're at the end of your lifespan is unforgivable!
Time to stand up for yourself OP! Oh and definitely join a union. I pay about £8 a month I think but you really do need that protection.

I agree that this isn’t right and needs to be stopped. But I think - in all these situations - there can be a problem with perception from others if you haven’t spoken up previously and then go in with a formal complaint. Because they won’t know that you’ve been upset for a long time and may be more inclined to accept her assertion that “it was just a joke”. Whereas calling things out publicly (although it’s difficult) means that others get to see these things as part of a pattern in the way that you do. So I’d suggest either/both of:

1. Call out every comment. Either as a “that’s not kind” type response or, as a pp suggested, repeat back what she’s said with a perturbed look (eg “I’m at the end of my lifecycle?”). Other people then get to see your reaction and it will cause them to reflect on the comment and its unkindness.
2. If you know the Head has been party to this, speak to her in confidence and tell her what you’ve put here. That gives the Head a chance to reflect on it and have a word, which will hopefully be enough o stop it. But - if it continues and the Head is forced to take more drastic action - she will feel that an appropriate chance has been given and that is likely to come out in the way that she expresses the situation.

Not nice at all. I feel for you. Hopefully you can get this sorted out in short order. Hopefully it’s the best possible outcome - that this teacher just went too far and genuinely didn’t mean to cause offence- and she will feel remorseful and change her behaviour going forward so that you can work together in a more pleasant environment.

I totally get what you’re saying, but the kids love her! She’s their idol. I’m still with the same class that I was with last year. Our new teacher is wonderful. She’s so kind, knowledgeable, caring, respectful and just all round lovely. However all of the class still refer to last year’s teacher, the bully, as their idol, inspiration and the person they want to become. When she pops into our class, it’s like a celeb has arrived.

After she whole ‘glasses’ incident, a lot of the girls asked me if I was ok. They said no one should make fun of you Miss X. However I think that’s long forgotten.

I think whoever said she is trying to be ‘down with the kids’ is spot on because she’ll discuss her tattoos, and where on her body she had which tattoo and what fake tan products she preferred. The kids loved this! I didn’t think it was appropriate, but nothing she does is ever seen as not ok!!!

A few weeks ago i accidentally said the word ‘telephone’ and one of the year six kids said “Omg Miss X…telephone!!! Do you think you’re in the dark ages? No one says telephone anymore” Tbh I felt pretty stupid as it was in front of a group and they all laughed.

I do feel there is an ageist culture in our school and no one would listen to me.

I would report her to HR for ageism.

People will have to listen if you have experienced bullying and discrimination and can provide evidence. I would recommend that you carefully pick out what is bullying/discrimination and what is due to your low self-esteem. The bullying may have led to the low self-esteem but I do think it's going to be easier to get your points across if you can differentiate the two, eg children laughing at the older generational is pretty typical and I think anyone working with or even raising children would have experienced this and just brushed it off.
Join a Union, point out and make it clear you are upset with every inappropriate comment from the teacher, record it with the date, exactly what was said by you both and who witnessed it. Get support from the union to make a complaint. Maybe reach out to any employee support available, I work for a Local Authority and there is a wellbeing line we can call that provides free advice, counselling, therapy etc, it's independent from the LA and is confidential.

She's a bully and needs to be reported

The more I read the worse she is 😢

Glad you are going to say someone OP - it's absolutely not acceptable for her to belittle you in front of the children or other staff. She 100% needs shutting down

Just keep in mind all of us who will be cheering you on

I would report this and if you have a way to report low level concerns I would. Conversations about tattoos, fake tan etc are not appropriate for the classroom. A teacher should not be friends with pupils and the way this teacher acts is not particularly appropriate.

She sounds like an attention seeking arsehole, and she's got an issue with older women.

She's definitely a bully and takes advantage of your much nicer personality.

I can imagine her having real issues as she ages.

Maybe you can point that out to her " you'll too be older one day "