Was teacher wrong to say this?

[Whyamisopathetic]

Sitting in the staff room today, when one of the teachers came in. I had just opened a Christmas cake and pointed it out to her,
offering her some. Her response was “Urgh no thank you it’s disgusting. Anyway, everyone knows that only old people eat Christmas cake”

I’m the third eldest, out of a staff of thirty. I worked in her class last year, and she was always making digs at my age. She once told the children I’d reached the end of my lifecycle and made reference to me being around when dinosaurs roamed the earth. She’s also made fun of me being small and laughed when she found out the 4x4 was mine. I don’t know why she does this. AIBU to feel upset and embarrassed.

Don't respond. Don't play stupid games.

Report this. Age is a protected characteristic.

I'm 60 and 5 foot tall. I get constant ageist and height related comments. I try to take it all in good humour but I get annoyed when I think if I was getting racist or sexist comments I wouldn't be expected to shake comments off.

The thing is she is absolutely fine a lot of the time, so it’s really confusing snd I keep wondering if she actually realises it’s wrong.

I keep remembering other things she’s said that I’d forgotten. Another teacher asked to see a pic of my DD and said she was pretty and really looked like me. I am absolutely NOT pretty at my age obviously, but DD is. She turned to the other teacher and said she felt sorry for my DD if she looked like me. When I was in her class she was always saying I was rich and would regularly tell the kids ‘Miss X is rich’ Thiing is, I’m most definitely nowhere even close to rich but I do live in a nice area.

She sounds like a horrible bully OP. Start writing down all these things and make a complaint

Sooooooo out of order and rude and from what you've said about her other comments, plain nasty and bullying. Make a note of it all, take it up to another level, not acceptable at all. Vile behaviour, what's her problem??? Sorry you have such a horrible person amongst your colleagues. Xxx

I'm sure they don't think she's as wonderful as you think as word will have got back from her audience. They are most expecting a complaint from you and rightly so. Xx

Time to have a proper talk to her and tell her if she doesn't stop you will go to the governors, union, SLT (hmph I know SLT). Bullies only back off when threatened with a higher consequence. You could even say your (if your have a DP/close friend) has been so upset and angry about what you've told them that they want to report it. Xx

It’s tricky because the teacher I’m with now is very good friends with her. She’s an absolutely wonderful teacher and we get on brilliantly. I’m just worried if I complain it will make things awkward with my current teacher.

I think that you need to have a frank conversation about how unprofessional her behaviour is. You don’t need to say how it makes you feel because her behaviour is wrong even if you didn’t care at all. And agree that if that doesn’t stop it you need to escalate.

It sounds like a scene from Bad Teacher.

the only way with people like this - outside of a formal complaint to bosses - is to fight fire with fire. Think of a few retorts, and then let rip.

Bonus points for things you can say in front of the kids that seem nice but she knows it's a stab in the chest.

Oh for goodness sake. Read the post from the headteacher above and do something about her behaviour. I only hope you can identify bullying if it's directed at the children.

Yes complain. If not for yourself then for the kids. She is teaching them unacceptable behaviour.

Of course I can identify bullying aimed at the children. If I am told of just one unkind word or action from one child to another I make absolutely certain this is spoken about and dealt with.

It very hard to fathom her out, which is why I posted this. She’s good friends with a few teachers and the head absolutely loves her. I keep wondering does she even know she’s being horrible, but she must. However she says it all in such fun that it’s hard to grasp the intent.

In mine she'd be lucky to make it to the end of term in one piece. Apart from the official grievance route (which is absolutely appropriate for the OP to follow), it's remarkable just how much of an unpleasant teacher's day can be made deeply uncomfortable if they've pissed off the support.

I’d say in a smiling way as if I was baffled, “God, why are you always so rude to me?”

This advice is utterly priceless!!

The intent is not the point.

Her comments around children are inappropriate too.

Not that it's particularly relevant but is she a very young teacher? She sounds immature if she's trying to get laughs from being a nasty bully to others.
I can't think of any good come backs right now but I'd be thinking of some one liners to throw back at her. But I can't be petty like that!

It’s Bullying, and needs investigating. The HR Team from the Local Authority shouod be involved. Also an appropriate person shouod investigate, which may not be the Head Teacher.

Get everything down in writing.. times, places, other people who were around, and talk to HR.

She was NQT last year. Her entire class loved her and still bought her presents this year and say she’s their inspiration and role model. Yep! Very depressing that they think this.

She’s 29, married with two young kids at primary. At the last two staff parties she’s got so drunk she had to be put to bed by two other teachers and last year she fell over and needed first aid. She talks about her sex life a lot too.

Edited to say no older members of staff ever attend the staff do’s as we’d feel out of place.

I get this a lot OP. A lot of comments about "your generation" eg when I mentioned listening to the radio in the car (apparently no-one does this any more). I also feel strangely disempowered to come back at it, probably due to being sure I'll be labelled a Karen 😤

I tend to keep my age quiet but it's clear I'm older than almost all of the teachers (I retrained in my early 40s) and the under 30s are all very close and socialise together.

*She was NQT last year. Her entire class loved her and still bought her presents this year and say she’s their inspiration and role model. Yep! Very depressing that they think this.

She’s 29, married with two young kids at primary. At the last two staff parties she’s got so drunk she had to be put to bed by two other teachers and last year she fell over and needed first aid. She talks about her sex life a lot too.

Edited to say no older members of staff ever attend the staff do’s as we’d feel out of place.*

So she's trying to be the 'cool' teacher and 'down with the kids'.
I'd definitely get some one liners under my belt to throw back at her then!

I'm a teacher and her behaviour is weird. Maybe she has psychological issues