AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?

[DeliciousDonuts]

For context, we are both 23 years old, and this is my first ever serious relationship. I will be honest, I am a bit naive when it comes to romantic relationships, I’ve never really had the chance to date much and I don’t know what a “good” partner/guy looks like? If that makes any sense? My Dad is a pile of dirt who cheats like no tomorrow, and the few friends I’ve got, have gotten unlucky with men of our age so far.

I’ll just cut straight to the chase, my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon that he sleeps with every night that I am not there. Its like one of those serpent dragons that you’d see in Chinese or Japanese folklore. He hugs it, works on it to add details, hand washes it etc.

I’m just really struggling to understand why a 23-year old guy would need this? Its not like this stuffed animal is a childhood toy either, he literally builds a new one every year just “for the fun of it”.

It makes even less sense, because he just seems so… “normal” otherwise? He’s not coping with trauma, his family is so loving, he’s emotionally intelligent, very confident in his own skin (to the point of openly discussing the damn thing with his friends on occasion.)

Am I just… overthinking things here? Trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t anything wrong at all? My gut tells me there is something wrong about this situation, but I’d really appreciate some other perspectives on this.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he's been an amazing first boyfriend (especially looks wise, he’s like an asian Robert Pattinson.) But I cannot ignore my feelings about his stuffed animal, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s adamant about having one for the foreseeable future.

As I said before, I’m not very experienced in dating or men, and would appreciate any perspectives you can all give on the matter. Am I being reasonable in considering breaking up? Is it a bit of a mixed bag? Perhaps not?

I'm 49 and sleep with a soft toy too....my husband never had a problem with it. It's up to you if you want to go out with this boyfriend.

Can we see a picture? How does a 15-20ft long dragon even fit in the bed?

He's not sexualising the stuffed toxic, or taking any deviant pleasure from it.

There are adverts for pillows whereby you can sleep (for comfort) with a "hug" pillow that supports your hip and shoulder, there are pillows advertised to pregnant ladies that provide body support in the right places meaning more restful sleep - is it that the "toy" supports and provides comfort to sleep?

Are you sure it's a 20ft dragon?

That sounds rather extreme...

You don’t sound like a good partner . Seems to me he’s the one giving and you’re doing all the taking . Bin him off and let him find a dragon loving partner with similar interests

If that his is only quirk, consider yourself lucky.

It's not usual, but I wouldn't say it's a bad sign or worrying on its own at all. I would say in combination with the fact that you're his first relationship and he seems to be such a catch in every way, in combination with the stuffed animal, is something you can think about if you want to ponder on something. It could just be a sign that he's quite sheltered, or it could be that this is a harmless inclination that he's happy to put time and effort into and isn't fussed about what people will think.
I have a security blanket which I've had my whole life, but in my case it's combined with a lot of other things and everyone who is aware of that and has still been in a position to be informed of my sleeping arrangements has taken it in their stride!

I'm just imagining Pete's Dragon.

Sounds like he use it like one of those full length pillows

Sounds fine to me.

If he preferred it when you were there then maybe that would be a problem but this sounds like a nice combination of a hobby and a comfortable way to sleep.

I thought by 'stuffed animal' you meant a taxidermised badger, which would have been unreasonable.

My best friend has a pregnancy pillow. He’s a 30 year old man and sleeps with it every night 😂 He’s never had a pregnant girlfriend but has it to make sleeping more comfortable.

20ft?!! How big is his room?

If that’s the worse thing you can say about him then you’re in luck.

Relationships are give and take and understanding our partners are not perfect.

They will have flaws as you do and honestly this does not seem like that big a flaw.

Sorry but we really need to see a photo - 20 feet long?!?! 🕵

That would be out my bedroom door and half way down the stairs!

I’m struggling to picture this 15-20 feet long dragon. 15 feet would be more than twice the length of his bed and longer than an average sized bedroom 😳

You've got the ick and whether reasonable or not it's difficult to go back from that now

To put into some perspective - the average height of a two storey house in the UK is 20ft.

This stuffed toy might very well be annoying but it’s not 20ft.

You can dump someone for any reason at all. You are allowed in all circumstances. People, particularly women are told to give a reason. Nope. The reason can be, 'I don't like your face' if you want. Two people start a relationship, one person leaves. You don't need the other person to agree you're allowed.

However, He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Good luck if you think most men are emotionally intelligent, confident and will get up at 4.30am to drive you to work when they don't have to. He sounds like a gem. He may not be the gem for you, and that's OK, but his dragon is fine.

36 here, had a cuddly dog I’ve slept with until I had my first child and kept thinking it was her I was squashing.

He sounds lovely.

If it was very thin and coiled up it could be 20ft.

How big is his bed, 20ft seems extreme. I still sleep with a cuddly toy, comfort has no upper age limit.

Yes to this ^
and hand washing makes sense as otherwise it might affect decorations or whatever he adds or shrink the thing. And he adds whatever he adds for fun, like some people buy t-shirts or socks or bedding with characters or slogans.
I don’t do anything like these but I’m quite boring type, I openly admit it. I’m suspicious even about coloured socks, luckily for me DH preferred black ones when we met 30 years ago.

It would put me right off.

50 here. And when I moved in with my husband 28 years ago, I bought him his own stuffed toy as I kept waking up in the night and he had stolen mine :D