AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?

[DeliciousDonuts]

For context, we are both 23 years old, and this is my first ever serious relationship. I will be honest, I am a bit naive when it comes to romantic relationships, I’ve never really had the chance to date much and I don’t know what a “good” partner/guy looks like? If that makes any sense? My Dad is a pile of dirt who cheats like no tomorrow, and the few friends I’ve got, have gotten unlucky with men of our age so far.

I’ll just cut straight to the chase, my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon that he sleeps with every night that I am not there. Its like one of those serpent dragons that you’d see in Chinese or Japanese folklore. He hugs it, works on it to add details, hand washes it etc.

I’m just really struggling to understand why a 23-year old guy would need this? Its not like this stuffed animal is a childhood toy either, he literally builds a new one every year just “for the fun of it”.

It makes even less sense, because he just seems so… “normal” otherwise? He’s not coping with trauma, his family is so loving, he’s emotionally intelligent, very confident in his own skin (to the point of openly discussing the damn thing with his friends on occasion.)

Am I just… overthinking things here? Trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t anything wrong at all? My gut tells me there is something wrong about this situation, but I’d really appreciate some other perspectives on this.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he's been an amazing first boyfriend (especially looks wise, he’s like an asian Robert Pattinson.) But I cannot ignore my feelings about his stuffed animal, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s adamant about having one for the foreseeable future.

As I said before, I’m not very experienced in dating or men, and would appreciate any perspectives you can all give on the matter. Am I being reasonable in considering breaking up? Is it a bit of a mixed bag? Perhaps not?

Funny that 🤣

I’d take a soft boy who values comfort and isn’t ashamed to be connected to his emotions every annd any day. Unless there are other red flags I don’t see this as an issue.

My DP has to deal with me rotating between favourite stuffed animals. He is always happy to buy me a new one for a special occasion. It’s sweet, innocent, soft. They are nice to cuddle, they are good to use as a pillow. I like to feel the material, helps with anxiety. There’s nothing nefarious and I love him even more for being so comfortable with me being myself.

Also a particularly large one is basically just a colourful body pillow. I’d be a lot more concerned if he wasn’t washing it.

Has anyone seen the giant weighted anxiety stuffed animals? Maybe it’s similar

This will be my DS when he grows up.
He has to have pillows or something to lay on/cuddle to have a good night's sleep.

You said its only when your not there, so I don't see the issue.

It's something that can easily be kept between the 2 of you as its in the bedroom.

What does he do with the others as I’m fascinated does he sell them, donate mmmm

That’s a really good point- think of it that way OP - with a twist! 🐉🐲

Break up with him, and let someone else be with him who appreciates what he does, and his dragon. It sounds awesome.

It's certainly pretty odd. But it would only bother me if any of the following applied:

• He was humping it or using it for wanking purposes
• He expected me also to share the bed with it when I stayed over
• He talked about it like it was real or was twee/weird about it

I sleep with two pillows - one horizontally to rest my head on and the other one vertically which I sort of hug. I've always slept like that. So it's possible your boyfriend is just using his toy dragon like that, I suppose.

However, if it bothers you, it is absolutely fine to break up with him for that reason. If something is a massive turn-off for you or you find it weird or uncomfortable, you are fully entitled to feel that way and you are fully entitled to split from someone over it. You don't other people to validate your choice.

Maybe he's normal because of this? It gives him a creative outlet. I'm actually really impressed by this.

I'm 56 and sleep with an octopus plushie.

You've said it bothers you @DeliciousDonuts , but you haven't really mentioned why, beyond a vague sense that grown men shouldn't have soft toys.

If that's the case, then investigate why you feel that grown men shouldn't have soft toys. What is the actual reason it's putting you off. Do you think it makes him more feminine, less masculine? Or are you just embarrassed that he talks to his friends about it?

You've said that this is your only real issue with him, and it seems daft to throw away such a good relationship over something so trivial. It it gives you the ick so much that you can't get past it, then so be it, but I think you owe it to both him and the relationship to interrogate exactly why it bothers you so much.

You're welcome 😊

I'm 67 mislaid at the moment but I have a Jellycat Otter which I bought 2 years ago. It's lovely and soft to cuddle in bed. Off to find it

Yabu to let something imaginary and made up bother you so much

Everyone is different, but.... YANBU.

OP: I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

I’m afraid to say I think you have an unrealistic expectation of most men. It’s a shame you hadn’t dated some typical twats first so you could appreciate these diamond qualities that few men/people possess let alone all of the ones you’ve listed.

It sounds like you’ve been really lucky with your first bf, it’s just a shame you met him now rather than a few years down the line.

It’s also a real shame men are judged more severely when it comes to stuff like this than women. If he was in his 40’s+ many would say he’s a perv or at least an oddball.

I’m 56 and have a 6’ fluffy pillow called Mr MayaPinion 2. I sleep snuggled into him when Mr MayaPinion is away overnight (he travels regularly for work). Your boyfriend sounds amazing and the dragon makes him sound more attractive, not less. Life is hard and if we find things that we like and give us comfort we should grab them with both hands. If you don’t like him throw him back because he will be snapped up by someone who appreciates him and his dragon in minutes.

When my husband works away, I have a 5ft crocodile that sleeps in his spot 😅 I hate the cold, empty space and end up stuck in the duvet if I don’t 😂

Dc16 sleeps with a massive soft toy monkey still. Sometimes it's just nice to cuddle something and go to sleep

Puts you on a pedestal?
Does he allow you to prioritise friends sometimes?

Beware of " love bombing " look it up
But unless his bedroom is huge it is not 20 foot long soft toy.
Please take a measure tape and report back

In my opinion, this lovely man oughtn’t let the relationship “Drag on” 🐉🐲 with this rather judgemental woman.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Um... they don't, though. Most men just don't.

Have you actually seen the dragon, OP? Are you sure it’s not a euphemism?

I think he sounds lovely, and I want to see a picture of the dragon.

This does rather read like something someone pulled from Reddit.

Dump him, he deserves an upgrade.
Also learn how long a foot is because I bet you it is not 20ft. Is it more than 3 times longer than his bed??

I make soft toys - mini ones mind because I have neither the time nor patience (nor money nor space) to make a 20ft dragon (which for the avoidance of doubt, sounds awesome!)... my partner (male, nearly 50) not only makes soft toys sometimes but has made a bag that is a teddybear wearing batwings... took it apart to examine where he'd made errors, then felt sad for 'murdering' the bat bear bag... so put it back together to retire it to a shelf.

Anyway you're much better off with some bland person who has no interests and doesn't dare do anything even vaguely unusual. Much safer for you.