AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?

[DeliciousDonuts]

For context, we are both 23 years old, and this is my first ever serious relationship. I will be honest, I am a bit naive when it comes to romantic relationships, I’ve never really had the chance to date much and I don’t know what a “good” partner/guy looks like? If that makes any sense? My Dad is a pile of dirt who cheats like no tomorrow, and the few friends I’ve got, have gotten unlucky with men of our age so far.

I’ll just cut straight to the chase, my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon that he sleeps with every night that I am not there. Its like one of those serpent dragons that you’d see in Chinese or Japanese folklore. He hugs it, works on it to add details, hand washes it etc.

I’m just really struggling to understand why a 23-year old guy would need this? Its not like this stuffed animal is a childhood toy either, he literally builds a new one every year just “for the fun of it”.

It makes even less sense, because he just seems so… “normal” otherwise? He’s not coping with trauma, his family is so loving, he’s emotionally intelligent, very confident in his own skin (to the point of openly discussing the damn thing with his friends on occasion.)

Am I just… overthinking things here? Trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t anything wrong at all? My gut tells me there is something wrong about this situation, but I’d really appreciate some other perspectives on this.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he's been an amazing first boyfriend (especially looks wise, he’s like an asian Robert Pattinson.) But I cannot ignore my feelings about his stuffed animal, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s adamant about having one for the foreseeable future.

As I said before, I’m not very experienced in dating or men, and would appreciate any perspectives you can all give on the matter. Am I being reasonable in considering breaking up? Is it a bit of a mixed bag? Perhaps not?

My adult son sleeps with a complicated combination of folded and wrapped blankets that I call him a burrito as a joke. He presumably likes the sensory side of things. I sleep with one foot in and one foot out of the blanket which is my weird quirk. I want the safety of being under the blanket but also get hot and suffocated by blankets and this works for me. It’s weird but I sleep alone so 🤷‍♀️

I recently replaced the generic pillow that I use for shoulder support with a stuffed animal. As soon as I saw it I knew was the perfect size and shape as opposed to the official product. Plus it’s cute. I’m sleeping so much better because my shoulder is better supported. I’m in my 50s.

Besides, life without whimsy is boring.

If it puts you off, it puts you off

What does he say when you tell him this.....that you aren't sure you can continue to date him because of Puff?

It’s a body pillow. Lots of people have them.

All men have quirks and hobbies. The trick is to find ones you can live with.

This would be a ridiculous thing to break up over if in other respects he's great.

So he has a bit of a weird hobby... It's not hurting anyone else and it sounds creative.

I agree with this poster , you sound naive. I don't know many people who would be happy to drive their partner to work at 5am all the time , or watch TV shows they dislike all the time.

Honestly from what you've described he sounds like a great partner with a lot of good qualities. I'd think carefully about potentially breaking this off because of one minor thing like this. However , at the end of the day if it really bothers you and you can't shake that feeling then you can't change that , just be prepared that not all relationships will be like this.

This, really. You can break up with a man because he has tassels on his shoes. Or has a massive stuffed dragon. Or for no reason at all beyond you want to.

It's your choice. But if he's someone you do love spending time with, find attractive, and who treats you well, in your position I'd want to consider if I really did think the dragon was a deal-breaker.

Ha!

Please can I see a picture of your 20 foot long hand decorated animal shaped ‘body pillow’? Think I’ve missed this craze.

Or just to live with them full stop. The more men who have harmless preoccupations/hobbies the better. It keeps them out of trouble. Just look at the state of the men in this world who have made politics, conspiracy and worse their hobby.

Even ones that sleep with 20ft stuffed dragons…

Is this why I can’t get a boyfriend? Cos I’m a nearly 40 year old woman sleeping with all my stuffys?? Meh well! At least I get a comfy nights sleep! 🤣

Is it actually 20 feet long? Like three times the length of the bed?

When you say he builds it do you mean he is sewing them himself as a kind of hobby?

It is an unusual hobby if so, though it’s not sinister sounding. You can break up with him for any reason, it’s never unreasonable to do so. But perhaps you can learn to live with it as just a human quirk, if he’s great in other ways.

I just can’t see an issue with this.

(Other than echoing PPs’ queries about the size of the thing)

I don't see the issue and I also need to know where he got the dragon from

I mean it's not something that would make me more attractive to him. But he sounds like a decent guy and so it would seem harsh to break up for one inconsequential habit that you don't like much. I think you'll struggle to find anyone to date who doesn't do or have something that you find irritating (or have no habits or objects that someone else finds irritating). The fact you're breaking up over something that doesn't really affect you makes it sound like you don't really like him that much (or enough to overlook this quirk)

I have scoured the internet to find a 20ft cuddly dragon and I am disappointed that nothing comes up. Can you please ask your boyfriend where he got it as I would like to buy one.

42yo married mum here and I sleep with my childhood ted a lot of the time
Not huge though

A 20 ft long dragon is actually impressive. Does he have other DIY qualities?

I mean, it does sound weird. But if that's his only flaw, my advice is roll with it, there's much worse out there.

True...

He makes a new one every year. Perhaps
you can enquire about last years! They can’t possibly store all the 20ft dragons…

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Not to be mean but you do say yourself that you've naive about relationships... most men do not do these things... he sounds really lovely and I think hobbies are great for people to have, can be very personal, you don't need to understand why necessarily he has this hobby over a different one.
If you have the ick then that might be it but if you want other peoples perspectives, there are so many worse 'hobbies' he could have and much weirder personality traits than having a stuffed toy to sleep with!

Home made.

Maybe he could start a business.