AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?

[DeliciousDonuts]

For context, we are both 23 years old, and this is my first ever serious relationship. I will be honest, I am a bit naive when it comes to romantic relationships, I’ve never really had the chance to date much and I don’t know what a “good” partner/guy looks like? If that makes any sense? My Dad is a pile of dirt who cheats like no tomorrow, and the few friends I’ve got, have gotten unlucky with men of our age so far.

I’ll just cut straight to the chase, my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon that he sleeps with every night that I am not there. Its like one of those serpent dragons that you’d see in Chinese or Japanese folklore. He hugs it, works on it to add details, hand washes it etc.

I’m just really struggling to understand why a 23-year old guy would need this? Its not like this stuffed animal is a childhood toy either, he literally builds a new one every year just “for the fun of it”.

It makes even less sense, because he just seems so… “normal” otherwise? He’s not coping with trauma, his family is so loving, he’s emotionally intelligent, very confident in his own skin (to the point of openly discussing the damn thing with his friends on occasion.)

Am I just… overthinking things here? Trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t anything wrong at all? My gut tells me there is something wrong about this situation, but I’d really appreciate some other perspectives on this.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he's been an amazing first boyfriend (especially looks wise, he’s like an asian Robert Pattinson.) But I cannot ignore my feelings about his stuffed animal, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s adamant about having one for the foreseeable future.

As I said before, I’m not very experienced in dating or men, and would appreciate any perspectives you can all give on the matter. Am I being reasonable in considering breaking up? Is it a bit of a mixed bag? Perhaps not?

You'd expect most men to drive you to work at 5am even though they start at 9? And to watch TV shows they hate?
It's clear you're a bit naive. If you think the dragon is a turn off then tell him. But if he cuddles up to it when you're not there then how will you know?
Tell him it seems childish. He'll probably still do it but feel the need to hide it from you.
I sleep with a cuddle pillow when alone. Not a dragon, but still. I'm in my mid 40s.
Obviously I'm female but if he's not doing it while you're there is it that much if a problem?

If he builds a new one every year how many has he got, where does he keep them? Sounds like a kind guy who treats you well,

You don't need anyone's permission to dump him, OP. To be honest, if you're deeply inexperienced and only 23, I'd give myself a lot more time to see who's out there.

Hand washing makes sense because a 20ft dragon would not fit in a washing machine…

I thought that too!
It sounds amazing!

Most of the "things you’d expect most men to do regardless" are not things most men do. You have an exceptionally kind, loving and generous boyfriend.

The average bed is just over 6 feet long. If your boyfriend's stuffed dragon is three times as long the bed, then yes, you have a problem. Every house you live in as a couple will have to have a bedroom the size of an aircraft hangar, which will be really expensive.

If the dragon is the size of a body pillow, then it's the equivalent of body pillow, which is not an issue. He sleeps with it because it's comfortable. He builds a new one every year for fun; the same reason you play the games you play and watch the shows you like even though he doesn't get why you like them.

If your "gut tells you there is something wrong about this situation," you either have irritable bowel syndrome or you're looking for a reason to break up with this guy who, at worst, has a sense of fun. Ask yourself why you're looking for a reason.

And I absolutely agree with this post of @MrsTerryPratchett .
Even if you put 6.30 instead of 4.30 not many will do this.

He drives you to work at 5am when he doesn't start until 9am.
I would put up with someone who had a bed with a soft toy in for that.

He's probably just s side sleeper who likes the pillow next to him for support.

I missed the 15-20 foot long!! Our bed is 7ft long, so that's almost 3 bed lengths. I have no rooms in my house with a 20ft long wall

Everyone has their quirks and this seems on the endearing side. I'm impressed that he makes these dragons himself. That's a good crafting skill to have.

Stuffed animals themselves aren't even that unusual. Adults don't really talk about them but many people I know (including both DP and I, though we don't sleep with them) have managed to retain a sentimental one from childhood.

Asian Robert Pattinson you say? Plus all the driving, the shows. You would be crazy to dump him over this. Out of interest I’m of East Asian descent, what are his parents are like? they can be massively over bearing. Have you met them? I mean I never even told my Dad I dated.

Might have to do similar...he keeps taking mine. Says it's very comfortable..... I'm curious about this dragon that op mentioned as sounds amazing

I don't see any harm in it, OP.

Dragons are like Whippets- They curl up small.
dragon🐉🐲

I am normally very skeptical when people here refuse to give details of a hobby because it would be too identifying to anyone who knew them irl, but “building a new 15-20 foot dragon plushie to sleep with every year” might force me to eat my words.

If he was sleeping with another person, I’d be on your side. But, we’re talking about a stuffed animal…

In fact, please do go ahead and dump him. He should probably be with someone less judgy.

How big is the bed? I’m trying to picture a 20 foot stuffed toy being cuddled by a 6 foot man.

He sounds like a great boyfriend but if it gives you the ick then yes, you can dump him for that.

Personally I can’t sew and I’d be fascinated to learn more about the building side of things (I assume that it’s not LEGO or something that I’d consider building )

My sister in law is a psychologist. I recall her telling me that it is quite normal for many adults to sleep with some form of teddy. Even as adults it provides comfort and can help with childhood trauma.

It would put me off, but if it’s literally the only quirk in an otherwise good relationship I wouldn’t end it over that.
Just roll with it (unless there’s no room to roll😀)

What a wonderful person.
You are so lucky OP . The dragon is not a concern believe me.

As long as it's not some naked Manga girl pillow I wouldn't have a problem. It's essentially one of those body pillows which a lot of people use.
Mind you I'm prejudiced I still have my stuffed toy from childhood.

My ex father in law slept with a huge Dragon every night for thirty years until he got divorced.

Love me, love my Bagpuss (I'm nearly 56). And I'm still mourning the loss of my baby hood teddy who went awol during a house move 20 years ago. My late DPs Snoopy is reverently stored with his other previous things.

He sounds like a catch in all areas, but if he's not your lobster, throw him back. If I was 30 years younger lol..... bless him....

You say he works on it and that he talks about it to his friends - I am guessing that they do this in a kind of ironic way, even if you don't quite understand it.

I think you are being a bit mean about this. He could equally say that he is put off by your love of certain games that he doesn't like, yet he plays them with you.

One good thing is that you raised this issue here on the forum rather than with him, as you can vent and then forget about it.

If you end your relationship over this my guess is that you will live to regret it.

That's pretty big 😬
Are you sure about that measurement OP (have an image of OP wrestling an enormous serpent just to get through the bedroom door...)?

Also, I have a grinning t rex on my bed, stuffed obviously.
I'm 52 soonish and I love dinosaurs.

He sounds like a nice chap to me.