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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?

265 replies

DeliciousDonuts · 08/01/2025 14:27

For context, we are both 23 years old, and this is my first ever serious relationship. I will be honest, I am a bit naive when it comes to romantic relationships, I’ve never really had the chance to date much and I don’t know what a “good” partner/guy looks like? If that makes any sense? My Dad is a pile of dirt who cheats like no tomorrow, and the few friends I’ve got, have gotten unlucky with men of our age so far.

I’ll just cut straight to the chase, my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon that he sleeps with every night that I am not there. Its like one of those serpent dragons that you’d see in Chinese or Japanese folklore. He hugs it, works on it to add details, hand washes it etc.

I’m just really struggling to understand why a 23-year old guy would need this? Its not like this stuffed animal is a childhood toy either, he literally builds a new one every year just “for the fun of it”.

It makes even less sense, because he just seems so… “normal” otherwise? He’s not coping with trauma, his family is so loving, he’s emotionally intelligent, very confident in his own skin (to the point of openly discussing the damn thing with his friends on occasion.)

Am I just… overthinking things here? Trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t anything wrong at all? My gut tells me there is something wrong about this situation, but I’d really appreciate some other perspectives on this.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he's been an amazing first boyfriend (especially looks wise, he’s like an asian Robert Pattinson.) But I cannot ignore my feelings about his stuffed animal, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s adamant about having one for the foreseeable future.

As I said before, I’m not very experienced in dating or men, and would appreciate any perspectives you can all give on the matter. Am I being reasonable in considering breaking up? Is it a bit of a mixed bag? Perhaps not?

OP posts:
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AUDHD · 08/01/2025 15:58

Honestly I think you’d be daft to break up with him over this. Not many men would treat you how he does and you may grow to regret it. However if you just can’t get past it then that’s fine but you need to set realistic expectations for future relationships

ManchesterLu · 08/01/2025 15:59

This world is shit and stressful, I feel like we should all get some harmless comfort where we can. He doesn't even sleep with it when you're there, so what's the problem?

dawngreen · 08/01/2025 15:59

What is his birth sign? its the year of the Snake this year. Maybe the dragon is his birth sign.

Dragons hold a significant and rich symbolism in many Asian cultures. In East Asian traditions, such as in China, Japan, and Korea, dragons are revered as powerful and benevolent creatures. They often symbolize strength, power, wisdom, and good fortune.

  • Chinese Culture: The dragon, or "Long" (龙), is a symbol of imperial authority and strength. Emperors were often seen as dragons incarnate. Dragons are believed to control water, rain, floods, and typhoons. They are associated with yang (masculine, active) energy and are a central figure in many myths and legends.
  • Japanese Culture: Dragons in Japan, known as "Ryū" (竜), are often depicted as water deities, residing in bodies of water and bringing good fortune. They are less associated with fire and more with the ocean and rivers, embodying wisdom, strength, and protection.
  • Korean Culture: In Korean mythology, dragons are seen as benevolent beings that bring rain and clouds. They symbolize authority, protection, and agricultural prosperity. Dragons in Korea are often depicted with long beards and are believed to ward off evil spirits.
Overall, the dragon is a symbol of auspicious power in East Asian cultures, representing strength, protection, and good luck. It's fascinating how this mythical creature can embody such profound cultural values and beliefs across different societies.
BlokeHereInPeace · 08/01/2025 16:00

poemsandwine · 08/01/2025 15:56

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Um... they don't, though. Most men just don't.

Male perspective here. We mostly don't get up four hours early. Special occasion, yes, but most days, no. And we wouldn't watch TV shows we don't like. Whether this last thing would continue for ages I have my doubts, so that is something to wonder about.

thiswaypleasethankyou · 08/01/2025 16:01

I reeeaaaaallllly want to see the dragon please

poemsandwine · 08/01/2025 16:01

ManchesterLu · 08/01/2025 15:59

This world is shit and stressful, I feel like we should all get some harmless comfort where we can. He doesn't even sleep with it when you're there, so what's the problem?

Definitely agree with this.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 08/01/2025 16:03

He deserves better ditch hik so he can find someone who will love and appreciate him. I am afraid you're the rotten egg in your relationship and he needs to run a mile. Poor bloke is being used and gets nothing in return. You want someone who will abuse you go find him and then you'll regret dumping him.

dawngreen · 08/01/2025 16:03

My fella used to collect dragon ornaments, and I have a Tia Water Dragon made of wood in my dinning room.

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 08/01/2025 16:05

He sounds lovely, and the fact he talks about it not only to you but to his pals, shows he's emotionally mature too.

But the bottom line is, if you've got THE ICK then absolutely nothing will help you and the only option is to end it. Have you got the ick?! Or are you just a bit flummoxed by the idea of the stuffed animal and now you know it's not that weird you can live with it?

Nextyearhopes · 08/01/2025 16:05

AmIwrong1234 · 08/01/2025 14:44

36 here, had a cuddly dog I’ve slept with until I had my first child and kept thinking it was her I was squashing.

He sounds lovely.

So glad I am not the only one. I am 34.
Of course I can sleep without it, it’s more a sensory thing now tbh - I am used to my arm being at that angle!

MildredSauce · 08/01/2025 16:06

You said he's asian, @DeliciousDonuts - stuffed animals are a lot more popular/mainstream in some cultures. So I feel there's nothing to see here, really?

Note that you talk about him being "the perfect first boyfriend" which to me indicates you're already thinking that he's your starter model and are moving on in your head and heart.

nonbinaryfinery · 08/01/2025 16:06

Hopefully he will find someone that actually appreciates him.

Doggymummar · 08/01/2025 16:08

I'm 55 and have a toy fox and a hedgehog in my bed it wouldn't bother me. I even married a guy who slept with a machete under his pillow, in hindsight that was a mistake

ChopstickNovice · 08/01/2025 16:08

He sounds lovely! As long as he isn't preferring cuddling the dragon to me, this wouldn't bother me.

Pigsinblankets13 · 08/01/2025 16:10

Hilarious

I hope his name is Puff and lives by the sea

WoolySnail · 08/01/2025 16:13

Bottom line, would you prefer a shit boyfriend without a dragon?

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/01/2025 16:14

Why hasn't the OP come back to clarify size, dimensions and what he does with last year's!?!?!

CitizenofMoronia · 08/01/2025 16:14

He deserves better....

vodkaredbullgirl · 08/01/2025 16:16

Awww he's probably best off without you 😆

thescandalwascontained · 08/01/2025 16:16

A lot of people, including me, sleep with a long pillow if they sleep on their sides because it prevents back/joint pain. I don't really see the issue, I'm afraid. He sounds like a lovely, caring, considerate, kind boyfriend. Why would you overlook all that because of the way he sleeps when you're not even there!

Haffiana · 08/01/2025 16:20

I also sleep with a 20 foot imaginary pile of frothy bollocks. It never occurred to me to make a post on here about it - what a good idea!

Tubetrain · 08/01/2025 16:20

15 - 20 feet long? It's three times as tall as him?

Spirallingdownwards · 08/01/2025 16:25

Is "he has a 20 foot dragon" a euphemism?

Trainors · 08/01/2025 16:29

he’s quirky- if he’s not your type of quirky then throw him back but he sounds like an absolute diamond! Getting up at 5 to take you to work! Why can’t you take yourself?