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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should provide childcare during my medical appointment?

251 replies

Pogeatsalltheburgers · 06/01/2025 20:48

I have a minor medical procedure tomorrow. It was the only date and time they had, due to someone else's cancellation. They gave me the appointment this afternoon so no time to plan. It's not a complete emergency but the problem could get worse if left. So I did not want to refuse the appointment.
I have a 9mo baby.
AIBU to think my DH should take a couple of hours off work to hold the baby whilst I have the procedure?
Unfortunately i have no one else who can help.
My DH works in the community in this area so drives around for work.
I know he'd make it work if the appointment was his but he's saying to me 'that's not enough notice, I might not be able to do it' etc and got quite cross with me.
From my perspective he could easily sort things out so he could be there to help me. He's whinging on about how he will have to finish late if he does it and it's made me quite angry tbh...
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to rearrange his work day to be there for a couple of hours? I will not be able to have the procedure done if no one can hold the baby.

OP posts:
Onlyvisiting · 06/01/2025 20:49

Is it his baby?

Onlyonekenobe · 06/01/2025 20:50

No you are not being unreasonable. He’s being extremely selfish and hurtful.

DoloresODonovan · 06/01/2025 20:50

a family emergency, of coure he will be able to take time off
good luck tomorrow,

Original poster
Pogeatsalltheburgers · 06/01/2025 20:51

Onlyvisiting · 06/01/2025 20:49

Is it his baby?

Yes 🤣

Altho maybe if it wasn't I'd have someone else to ask to help!!

But yes it is his baby

OP posts:
MagentaRocks · 06/01/2025 20:51

This is what dependants leave is for. An unexpected emergency. Yanbu.

MummytoE · 06/01/2025 20:51

It's not that he can't, it's that he doesn't want to

Overtheatlantic · 06/01/2025 20:52

He should parent his child, not “provide childcare.”

Narkacist · 06/01/2025 20:52

What on earth is the point of marriage or being together if he doesn’t.

Onlyvisiting · 06/01/2025 20:52

Because assuming it is his child then absofuckinglutely he should be making every effort to be there, and not complaining about it. If he absolutely couldn't get it off without endangering his job it would be different, if it just means he'd need to adjust his hours and worm a bit later to make up then he is a monumental twat.
Does he do any childcare when he's not working? Or is sorting your shared child's care solely your responsibility?

Cluelesssanta · 06/01/2025 20:52

He is selfish and does not value you

Edenmum2 · 06/01/2025 20:53

Of course he should, my DH is no saint but he would do this in a heartbeat - it's bare minimum

DoloresODonovan · 06/01/2025 20:54

OP, tell is where he works and we’ll have a word - do not be cancelling your appointment

Collette78 · 06/01/2025 20:55

No you aren’t being unreasonable.

You are his wife - having a medical procedure… and that’s his child.

Ok it may be inconvenient and unexpected given whatever work commitments he has but tough… he should absolutely be offering you support not being a berk about it.

itsgettingweird · 06/01/2025 20:55

Is he usually this uncaring?

Or is he genuinely concerned his bosses won't be sympathetic to emergency childcare leave and he's projecting that onto you?

Because number 1 you have a DH problem.

Number 2 you have a DH with a problem - but he still needs to take the time off because he's entitled to it and will have to deal with it!

toomuchfaff · 06/01/2025 20:56

No YANBU.

Work - sorry, we have a childcare emergency due to wifes urgent medical appointment. Done. Simple.

Original poster
Pogeatsalltheburgers · 06/01/2025 20:56

MummytoE · 06/01/2025 20:51

It's not that he can't, it's that he doesn't want to

I know!
He's acting like this is all some nonsense.. and it's off the back of him having to change his hours to fit in with me going back to work after maternity leave. So he's being angry about 'taking the piss with his job'
As though this is just me messing about.. and not my actual job and an actual medical appointment.. which his work HAVE TO accommodate (our jobs interlink so it's even in his services best interests that my job is accommodated by his)
I get it's stressful but if it were me I would have said "ok don't worry about it I'll sort it" .. I would not have got arsey with him about it

OP posts:
Dramatic · 06/01/2025 20:58

Yanbu at all. He should be willing to take a minor inconvenience to help you out with a medical appointment. In fact my DH took a whole day off today to take me to and from a medical procedure and has looked after me all day, I'd say this is the bare minimum.

Original poster
Pogeatsalltheburgers · 06/01/2025 20:58

Onlyvisiting · 06/01/2025 20:52

Because assuming it is his child then absofuckinglutely he should be making every effort to be there, and not complaining about it. If he absolutely couldn't get it off without endangering his job it would be different, if it just means he'd need to adjust his hours and worm a bit later to make up then he is a monumental twat.
Does he do any childcare when he's not working? Or is sorting your shared child's care solely your responsibility?

He's generally very good at looking after the kids when he's not working. He's a great dad.. I just think he's being unreasonable about this.
He does take his job very very seriously (to what I think is a ridiculous extent sometimes) and i do admire him for that. But it's not my fault this is when I was given an appointment.
I wish we had family to help but we don't.

OP posts:
buttonousmaximous · 06/01/2025 20:59

Ask him to find another solution.

Original poster
Pogeatsalltheburgers · 06/01/2025 21:00

itsgettingweird · 06/01/2025 20:55

Is he usually this uncaring?

Or is he genuinely concerned his bosses won't be sympathetic to emergency childcare leave and he's projecting that onto you?

Because number 1 you have a DH problem.

Number 2 you have a DH with a problem - but he still needs to take the time off because he's entitled to it and will have to deal with it!

I think it's being uncaring due to being stressed about having to be assertive with his service.
He works for the NHS so theres guilt involved there. But it's not right to get angry at me.

OP posts:
Closetheblinds · 06/01/2025 21:01

Good luck for the procedure, hope it all goes well. He needs to look after his baby. It’s his job too.

Original poster
Pogeatsalltheburgers · 06/01/2025 21:01

buttonousmaximous · 06/01/2025 20:59

Ask him to find another solution.

Yes I did say "well what do you want me to do then?"
But he just flounced off.

OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 06/01/2025 21:01

What's his job? My partner or myself would not be able to take leave at such short notice unless it was an absolute emergency.

skeletonbones · 06/01/2025 21:02

Jeez,yes he should of course do it! My ex was due to look after our baby and had an cancelation appointment come through for the next day for hospital after a long wait for treatment.I had a meeting all afternoon that could not be moved. I had to suck it up as hes my childrens other parent,how could I not?

toomuchfaff · 06/01/2025 21:02

basically the ball is in his court, whatever he does, you dont care, because he has the child while you attend that appointment - end of story. He either comes home to the child, or you drop the kid at his work, but you're attending the appointment.