To think DH should provide childcare during my medical appointment?

[Pogeatsalltheburgers]

I have a minor medical procedure tomorrow. It was the only date and time they had, due to someone else's cancellation. They gave me the appointment this afternoon so no time to plan. It's not a complete emergency but the problem could get worse if left. So I did not want to refuse the appointment.
I have a 9mo baby.
AIBU to think my DH should take a couple of hours off work to hold the baby whilst I have the procedure?
Unfortunately i have no one else who can help.
My DH works in the community in this area so drives around for work.
I know he'd make it work if the appointment was his but he's saying to me 'that's not enough notice, I might not be able to do it' etc and got quite cross with me.
From my perspective he could easily sort things out so he could be there to help me. He's whinging on about how he will have to finish late if he does it and it's made me quite angry tbh...
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to rearrange his work day to be there for a couple of hours? I will not be able to have the procedure done if no one can hold the baby.

A 'great dad'?? He's a disgrace of a man.

He's never ill. Even when he really is. This is a flash point because he will work through the week then be an absolute state across the weekend because really he was too ill to have gone into work. I often feel resentful... and also worried for him.
He went to work today despite his car being stuck in a snowdrift. He got a train and then borrowed another car.. which he drove in treacherous conditions.
He once drove to work through floodwaters. People were genuinely shocked he was in.
He once went in and collapsed because he had pneumonia.
There's just a lot of guilt and pressure and I understand that.. I also work for the NHS I also feel awful if I ever have to take time off.
But we are also a family and sometimes we will have to take time off.

This ⬆️

I have a 9 month old baby
No
We have a 9 month old baby
There you go, fixed it for you.

Emergency leave just like if you were rushed to hospital or vomiting

You're supposed to be a team. Looking after one another aswell as the children.

I have a medical procedure this week, although I've known the date for a while I only got the timings today. DH has not complained at all about the fact he'll be taking me to and from hospital and doing both school runs on his own as I'm not allowed to drive afterwards. It's also a big imposition on him as will need to pick me up 3-5 hours after dropping me off so will interfere with his working day. He's self employed so if not working not earning but as its a medical thing he's happy to do it.

If the situation was reversed I'd be sorting time with work to do the same.

Your DH should be prioritising you and children for something like this.

He cannot do his job to the exclusion of all else in his life. That's not a way to live.

That's a possibility. We do have a babysitter for the older kids.
I'll check if she's available. And I'll tell him to go halves on paying her if she is!!

He can't be a particularly good psychiatrist if he's so lost sight of what's reasonable or normal.

Pop in to the waiting room while you have a medical procedure, then hand you the baby back to take home?! This is a bonkers arrangement, even if he did agree to it.

Even some of the more feckless husbands I know would take the day off under these circs

You having a procedure to avoid it getting worse is not him doing you a favour it's his child too are you doing him a favour by caring for it everyday?

Yes but he's not providing childcare, he's taking a couple of hours off work to parent his child.

If he won't do this for you, it says a lot about how he views you.

He pays for all the bills don't worry.

But why would he go halves on anything if he’s the high earner? The fact you working part time nights and do most of the childcare is the reason he’s able to earn well (plus earn a decent pension) AND have a family. As PPs have said, he needs to pay his way accordingly - the current arrangement doesn’t sound like a fair split at all.

GO HALVES?? Please tell me that was a joke. You've said he earns way more than you, and this is needed because he's baulking at the very reasonable idea that if one parent is temporarily out of action, the other steps in to look after the child. He should pay. He has no idea how good he's got it.

It really does not merit taking the day off. I don't want to go into detail about it but it's the simple removal of something.
I just can't hold the baby whilst having it done. I will be able to leave immediately after the procedure. I definitely don't need him to take the day off.

On a different note, you describe about working until he has literally dropped. This is unsustainable. He will burnout.
He needs to address this in supervision and even in personal therapy. In the long run this is no good for him, you, his service or his clients. It is impossible to provide a good reflective level of service in mental health when you’re constantly working at the raggedy edge (even more so in viciously cut and underfunded services)

You might want to post on style and beauty rather than this person's post

Going against the grain here, by your own admission this procedure if yours is not urgent, and you are expecting your husband to drop everything to facilitate it. Any idea if he would still have a job if he is found to be looking after the baby whilst he is 'working'?

I don't know his specific job, and it seem perhaps you don't either. I believe he will do everything he can to faciliate your appointment, but he may be hesitant to make it an issue with his higher-ups if it theatens the fact he has a job at all. Does he seem the kind of man who will take his bosses to tribunal?

I think if he’s a psychiatrist with appointments booked, and your procedure isn’t an emergency, it’s understandable that he is concerned about cancelling appointments last minute.

He can take leave and help you but he doesn't want to. Let that sink in.

My jaw is on the floor that you think he is a good man/dad op. He's fucking awful. Why is your bar so so low? You laughed at one of the first posters query if this was actually his child. But it was completely valid. He is not behaving in any way like a decent father or husband would. I'm afraid no one can help you op when you accept people treating you like this.

Yes.
Fuck me, another "great dad".
Twat.

supporting your wife’s basic healthcare is not a favor, it’s what most of us think is one of the fundamentals of a marriage. I’d ask him what this tells you about your marriage, what conclusions should you take away?. Do you have a husband who doesn’t care if you die of cancer and will expect you to look after the children until you actually do kick the bucket? What about a broken leg? Is that a look after it yourself and keep looking after those children of ours too? Tell him you haven’t made any childcare plans, because you have a medical procedure and a husband and it’s his baby too, and if he doesn’t turn up to look after his own child then you’ll know he didn’t mean any of those vows he made at your wedding and you don’t want to hear another grumpy word or face about it, if he wants a wife and children at home.

When my dc1 was about a year old, I had to have a suspicious mole removed from my torso. They told me it'd be straightforward (and it was) but then, as they were stitching me up, they "reminded" me that I mustn't lift heavy loads including my own child, for two weeks, in case I pulled my stitches. We'd had no warning and had to call my MIL and ask her to come short notice.

Absolutely no chance I could have taken my dd home alone.

What are you having removed?? Dh should take the day off, look after the baby, so you can rest. Even just one day!