To think DH should provide childcare during my medical appointment?

[Pogeatsalltheburgers]

I have a minor medical procedure tomorrow. It was the only date and time they had, due to someone else's cancellation. They gave me the appointment this afternoon so no time to plan. It's not a complete emergency but the problem could get worse if left. So I did not want to refuse the appointment.
I have a 9mo baby.
AIBU to think my DH should take a couple of hours off work to hold the baby whilst I have the procedure?
Unfortunately i have no one else who can help.
My DH works in the community in this area so drives around for work.
I know he'd make it work if the appointment was his but he's saying to me 'that's not enough notice, I might not be able to do it' etc and got quite cross with me.
From my perspective he could easily sort things out so he could be there to help me. He's whinging on about how he will have to finish late if he does it and it's made me quite angry tbh...
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to rearrange his work day to be there for a couple of hours? I will not be able to have the procedure done if no one can hold the baby.

Jesus, don't have any more children with him, he's a twait (without the I)!
So when you go back to work and your child is ill, is he expecting you to be off work all the time rather than sharing the load.

And it is called being a parent and parenting not childcare!

The fact you called it childcare is very illuminating op.

Well what else can you do? I mean, you could suggest that he pays for a person to accompany you and look after the baby? At such short notice I imagine that would be quite expensive and hard to arrange but he could crack on and do that if his job is soooooooo important 😂

After he's took you and baby home, of course. Why do you expect so little care?

It will be a massive headache for him yes.
But it will also be a massive headache for me if I have to delay this procedure as the problem is likely to get worse. It's not an emergency but I'd appreciate just getting it done before it turns into one
I do have sympathy for him but this is just how it is. I was given this appointment. I wasn't given any option except this appointment or waiting to be contacted when another came up.. which I imagine would just cause the same situation.

JFC, the man is a psychiatrist?! He sounds revoltingly selfish, OP - YANBU in the slightest. Does he have form for this sort of behaviour? This kind of thing is normally the tip of the iceberg. Stand your ground and do not be bullied into compromising your health because of this buffoon’s laziness. Good luck with the op 💐

'Non-vital reason'?? Seriously..did you read the OP? She's having a medical procedure that she needs...not getting her sodding ears pierced! 🙄

Not something that's likely to come up as I work permanent nights

He is really going to have to step up when you go back to work..

I don't think he's selfish.... just stressed.
It's not my fault though.

Well he has made it very clear where you sit in his list of priorities.
You must be very disappointed in him. I am sorry.

Urgh OP I feel you. I’m very lucky that my DH would really do his best for these kind of things, but having no one else to ask for help is really hard!

I hope you get your procedure done tomorrow.

YANBU. Though I wouldn't call it 'providing childcare'; it's called 'looking after his own child'.

Of course any service will accommodate a family emergency, even a rapid input community service . OK some colleagues and a couple of clients may be put out temporarily but everyone understands, it’s life and they will have/will experience it too at some point.
Tell him he needs to step back from his work dynamic for a few minutes to help develop insight from an alternative perspective eg yours or colleagues. Maybe even imagine he was advising a colleague on this situation. In other words, physician heal thyself with some basic tools he has at his disposal.

I’m going to go with my standard for most men like this:
Christ what an asshole.
Show him this.
Show him the entire thread.

The majority of the childcare will fall to me and that's fine. He's by far the higher earner and I only work 24hrs per week.
I don't expect the childcare to be shared equally when on maternity leave or when I go back to work.. and he does do a lot. For example he does all school drop offs so I never have to get up early.
He's not generally unreasonable and I do expect to be doing most of the caring for the baby at the moment.
It's literally just this appointment that I want him to facilitate. I know its stressful for him but he could sort it if he wanted to.

I get where he's coming from. Some caring roles are hugely difficult to just drop at a few hours notice and I fully understand the irony that he needs to be caring for his wife. When you work in such a profession taking time off is guilt inducing.
I hope it gets sorted and the procedure goes well.

This is part of being a parent. There will be last minute work interruptions and you just have to deal with it. If this is the first time it has happened in 9 months he has been very lucky.

Its not doing you a favour, he needs to step up as a Dad to look after his child whilst you have a medical procedure. He should want to be there.

but he could sort it if he wanted to.

That's just sad!

I'm guessing that he's never ill?

I don’t think stress is an excuse — most of us are stressed these days but wouldn’t behave like this. With NHS waiting lists as they are I think most people would move heaven and earth if a loved one had the chance to get a procedure done before things got any worse. Perhaps this needs to be spelt out to him.

While I still think he should do it-
If you have any babysitting or childminding contacts for the older kids then surely someone (even a babysitting teen of one of the other mums?) Could come and watch the baby at your appointment? It's not quite like leave them totally with a stranger if they are just hanging out in the waiting room is it? And it would be a better alternative to missing your appointment

Why shouldn’t the childcare be shared equally when you go back to work? Even if you don’t earn as much, your ability to earn and be a part of the workforce to support yourself and your child is just as important as his. If you work full-time he needs to do half. If you work less to accommodate his work, make sure you are being compensated financially. None of this splitting the bills nonsense.

Oh my god! Why is the bar so low for him?!
Plenty of people have stressful and demanding jobs, yet are able to support their partners and care for their children in an emergency.
I cannot believe he's a psychiatrist.
He sounds awful.

Please help me find this dress. Thought it was Tara Jarmon but it’s not. Need it in my life.