To think DH should provide childcare during my medical appointment?

[Pogeatsalltheburgers]

I have a minor medical procedure tomorrow. It was the only date and time they had, due to someone else's cancellation. They gave me the appointment this afternoon so no time to plan. It's not a complete emergency but the problem could get worse if left. So I did not want to refuse the appointment.
I have a 9mo baby.
AIBU to think my DH should take a couple of hours off work to hold the baby whilst I have the procedure?
Unfortunately i have no one else who can help.
My DH works in the community in this area so drives around for work.
I know he'd make it work if the appointment was his but he's saying to me 'that's not enough notice, I might not be able to do it' etc and got quite cross with me.
From my perspective he could easily sort things out so he could be there to help me. He's whinging on about how he will have to finish late if he does it and it's made me quite angry tbh...
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to rearrange his work day to be there for a couple of hours? I will not be able to have the procedure done if no one can hold the baby.

Dies he catastrophise? Because those of us desperately trying to maintain safe care whilst working within failing services tend to. The thinking could well go "If I miss an appointment to hold my baby, and the patient kills themselves, then there'll be an inquest, and the family will report me to the GMC, and I'll be suspended, and then struck off, and never work again" etc

There is also the degree of disruption. I'm in a different department but had to cancel a half day telephone clinic a couple of months ago, as I literally couldn't stand up to get into work. Still picking up the pieces now. And yes, there were complaints. There are always complaints. A friend of mine who is a GP got complaints that they cancelled several patients at the last minute: a doctor in the same surgery had just been stabbed, and the police were swarming the place. That was considered not a good enough excuse, and the formal complaint system, lengthy as it is, had to be gone through. Doctors are not allowed to be human.

Maybe remind him..."In sickness and health"

Good luck with your procedure.

It is not 'childcare', it is parenting. Is he one of those dads that calls it "babysiting" when the mum has a night out?

What do you mean by not an emergency. There is sooo much essential healthcare that’s not an emergency. My parents are looking after our dc next week because my dh is having two moles removed, he was going to be doing that day of childcare in the summer holidays. But this is the earliest appt that came up and the only sensible thing to do is take it. If my parents couldnt do it then I would have- It’s not an emergency though. Should I have waited till it’s actually cancer in your book? There must be approx a million similar examples of non emergency procedures.

If your family is cash rich but time poor and your partner doesn’t walk to look after his child during his working week then maybe you should pay for the procedure. Lots of hospitals offer self pay options. Short notice appointments are usually only offered to those that state they can take advantage of them.

I'd go into where he is right now and say "I wasn't asking you to be around tomorrow, I was telling you to be around between 10 and 12 for your child. End of"

And walk out.

If he still insists he can't, get yourself up at 6am tomorrow, get dressed and leave them both in the house. He will have to fucking deal with it then. And do not come back til after whatever time your appointment is.

Unless he plans for you to be a full time stay at home parent he is going to have to get used to having his days f*cked by sick kids etc for the next 15years, sharing all the unexpected sick days etc, so really he might as well get used to it.

also you need to actively make friends and network around you because when you break your ankle it really helps if other people near by can help (my kids were taken to school by various parents who offered help when I broke mine, which was a proper godsend)

Who watches the baby while you work nights?

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Years ago I had to have an NHS dermatology procedure and ended up taking my 6 month old baby, as DH said he couldn't help out (and DPs were away, friends at work). It was so stressful, poor baby kept crying in buggy, and bloody doctor kept complaining he couldn't concentrate. I felt I had no options, didn't want to lose/delay appt to remove something that could have been malignant, I remember just crying on the hospital bed and nurse bringing me tissues.

DH actually would never take time off to help for things like that, or rearrange work if I was ill, unfortunately I still feel resentment about it years later. He felt work was more important/he'd get in trouble.

YANBU

One of my best friends is a GP and had to rearrange a whole day's worth of appointments because her son was sent home from school sick.

Of course it was a massive headache for her but there was no one else available.

That's just how it is when you're a parent.

Ask him to think back to a time a mere 9 months ago when he (presumably) witnessed you producing HIS baby from YOUR body and risking your life to do so.

Remind him how proud he felt of you in that moment, how in-love he felt with your DC and how he knew, in that moment, that he would give his life to protect both of you.

And all you're blinking asking for today is him to hold the baby for a couple of hours and he's got a cob on 🙄

Perhaps they have a creche at the hospital - this does seem extreme to expect a consultant psychiatrist to leave work/patients to hold the baby for an hour or so
as you don‘t have family nearby, when you will have friends, neighbours, babysitters
As someone said upstream, from a professional point of view it isn’t satisfactory.

How would you feel if suicidal, expecting a 3pm appointment with your psychiatrist who cancels abruptly, then discover it was because he had to drive his wife to hospital to ‘hold their baby’ whilst she has a non urgent procedure.

Go halves????

WHY, why do women sell themselves short like this??

How would you feel if suicidal, expecting a 3pm appointment with your psychiatrist who cancels abruptly, then discover it was because he had to drive his wife to hospital to ‘hold their baby’ whilst she has a non urgent procedure

Is this an example of Whataboutery?

I think it's a pretty accurate description of who is likely to actually be getting an appointment with a psychiatrist in our broken mental health system. Or maybe he's going to section someone. Or assess someone with new onset psychosis.

FFS. That shouldn't matter.

How would you feel if suicidal, expecting a 3pm appointment with your psychiatrist who cancels abruptly, then discover it was because he had to drive his wife to hospital to ‘hold their baby’ whilst she has a non urgent procedure.

I would be very understanding of any doctor of mine who had a childcare emergency, because that's what it is.

So will he (hopefully) hold the baby and then go off and let you and the baby go home on public transport?

Many years ago when I was seriously ill an appointment cancellation would leave me desperate. Surely those of you laying into this man can see the other side to his probable( because we don't know his exact role) dilemma. He may not want to let ill people depending on him down. Its extremely unlikely that he's uncaring just caught between a rock and a hard place.

Go halves??!!! What the actual fucking fuck.

The mother of his child is ill and he is letting her down.

“Hold the baby”

Seriously, if you need to go online to negotiate this you’re going to have major problems going forward.

Do people not communicate with their partners anymore?

How very commendable of you, however unlikely.
However that’s what it isn’t.
This sorry tale has more holes in it than my colander
and more tangents than my whole house

I've no idea. So many of these threads are utterly depressing.

wrong and misleading