To think DH should provide childcare during my medical appointment?

[Pogeatsalltheburgers]

I have a minor medical procedure tomorrow. It was the only date and time they had, due to someone else's cancellation. They gave me the appointment this afternoon so no time to plan. It's not a complete emergency but the problem could get worse if left. So I did not want to refuse the appointment.
I have a 9mo baby.
AIBU to think my DH should take a couple of hours off work to hold the baby whilst I have the procedure?
Unfortunately i have no one else who can help.
My DH works in the community in this area so drives around for work.
I know he'd make it work if the appointment was his but he's saying to me 'that's not enough notice, I might not be able to do it' etc and got quite cross with me.
From my perspective he could easily sort things out so he could be there to help me. He's whinging on about how he will have to finish late if he does it and it's made me quite angry tbh...
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to rearrange his work day to be there for a couple of hours? I will not be able to have the procedure done if no one can hold the baby.

This pisses me off when men do this. "Can't get time off look have their child". That bollox. Of course they can take the time off. All they have to do is call and say they won't be in for X reason and that's it. The type of leave (such as emergency annual leave/dependents leave etc) can be sorted at a later date.

It's a simple case of they don't want to.

How is it wrong?

Do you need me to explain what ‘not an emergency’ means? The OP has said it’s not an emergency. Nor has she said it’s a cancerous mole that needs removing. So your situation is not comparable. The occupation of OP’s DH also matters in this case.

It’s neither of these things actually.

Apart from which, this is likely DM bound, you know how they love an NHS debacle,
well this is prime fodder.

@Pogeatsalltheburgers - when you decided to get married and have children, how did the planning discussions go? Did he make it clear just how much of a priority his job would be?

Yes it might be a bit more pressure for him but you are his WIFE. Of all the people in this world I will take a bit of extra stress to help, my DH is right up there.
He needs to pull his head out of his bum and make this sortable. By the sound of it it's not life and death for him to do this and he can make it work and do an extra bit of work in the evening.
It's called not being a selfish dick because he decided to get married and have children and if he wanted his life to revolve solely around what he wants he should have stayed single.

yes it's important he sees the patients he has to in a certain time frame... but he does have some say in the exact timings of that.

But presumably his appointments tomorrow are already booked so what you are actually asking is that he cancels some patient appointments?

As it's not an emergency and presumably you could have another appointment at X date in the future I think YAB(a tad)U

The OP has stated that her health issue is not an emergency. It is quite likely that at least some of her husbands appointments tomorrow are. Because you don't get to see a psychiatrist in the UK unless your mental health is basically catastrophic. If I think of how desperately mentally unwell some of the children I have begged for psychiatric input are, and had it refused, it really rams home that the patients actually being seen must be truly up shit creek. And yes, being dumped at the last moment could be the last straw for some of them.

why should she??

healthcare professionals have the right to put their families first the same as the rest of us. They do not exist purely to service the needs of their patients. They are human beings too.

Soooo much narcissism in this thread no wonder the psychiatrists are over worked.

Exactly

I’m so surprised at the majority of these responses! I would not expect my husband to do this for me - in the particular circumstances outlined by the OP - and neither would I expect to do it for him. I would expect that we would find an appointment that was more convenient. It is not an emergency and your husband is essential to his patients.

I agree. In your words it’s a cancellation, not an emergency, can wait etc. However, as a psychiatrist he will have to cancel appointments with clients at very short notice. Those clients will be rightly upset at having what could be very vital consultations rescheduled for god knows when. No wonder he’s annoyed!

@nocoolnamesleft the voice of reason and compassion at long last

this first post saga has been divisive through obfuscation
at first I wondered if OP husband was maybe a delivery driver
twists and turns, nothing stacked up,
posters outraged,
OP slunk away

Oh the irony!

There’s no irony. The OP is already making plenty of sacrifices in the name of her DH very important patients. But god forbid she should need healthcare herself and the big important man should have to attend to the responsibilities he has at home.

Family should come first always.

Now imagine if when he gets there the consultant has cancelled because his wife decided to accept an non urgent appointment to have a procedure that isnt urgent, she isnt ill but she wants it done just in case and he is having to look after the baby,

Haha! She said herself she isn't ill, it isn't an emergency. She’s not making any sacrifices. She’s just annoyed that he hasn’t dropped everything at her command.

He might have a point if es letting vulnerable people down and your procedure is non urgent.

But I'm concerned about your financial situation. Going halves implies your finances are separate. He's only the higher earner as you do most of the childcare. He pays all the bills..... does this include a mortgage you are not named on?

healthcare professionals have the right to put their families first the same as the rest of us. They do not exist purely to service the needs of their patients. They are human beings too.

I don't disagree.

But the OP has said herself it's not an emergency, Presumably with adequate notice her DH could easily plan his day to take care of his wife and child?

If he still refused and was arsey about it then fair do, he's an arse.

Keep hammering that nail with your rubber hammer

WOW 😥 what the fudge is this????

Who raised this man child????

I’m really sorry you’re going through this ☹️

HCP, carers, teachers... all sorts of people have jobs where it really matters that they turn up. BUT they srill have an absolute right to the same lives outside work as everyone else. EG sometimes they get sick, or they need emergency family leave, or whatever.

But this is not an emergency.

Two doctor parents here…one is anaesthetic consultant/ ICU consultant… family does always come first.

But if it’s not urgent/ emergency then your patient commitments are also high up on priority list.

Cancelling operations and understaffing acute areas dealing with vulnerable patients doesn’t go down well if it’s your family member who is affected either as patient or colleague.

if it’s not urgent I would say it’s reasonable to wait for an appointment that works for the family.