To think DH should provide childcare during my medical appointment?

[Pogeatsalltheburgers]

I have a minor medical procedure tomorrow. It was the only date and time they had, due to someone else's cancellation. They gave me the appointment this afternoon so no time to plan. It's not a complete emergency but the problem could get worse if left. So I did not want to refuse the appointment.
I have a 9mo baby.
AIBU to think my DH should take a couple of hours off work to hold the baby whilst I have the procedure?
Unfortunately i have no one else who can help.
My DH works in the community in this area so drives around for work.
I know he'd make it work if the appointment was his but he's saying to me 'that's not enough notice, I might not be able to do it' etc and got quite cross with me.
From my perspective he could easily sort things out so he could be there to help me. He's whinging on about how he will have to finish late if he does it and it's made me quite angry tbh...
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to rearrange his work day to be there for a couple of hours? I will not be able to have the procedure done if no one can hold the baby.

What does he actually do? I mean its ok saying he "works in the community" and he "drives around for work", but if he's driving medical equipment or medication to places it needs to be at certain times, then maybe he can't just stop and hold the baby for a bit, because he HAS to drop X thing off before a person desperately needs to take or use it.

If it isn't time critical or if someone else could cover him for it, then of course he should take the time off, but I doubt his schedule for tomorrow has slack in it. I guess if he was sick, he would HAVE to be off, but might that mean people were in a mess because stuff wasn't delivered?

Reword: be a parent.! Not provide childcare

Read all OP's responses and you'll see. Fair enough asking but she has already answered.

But she is working for wages only part-time while he is the breadwinner BECAUSE she is in charge of childcare.

She doesn't get to rearrange that at short notice for a non-emergency appointment. It is the responsibility of a parent to have backup childcare available.

If he couldn't do HIS day job, she wouldn't be expected to jump in for him. Why should he be expected to drop everything because she scheduled a conflict with what is, in terms of their division of labour, HER day job?

She was not in an auto accident or experiencing a stroke. She got offered an appointment for a non-emergency office procedure. It is not asking too much for her to find a babysitter rather than expect her spouse to miss work.

Him expecting to be able to work a full day at a new-ish job that supports the family (by her own admission) is not untoward. Missing work is for true emergencies, not for things that can be supported in other ways.

I wonder a lot reading posts on here why people have children with people they know nothing about people don't change that much

Can you place the baby in a carrier during the procedure?

Psychiatrist.

His job is responsible for back up when staff are away. She works caring for her family, her family, the baby’s dad is responsible for back up when she has medical needs. Thats the difference between family and work, and that’s a legitimate use of personal/carers leave from work. Women who are at home do not have to hire childcare before they can dare to ask their husband for help.

Here we do, and I did. I book with an obstetrician, privately, and saw him every appts and he delivered my baby, but of course you can pay your thousands and end up having someone else deliver your baby if your obstetrician is on leave.

That’s what emergency parental leave is for isn’t it? If he was to become unwell and couldn’t get to work someone would have to cover him or rearrange his appointments. As it is he can’t work tomorrow because you need to attend a medical appointment so he is still entitled to emergency parental leave to care for his child. If you were to become so unwell you couldn’t look after your child he’d have to so there’s no difference really

It's not an emergency.

Given the circumstances - your DH's profession and the fact it's not a medical emergency and such short notice - I think a compromise would be to not go to the appointment tomorrow but instead book to have the procedure done privately so you can pick a convenient time. Otherwise, get an emergency nanny.

We don’t know what the procedure is. If it’s something that will get worse the longer it’s left I’d say it is an emergency if the OP has been offered a cancellation to reduce the wait time and feels she should take the earlier appointment.

Obviously, if you’re planning on a natural labour and birth… but if I’d ‘paid my thousands’ to see a specific obstetrician and was having an elected c section, I would be unhappy if they booked annual leave on the day it’s booked. You can see how your examples are not comparable to the OP

The dh didn’t have any appts set for the day until the morning of. No appointments were cancelled, as the op says a number of times. If you want to nitpick about examples please use actually relevant ones! Mine was just a few examples explaining we all know hcps are human and can’t always be there.

Are psychiatrists not allowed to have family emergencies or healthcare appointments? No wonder we don’t have enough of them, which is causing the problem that you are referring to in the first place.

A medical procedure is an emergency

Stop asking these men to parent and start TELLING them. Say to him “I have a medical appointment. You need to look after YOUR child so I can attend” I am so fed up with fathers getting a free pass to be dickheads and not step up to the plate because it’s inconvenient to them. Mothers don’t get that option so why do they?

A medical procedure qualifies, surely! We're not talking about a simple filling at the dentist. Hospital appointments need to be taken when you are given them, it's that simple.

Doctors do cancel operations too. My mum had an operation delayed some years ago because the consultant was going to a funeral.

Isn’t it funny how when mums often talk about their OH’s looking after their own children we refer to it as “childcare” as if they are doing us a favour. I wonder when this will change.

best of luck with your procedure tomorrow and hope it all goes well

Of course he should, looking after your own baby is not “childcare”, it’s parenting. Is he one of those men who calls it “baby-sitting” when he looks after his own child? I hope he did the right thing in the end.

I would argue that many medical procedures are not emergencies. If you are arguing that all medical procedures are emergencies, then so are the patient appointments of the psychiatrist husband.

he's a parent too. he wouldn't expect to have to take the children to one of his appointments for anything, and neither should you.

If this procedure didn't require sedation or involve life-threatening urgency, it was not an emergency. Babysitter is preferable to the breadwinner missing work.