SIL's Christmas tantrum

[maoleis]

My SIL joined us for Christmas Day. She wanted a dairy and gluten free dinner, which we sorted. Then we opened presents. She sulked about what she was given, then abruptly left, telling MIL and FIL that they'd bought her rubbish (she was given really nice stuff). I would have expected this from our little one, but SIL is 40.

On the subject of random crap, SIL gave me an absurd present (think something as bad as a roll of sellotape), with which I of course pretended to be delighted.

I find her such a pain. She holds the entire family hostage with the threat of an emotional outburst, and few people in the family seem capable of calling her out on her BS. Because she's extended family, I bite my tongue, but AIBU to want to call her out? She completely ruined the vibe for the rest of the day.

Every part needs a laugh like that.

I'd just roll with it tbh. Tell her you're not doing presents next year as "we always seem to get it wrong" and nice and early - say now - suggest she cooks. Leave it at that for now. Who gives a fuck if a grown woman has a mardy tantrum? Ignore her and have a sherry.

Well given what she said about the gifts she was given, why didn't you tell her that her gift to you was absolutely crap?

She's kicking off anyway so you may as well get some satisfaction!

But who cares if she has a tantrum? I mean, it doesn’t sound as if she’s in any way a pleasant addition to any gathering even when not in mid-tantrum.

Where was your sibling at the time of the tantrum and departure?

This.

She sounds like a Central character princess. No matter what you say, you'll be the villain, she will be the victim.

OP- Do we share the same SIL! Mine is 45 though. One year recently, she bought DH a top gun DVD with a 50p sticker on it. We don't have a DVD player.

I agree with others, next year, just say you aren't doing adult gifts anymore and suggest she cooks everyones meal.

Most families have one of these. My SIL usually after too much alcohol who sits there sulking then arguing with BIL and then has to leave/we have to leave. Really embarrassing. After years of putting up with it, i dont anymore and decline all offers to socialise with them both! Liberating to cut someone off vs putting up with shitty behaviour!! Try it

@maoleis give her a subscription to whogivesacrap.co.uk

I would’ve quietly taken her to one side and told her what an ungrateful piece of 💩 she is, I would’ve added that any emotional outburst wouldn’t wash with you and she would be asked to leave if that happened. Given that she’d already knocked the shine out of Christmas you had nothing to lose.
I wouldn’t invite her to any future events, including Christmas next year and tell her why. Bloody selfish attention seeker!

Next year buy her a novelty toilet mat and a random jar of jam.

Then sit back and watch the show.

Who cares if she tantrums really? She's only showing herself up. You shouldnt have let that spoil the day!

What does your brother (her husband?) say about her APPALLING behaviour?

Just don't see her any more. She doesn't add anything to your life, so just don't bother.

If you didn't invite her next year, would your MIL and FIL kick off? What does your DH think about his sister's behaviour?

Next time put a lot less effort into appeasing her. Because the sooner she tantrums off, the sooner you can all enjoy the day.

With presents it's easiest to match the energy of the person buying for you. So this year she got you sellotape? Next year she gets a stapler - when she's pissed off 'Oh I thought you loved stationery, you got me sellotape last year?'

You can also pass the time until she huffs off by playing SIL bingo with your DH.

She can only hold the family hostage because you all keep walking on eggshells. As soon as you stop giving a shit, she's lost her power.

@WeCanOnlyDoOurBest - hopefully this is helpful: there is no need to quote the opening post before replying on a thread. Everyone assumes you are replying to the OP. Imagine how long the thread would be if everyone did it?

@Calmhappyandhealthy

The sil is probably the op’s husband’s sister.

Personally I wouldn’t care that she’s extended family and would call her out on her BS, especially if I were hosting!

She's insufferable!

Thing is, why do some families put up with it? If I were to dare to behave in this way, my family members would soon put me back in my box. They're Glaswegian and very straight talking

There is one in my family. She's very emotionally fragile, and her parents really do love her, so we bite our tongue and roll with it.

My SIL is a bit like this but there was a period between 45 and 50 where her behaviour was off the saved. I refused to have her in the house for about 3 years. MIL and I had an argument about it but she ended up becoming hysterical about how horrible her own daughter was.

We are mid fifties now and she is more like her old just semi dramatic self, it’s tolerable. Hers is rooted in complete bitterness that she never married or had children. She was never one of the I love being single women who choose that and her deep unhappiness came out as anger and drama.

Why not call her out? Who cares if she sulks? This is why people like her keep getting away with such shite behaviour

Did you host? Next time don't invite her. Your dh can explain to his mum n dad why.

That really made me laugh
what a fabulous gift

Don’t call her out and cause a rift. Just go as low contact as you can.