SIL's Christmas tantrum

[maoleis]

My SIL joined us for Christmas Day. She wanted a dairy and gluten free dinner, which we sorted. Then we opened presents. She sulked about what she was given, then abruptly left, telling MIL and FIL that they'd bought her rubbish (she was given really nice stuff). I would have expected this from our little one, but SIL is 40.

On the subject of random crap, SIL gave me an absurd present (think something as bad as a roll of sellotape), with which I of course pretended to be delighted.

I find her such a pain. She holds the entire family hostage with the threat of an emotional outburst, and few people in the family seem capable of calling her out on her BS. Because she's extended family, I bite my tongue, but AIBU to want to call her out? She completely ruined the vibe for the rest of the day.

It was a blank A5 notepad and a sausage.

Don't ask her next year, if she complains tell her why

People like this seem to feed off drama. I think giving her as little attention as possible probably helps.

Print out these messages and send them to her - wrap them up nicely and say 'think is an early present for next Christmas'. She needs to know how most folk view this selfish, rude behaviour.

People like this should always be called out. It infuriates me the way we just accept bad behaviour. We all know foul, rude, obnoxious, selfish, or toxic arseholes who seem to sail through life. When you mention their behaviour, you just get a shrug and a "well, you know X, that's just what he's like." Yes, I know that's what he's like, and what he's like is a c. I go out of my way to be kind and polite to everyone. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Maybe I should be a c as well. Seems to work for other people.

Thanks everyone. I'll try to answer the questions that have come up.

It's my DW's family.

We were all sat in the same room when she decided to storm off. No one challenged her on calling her (actually very nice, expensive, and thoughtful) presents rubbish. She received what she'd asked for, which makes it even funnier/worse, but of course things were the wrong style, colour, etc.

I have called her out on her behaviour once in the past, when we first met, and she became quite upset (shouting, stomping, slamming doors). The extended family have a tendency to mollycoddle her and her brother - my DW is more self-sufficient and mature, so her relationship with MIL and FIL is healthier, and I agree that enabling with silence only enforces the behaviour. The difficulty in challenging her these days is that I would be the only one doing so. I did say to MIL not long after SIL blew up that we really liked what they'd gotten us.

Her gift to me was a blank A5 notebook and a chorizo (as per my earlier post under a different username - I'm new here and have made two without meaning to). Not awful presents, but I'm not sure what the thinking was. Maybe next year I can give her a poem, written on lined paper, and framed, about my experience with said chorizo.

Avoiding her or reducing contact used to be quite easy, but she's just recently moved from elsewhere in the UK to a few minutes away. I suspect I'll be seeing much more of her.

Her gift to me was a blank A5 notebook and a chorizo

As in a chorizo sausage? 😆
Unless you are a connoisseur, it was bellota pig and has some gold mixed it- how utterly bizarre. Did anyone laugh. Did your wife not laugh or saying anything?

Ok let’s talk chorizos

It never ceases to amaze me why people pussy foot around individuals described by the OP!
The SIL spoilt Christmas and she is supposed to be an adult?? Get a grip and put a stop to her childish, unpleasant behaviour.

I hope this doesn’t offend, but do you think the chorizo was a not so subtle dig about your sexuality?

Please tell us what she gave you. She sounds like a brat! Laugh it off and hope she runs away to the circus

I voted YABU but only because I KNOW there is NOTHING you can do about people like her.
You will never redress the balance, make her see the light or even shame her into behaving better. This is who she is and she will staunchly dig her heels in against anyone who tries to confront her.

The only thing you can do is change how you react to her and yes, how much she rankles you.
Learn to dismiss her. Let her storm and sulk and cause problems on her own. Being entirely reasonable will only highlight how utterly unreasonable she is. She can make a fool of herself if she wants to. Alone.

Yeah, a totally standard chorizo. I did wonder if there was something Freudian about it. Maybe I'm supposed to f myself with it.

We gave her a spa weekend, for comparison.

I think I'd be subtly trying to get the message across that the behaviour is never going to stop unless challenged. Of course, stand up for yourself and your wife, but outside of that you can't really do too much without overstepping, in their eyes at least.

They probably don't feel like they're enabling her but they are, just by accepting her ridiculousness without comment or action.

It's sad for the SIL, in a way, as her family should be trying to help her see that acting this way could really hamper her life.

People like that don't tend to have good relationships with ANYONE, and it all literally starts at home.

As you think you will be seeing more of her per annum now, perhaps draw up a bingo card the more outrageous the better - and cross episodes off as you are presented with them. Just for your own fun, of course.

My DW very much indluges SIL. Lots of "wow, you like sausages don't you?' and similar congratulations for SIL

I of course made a huge fuss about how much she'd hit the nail on the head. It was, after all, all my Christmas was missing.

This is a really good idea, thank you. It'll help me find the funny side.

next year, get her the exact same presents. A5 notebook and a chorizo, plus a similar item to what she got her sister. Watch her reaction and say “oh but I so loved the presents you got me last year, so that’s where I got the inspiration”

Don't spend so much on her next Christmas. Don't invite her for Christmas day, and tell her to grow and and stop spoiling it for everyone else.

She sounds awful. I would simply stop indulging her and ignore her petty tantrums.

Edited to say that @Peaceandquietandacuppa's idea is brilliant. Do that.

Was your DW's present from her sister equally bizarre or did she get something quite nice? It sounds as though your SIL is indulged to a ridiculous extent.

"wow, you like sausages don't you?' 😆

OMG, can't believe your wife said that! Next year, buy SIL just a bog standard pack of raw sausages and use the same phrase back to her!

Well ask her for spa weekend back and gift her the notebook and chorizo as that is obviously what she wanted.

Seriously I would done eryth8ngbi could to ensure she did not get the spa weekend after her outburst… contact the spa and see what they can do about that.

contact the spa and see what they can do about that.

I think this is a good idea.

I wonder if the SIL doesn't approve of the relationship.

I definitely call her out on it. She's a spoilt brat.

They've already redeemed it. We got it for her and her partner. They said they had a nice time, at least. I should probably update her on how I'm getting on with my sausage (60% remains).