SIL's Christmas tantrum

[maoleis]

My SIL joined us for Christmas Day. She wanted a dairy and gluten free dinner, which we sorted. Then we opened presents. She sulked about what she was given, then abruptly left, telling MIL and FIL that they'd bought her rubbish (she was given really nice stuff). I would have expected this from our little one, but SIL is 40.

On the subject of random crap, SIL gave me an absurd present (think something as bad as a roll of sellotape), with which I of course pretended to be delighted.

I find her such a pain. She holds the entire family hostage with the threat of an emotional outburst, and few people in the family seem capable of calling her out on her BS. Because she's extended family, I bite my tongue, but AIBU to want to call her out? She completely ruined the vibe for the rest of the day.

Oh my giddy, she gave you a regular supermarket chorizo and you gave her a spa weekend…..MN fanfare - we have found a new MN ‘saying’ to add to Jimberley and those beakers for your chorizo…

Quick, redeem the spa weekend yourselves so that she turns up or tries to book it and it’s gone. After all if she wants a tantrum then it may as well be for good reason.

regift the awful present to her next year

Or. If you Have to buy her presents. Make sure they are ALWAYS sausage based from now on as she clearly loves them or she would'n't have given you a Choritso would she?
Extra large (and smelly) salami from an online Italian Deli...
Or even better opening a fancy Fortnum's & Mason's presentation box to find black pudding scotch eggs...
Not forgetting a whole Black Pudding itself, "real, craft black pudding, with fresh pig's blood ... from our local county abattoir. Fresh, real blood black pudding so rare most fans have never eaten it."

They are probably great presents for foodies (Not for me tho) but it will be a great wind up

main character syndrome.

I have a sister like this and she's ruined so many lovely family gatherings because of her selfish, nasty behaviour. I have completely blocked her from my life now and feel so much better because of it...(life's to short to be dealing with Misogynistic AH)

what the hell! and SHE'S the one that complained about her presents being rubbish. you should have said "swap you the notebook and sausage for the voucher, then."

My MIL is like this. She has undiagnosed severe ADHD

I shouldn’t be surprised if she has Emitionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) from what you’ve shared, particularly repeated behaviour of this type. That said, even if she has, she also has a responsibility to let her feelings impact on everyone around her and get some mental health support. I’d want to take responsibility for my own healthy boundaries for the future & not put myself or my immediate family in the way of her. Misery loves company but it doesn’t have to be yours 🤷🏼‍♀️

My 50 year old Stepdaughter gave me a packet of Poundshop crackers for my birthday on 29th December so Christmas crackers AFTER Christmas !!

I think you need to tell DW how upset you were. Really play up the upset bit.

And don’t feel you need to see SIL a lot.

You can’t ge expected to host them every year. Tell DW now that next Christmas you want to have it with you parents, or just your little family.

Save a £1 selection box and give that to her for her birthday.

I am with those who have urged tolerance. It sounds like your SIL is lacking the capacity to join in, be happy and share in the odd pleasures of extended family life. When she goes petty, you will have a better time staying generous. Better example for children on dealing with difficult people, too. Calling out is a flawed strategy in these situations. Try and see it not as pandering but as supporting the positive energy for everyone else if there is a next time?

Two sherries. Or port. Any port in a storm.

@maoleis YANBU OP. It wouldn't be so bad if, at least, you and your DW were aligned and called out your SIL on her appalling, childish behaviour, instead of your DW enabling her DS like the rest of their family does.
I have to say though, I think you've already found the funny side of this situation and these comments of yours made me howl with laughter:

"Maybe next year I can give her a poem, written on lined paper, and framed, about my experience with said chorizo."

"I of course made a huge fuss about how much she'd hit the nail on the head. It was, after all, all my Christmas was missing."

"I should probably update her on how I'm getting on with my sausage (60% remains)."

Just brilliant OP! 😂😂😂😂😂

And don't you just know it's because she'd over-shopped for Christmas and had them left over! 😂

Is this your SIL at her own parents' place?

If so, I would just butt out to be honest and let them get on with it.

Sometimes there are strange/ unhealthy dynamics between adult children and their parents, which can be highlighted at Christmas with childhood regression.

As an in-law/ not part of the blood family, it's best to just not get involved.

Don't spend so much money on her next year.

Here are some alternative suggestions on what you could get her for next Christmas:
https://www.johnlewis.com/professor-puzzle-burger-balance-party-game/p5075115

https://www.johnlewis.com/playmonster-order-up-fish-market-game/p112128024

https://www.johnlewis.com/big-potato-get-the-ick-party-game/p110575793

https://www.johnlewis.com/gamely-bang-out-of-order-game/p112016647

https://www.johnlewis.com/throw-throw-burrito-card-game/p4151363

https://www.johnlewis.com/gamely-gullible-party-game/p6269979

https://www.johnlewis.com/ridleys-pickles-party-game/p112093072

Some of the above I selected purely on the name of the game. You really could have such fun selecting something like this and pop a bottle of wine in a gift bag and she has a 'games night in' ready to go!

Just wondering if you had dinner before she left. You went to the trouble of making the meal gluten and dairy free. Did the ungrateful grouch even bother to thank you?

Does she have learning difficulties? She sounds as though she has some issues, autistic perhaps?

It's funny isn't it, how we tiptoe around people not wanting to cause unpleasantness and problems within the family, friendships, work etc but the people being difficult arseholes don't worry that they could potentially cause it to happen.

No, the SIL is OP's DW's sister.

At first glance, I genuinely thought that blue sellotape holder was something quite different... something that would definitely not be for children!

Absolutely no excuse at all. I have off the scale ADHD (diagnosed at age 60), and would never act in such a way.

OK ADHD can lead to foot in mouth syndrome, by not always thinking before you blurt something out, but it doesn't lead to sulking, main character syndrome, general rudeness, or buying totally inappropriate gifts - especially if there's a clear attempt of making a point when others got thoughtful gifts.

That sounds like how you'd react encouragingly to a very little kid who gives you something rubbish, but with the very best intentions and no idea yet about what kind of things make nice presents.

Does she have learning difficulties/other conditions - or is she just really so self-obsessed that she genuinely thinks giving you something mundane from her drawer or fridge 'will do' as it's 'only' for somebody who isn't her?

@TallNeckedGiraffe
No, OP told us in their second post "It's my DW's family." So it would appear that OP's SIL is their wife's sister. OP mentioned that their DW and SIL also have a brother.