SIL's Christmas tantrum

[maoleis]

My SIL joined us for Christmas Day. She wanted a dairy and gluten free dinner, which we sorted. Then we opened presents. She sulked about what she was given, then abruptly left, telling MIL and FIL that they'd bought her rubbish (she was given really nice stuff). I would have expected this from our little one, but SIL is 40.

On the subject of random crap, SIL gave me an absurd present (think something as bad as a roll of sellotape), with which I of course pretended to be delighted.

I find her such a pain. She holds the entire family hostage with the threat of an emotional outburst, and few people in the family seem capable of calling her out on her BS. Because she's extended family, I bite my tongue, but AIBU to want to call her out? She completely ruined the vibe for the rest of the day.

I was so insulted
I have ALWAYS given her exactly what I give my own adult daughters and am very generous
I know all about "It's the thought that counts" but there was no thought at all
I may get a box of the most bling crackers I can find and gift them to her on her(August)birthday !!

Given that she "tells people she hates me" I'd say she put quite a bit of thought into it - and her thought was "I want to piss her off and tell her how much I despise her".

29 years? She won't change. It's time (well past time!) you stepped back and left the buying of presents for her to her father.

Her F had been divorced from her M 10 years when we met.She was a grownup
She doesn't like the idea of sharing daddy
Tough ,we are all one family .
She visited (With other family) on Boxing Day and 100%blanked me.Even when I spoke directly to her
I am not hosting Boxing Day ever again .
There is rude but then there is ignorant toddler behaviour
Enough

I sort of take a firm don’t be ridiculous stance. But in your case, I’d say happy to host again, sil you are in charge of your own Yorkies, and get her a box of chocolates (or a dietary friendly equivalent). Fuck the spa weekend. Say calmly and cheerily last year I saw your parents get you what you asked for but it wasn’t quite right still, all the loud upset gave me gift anxiety. I know you like these at least! I call that politely explaining the fuck around and find out principle.

and if she leaves early in a huff pour some champagne and glass tap with your dw, for the Christmas win.

Just buy her a sugar dummy and tell her to grow up, Christmas is hard enough as it is without shite like that from an adult.

Tell the family you’re spending Christmas on your own this year and if they ask why, just say you’re both sick and tired of SILs moods and tantrums. Don’t waste your money buying presents for her in future. Better still, book some time away at Christmas, you don’t need to tell them either.

I called out my narcissistic SIL a number of years ago. Previously all the family would pander to her. Because I didn't I was the biggest bastard unhung, she told numerous lies about me to other members of family. Some believed her. Gradually she has managed to alienate all but a few and hardly anyone speaks to her. I'm glad to have seen the back of her. Hope you get some peace from yours.

Yeah this isn’t autism this is covert narcissism. My own family are full of them and it still took me more than 15 years to realise with my SIL.

Christmas is a minefield and I spent years being stressed and upset as she belittled me, ignored me or rolled her eyes. She got given an expensive laptop, all singing all dancing and she pushed it away like it was a piece of crap.

She used various anxiety disorders to blackmail her parents into submission and my DP used to toe the line. Drove me mad that she treated everyone so badly but was the undisputed queen.

Been no contact for a long time now and it’s very peaceful. Same situation with me now being the queen bitch and after many many years of pleading my DP now sees the light.

I don't comment very often but this is so true - the minute I stopped giving my MIL oxygen, and ignored it, her stroppy nonsense lost what little power it ever had.

No-one has the right to behave like a spoilt child. Was she visiting your house? If so, you absolutely have the right to tell her to grow up, especially if nobody else will. And I would point out that in future if she gives crap presents, that's what she's getting. I consider that I'm polite to a fault, but I would not tolerate this, especially if it's in my house.

Adult having a tantrum? Just say to her
'Excuse me, exactly how old are you, do you need to go and sit on the naughty step?'

I’ve got a sulky sil. She brings the whole atmosphere of the room down. You should have seen her sulky face on Boxing Day at a family gathering. I’ve had years of it. I find it hilarious now. She’s an attention seeker. Moody miserable person, god knows how her husband and grown up kids puts up with it. (They walk on egg shells btw)
she selfishly took up all the seats with her belongings and got the major hump when was asked to move them. I’m still amused by it now 3weeks later! And she’s still got the hump and not talking LOL

Interesting! I’ll try that too. Great advice

Interesting I’ll try that too. Great advice