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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unsure about DS going to this party?

187 replies

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:04

DS is four, plays with a range of toys and has a range of interests but it’s fair to say most of them are maybe typically ‘boy’ toys: construction and farm toys and the like.

He has been invited to a ‘princess party’ which is where women dressed as Disney princesses greet the children, who are also dressed as princesses, and then they dance and sing to princess songs and have a princess tea.

(ds is the only boy going.)

I don’t know. I feel like DS won’t enjoy it much and will feel really out of it if everyone else is wearing an Elsa dress or whatever but equally he wouldn’t want to dress as a princess and there isn’t really an equivalent - I could maybe try a prince outfit? It’s not the first time he’s been sort of subtly pushed out and it makes me a bit sad for him.

OP posts:
MotherJessAndKittens · 04/01/2025 21:06

He must be good friends with the party girl. Let him dress up how he wants. Sure he’ll have fun x

JSMill · 04/01/2025 21:06

Why do you think he's been 'subtly pushed out'? Without any background knowledge, I just assumed he'd been invited by someone who really wanted him there. My dd's male cousin used to invite her to some very boy themed parties because he wanted her there and she'd suck it up and go.

SadMadCatWoman · 04/01/2025 21:06

Does he want to go? If so, let him wear whatever his favourite clothes are. (trousers, jumper, whatever). If he doesn't want to go, don't send him.

BarbaraHoward · 04/01/2025 21:07

Why don't you ask him?

Assuming the other kids will be 4, they'll likely all just be running around going mad anyway.

FrannyScraps · 04/01/2025 21:07

Doesn't sound like he's being subtly pushed out if he's the only boy invited, quite the opposite.

Amba1998 · 04/01/2025 21:08

Why’s he being pushed out?

my daughter is having a frozen party and we’ve invited a few boys. They’re not being pushed out because she’s having the theme she wants. The theme is usually what the birthday child wants not catered to the guests

Sparklysnowman · 04/01/2025 21:08

Ask him if he wants to go?

DarkAndTwisties · 04/01/2025 21:09

It’s not the first time he’s been sort of subtly pushed out

How is he being pushed out? Being pushed out would be if they'd said "well, we would have invited him but assumed he wouldn't want to come because he's a boy"

Poppyseeds79 · 04/01/2025 21:09

I can't see at all how he's been pushed out? Unless you think the 4yr old birthday girl shouldn't be allowed a Princess party if she's invited your son? 😅

JoyeuxNarwhal · 04/01/2025 21:09

He's not being pushed out by someone choosing a party theme he wouldn't have chosen for himself. If he wasn't wanted there he wouldn't have been invited Confused

SalmonEile · 04/01/2025 21:09

Is the party being held by a family member?

Pippa12 · 04/01/2025 21:09

My DS has been to a couple of these parties. It’s literally just a party tea and party dances. He enjoyed it. He just wore normal party clothes, nobody batted an eyelid.

out of curiosity- what do you mean he’s ’subtly pushed out’. It seems like he’s more pushed in than out being the only boy invited to a party?

Original poster
leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:10

JSMill · 04/01/2025 21:06

Why do you think he's been 'subtly pushed out'? Without any background knowledge, I just assumed he'd been invited by someone who really wanted him there. My dd's male cousin used to invite her to some very boy themed parties because he wanted her there and she'd suck it up and go.

It’s my NCT group - there are seven of us and he’s the only boy.

I don’t really know, it’s very subtle and sometimes so subtle as to make it seem ridiculous even mentioning it. But there are sometimes a few ‘huh honestly BOYS’ sort of comments - once at soft play I went to rescue DS who was being wrestled to the ground by another kid and I heard them all talking about how awful boys are - I mean, they didn’t use those words but that was the gist. And then there are often long discussions about hair and styling, or similar.

I know this will make little sense but I feel they like DS as an individual but not as a boy. Very hard to explain! And I feel as if the princess party is almost a way of excluding him: a sort of well, you can come but you aren’t really welcome?

OP posts:
ThatAgileGoldMoose · 04/01/2025 21:10

The party theme is whatever the kid whose birthday it is, wants.

Send him as Prince charming, as a disney princess or as the hulk. Whatever he wants to wear. He'll be fine.

Travelodge · 04/01/2025 21:11

If you don’t think he'll enjoy it, I would invent a convincing reason why he can’t go. (But it will need to be something that he believes too, or he’s bound to give the game away.)

But I don’t understand why you think he’s being "subtly pushed out". The reasons you give sound ridiculous to me. But if it worries you, perhaps try to get friendly with the parents of a crew other boys, by setting up play dates etc.

ScrollingLeaves · 04/01/2025 21:11

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:04

DS is four, plays with a range of toys and has a range of interests but it’s fair to say most of them are maybe typically ‘boy’ toys: construction and farm toys and the like.

He has been invited to a ‘princess party’ which is where women dressed as Disney princesses greet the children, who are also dressed as princesses, and then they dance and sing to princess songs and have a princess tea.

(ds is the only boy going.)

I don’t know. I feel like DS won’t enjoy it much and will feel really out of it if everyone else is wearing an Elsa dress or whatever but equally he wouldn’t want to dress as a princess and there isn’t really an equivalent - I could maybe try a prince outfit? It’s not the first time he’s been sort of subtly pushed out and it makes me a bit sad for him.

It’s not the first time he’s been sort of subtly pushed out and it makes me a bit sad for him.
I am not sure what you mean as he is being honoured as the only boy with an invitation. He is being very much included!

If he doesn’t happen to want to be a princess he could be a wonderful prince.

BarbaraHoward · 04/01/2025 21:11

And just let him wear whatever he wants to the party - one of my DDs is anti princess and would probably want to wear a superhero costume and that would be fine.

Agree he's not being pushed out at all, he's invited.

Original poster
leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:12

The party is only for our group so it would be a bit pointed if he wasn’t invited!

OP posts:
Els1e · 04/01/2025 21:13

If he wants to go, why not let him dress up as a mouse or a cat or whatever he wants. I know someone who does these parties and it is more about dressing as a disney character than a princess.

Maboscelar · 04/01/2025 21:13

He's 4, it's a party, he will have fun. Let him wear whatever he wants, at that age my son would have wanted to wear a princess dress too. And stop getting hung up on him being the only bit in the group. My DD was the only girl in ours and it made no difference at all.

NotAPartyPerson · 04/01/2025 21:13

Is it a party for all of their birthdays, or a party for one of the kids?

LocalHobo · 04/01/2025 21:13

Hans or Olaf costumes are available if DS wants to dress up differently to the Princesses.
Males can sing and dance equally as well,with as much joy, as females.
I'm not sure there is an issue here, unless you make one.

YourSpryWriter · 04/01/2025 21:13

My son has been to two of these and was the only boy both times. He was for the second time. He absolutely loved it both times. He went as Olaf as one of the princesses was Elsa. Apart from there being princesses there it is a normal party with games and music like you would normally have and the the tea party was a bit like what they had in Alice in Wonderland so he thought it was fab. They also had a slide that they got to play on. At no point did he seem the odd one out of pushed out apart from his costume that everyone loved and he thoroughly enjoyed it. I think it's a good thing to do when they are young as older boys I don't think would enjoy it unless they like princesses.

Tia86 · 04/01/2025 21:13

He's not being left out or excluded. Yes it is unfortunate he is the only boy in the group, but would you have preferred them not to have invited him at all? At that age i'm afraid girls are going to potentially do the princess thing (and potentially when he goes to primary school too, this is when my daughter had her princess party and invited boys). I don't see why they should choose a different theme to be inclusive for your son.

Pippa12 · 04/01/2025 21:14

@leavehimthere in the nicest possible way you are massively overthinking this.

Boys are more boisterous. I roll my eyes at my own son.

Long discussions about hair styling? Me and my SIL literally paid for a hair styling class our DD were so desperate for the perfect Elsa plait.

The vast majority of little girls have Princess parties at 4 years old- totally normal.

I think this is a you issue tbh unless there’s a massive drip feed coming.

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