To be unsure about DS going to this party?

[leavehimthere]

DS is four, plays with a range of toys and has a range of interests but it’s fair to say most of them are maybe typically ‘boy’ toys: construction and farm toys and the like.

He has been invited to a ‘princess party’ which is where women dressed as Disney princesses greet the children, who are also dressed as princesses, and then they dance and sing to princess songs and have a princess tea.

(ds is the only boy going.)

I don’t know. I feel like DS won’t enjoy it much and will feel really out of it if everyone else is wearing an Elsa dress or whatever but equally he wouldn’t want to dress as a princess and there isn’t really an equivalent - I could maybe try a prince outfit? It’s not the first time he’s been sort of subtly pushed out and it makes me a bit sad for him.

Op what outfits does he have?
Buzz, Knight, Prince charming?,

Put him in an outfit and don't think more of it. The parties will all change in the next year or so when the kids all start school and their own friendship groups develop, rather than the ones their mums made for them.

The little boy from next door, came to one of DDs parties in a Princess Dress, and a pair of wellies - it was not a Princess party, and was the height of summer

Honestly OP I can see where you’re coming from - it’s not just the party it’s the whole vibe you get from this group
i have a friend group around my youngest son who all have girls and there’s lots of “oh let’s get the girls together and do their nails! … oh uhm well Salmon , I guess Little Salmon could join too ….”
now if I thought Little Salmon would enjoy that I’d be like “hell yeah let’s do it” but he wouldn’t so I don’t.
If it was a “dress up” party however Little Salmon would love it! He would also hate a soccer party.
If you think your son wouldn’t enjoy the party don’t bring him.

Here are a prince and a knight costume you can easily get. There is also a Disney Beast on Ebay, and another cheaper, easier to get Beast one which is also easily available.

This makes me reflect on how fortunate we were to have a fairly equal split of girls and boys in our nct group. And even then those of us who “only” had boys did feel a little ousted by those who had managed a fabled girl … I for one completely get where you’re coming from OP - it’s must feel as if the theme has been deliberately chosen to alienate if not your DS then you as you have no experience of princess parties, dressing up, styling long hair. (It’s highly unlikely this is the case, but all I’m saying is I get that it must feel this way to you.) But all you can do is just go along with it, get DS a thematically suitable costume (eg my nephew likes being the Beast when his sister dresses up as Belle), maybe - if you think it will help DS have fun on the day - show him some Disney movies before you go, get his - and your! - Elsa vibes going ;)

Does he like any Disney films? Olaf, Maui, Robin Hood, Peter Pan, Flynn Rider are all possibilities

Send him and send him in normal clothes or a princess dress or as a prince, literally just whatever he wants to wear. You’re massively overthinking this.

I think what’s troubling me is that the invite was sent out generically to the group chat (fine) and then a long discussion on who was going to be what princess ensued and then the host tagged me and said ‘of course DS can come if he really wants to.’

I suppose you can read that one or two ways; either that they really want him and invited him specifically but tbh I’m interpreting that more of ‘well we don’t really want him but he can come if he wants.’

There really are a lot of comments of the ‘huff, sigh, eye roll, oh, BOYS’ nature which I honestly haven’t imagined and are quite frustrating as often their girls are doing something identical they’ve overlooked!

He isn’t into Disney either so a lot of it may well go over his head a bit but I suppose the important thing is he has fun. My only worry is that I don’t ever want him to feel like he’s only tolerated. If it was ‘oh a princess party and DS can be an amazing prince!’ that would be different but that’s not really the vibe.

@Popskipiekin thanks. That’s kind of it. I don’t for one moment think it’s been done because of us but I do think for some time there’s been a sense we’re intruders on ‘their’ group and this has perpetuated it!

Personally, having come across this before, I doubt you're wrong

My DS went to a princess party and dressed as Spiderman, he loves going to parties and is very sociable so it didn’t bother him. If you always get bad vibes is it worth sticking it out with this friendship group?

My DGD invited her two younger male cousins to her princess pampering party. The boys were 5 and 3 at the time and although they didn't want to dress up they really got into the nails and make up and had a great time.

I think this is the problem - I don’t always. Weeks, months even, will go by without any sort of comment and then something really innocuous will happen and someone will say something and it seems to trigger a discussion which make me think maybe they don’t like little boys (and ergo DS) much. Then months will go by and I think I’ve imagined it then it will happen again.

Some are worse than others for this. It’s a shame as he’s a lovely boy (I’m biased of
course!)

I think you need to pull away from this group if this is how it’s making you feel.
boys are hard work. I have 3, but they are also loving and cuddly.
put yourself and your mental health first.

My ds went to one of these once, he was Peter Pan and another boy was a pirate

OP do you have friends outside of this NCT group? Might be time to accept that your NCT friendships have run their course. TBH I probably wouldn’t be all that keen to keep in with a group that perpetuates strong gender stereotypes and prejudices for such little kids.

Op. My ds was in this exact situation. A group of girls and he was the only boy. U remember a party where they all dressed up as princesses and he felt very odd. The year after, he didn't get invited...

My advice is to break away and go and find boy mums. It's probably a controversial opinion but honestly if I had my time again I absolutely would do this.

I honestly think you are over thinking this big time. Little girl has said "I want a princess party", they probably think you are able to work out what your kid would like to go as.

Well … I don’t want to pick on a kindly
meant post but I do think this is part of the problem; it’s a stereotype. I don’t think DS is notably hard work, he’s fairly easy most of the time and while he’s a lovely boy I wouldn’t say he’s hugely loving and cuddly either!

I think your NCT group sound a bit boring and obsessed with their girls being girls and so different to boys. I bet there is eye-rolling behind the scenes and at least two mums upset that their daughters ended up with less popular princesses! If you think your DS will enjoy the party take him along - he can dress as a Disney prince, a superhero, any other fancy dress or everyday clothes (Prince Louis?).

I do thanks … it’s quite hard to explain because on the one hand I don’t want to sever ties over ‘something and nothing’ but it’s hard feeling like there’s a group of six girls and you.

To be fair reflecting on it I think it’s two women who are the main culprits, the others don’t so much but nor do they challenge the stereotypes or anything and it’s so subtle.

I know things will change when they start school but my DS is really good friends with them, he’s grown up with them, so I don’t want to isolate him!

Ds’ first three parties were girls’ parties and he was the only boy. Had a fab time at all of them, he must be good friends with the birthday girl and while it may be princessey, that doesn’t mean they won’t end up playing chasing or musical chairs!

I think you are reading too much into this, it's a party. If ds wants to go then go. When my ds was younger everyone just went to any theme party and enjoyed themselves. One such party gave me the rage though as there was a nail bar set up. Ds queued up for ages and when he got to the front of the line he was told it was for girls only... he was 3 🙄

If he gets on with the girls, then keep meeting up for his sake, grit your teeth about your feelings about the mums, and get your female friendship/mum support from your friends that are more on your wavelength?

As you say, in a year they’ll all be part of much bigger groups of little pals.

Many years ago we had a 5 year old princess and pirate party. We had girl princesses and girl pirates as well as boy pirates with foam cutlasses! They had a lot of fun. I wouldn’t worry about it.