To be unsure about DS going to this party?

[leavehimthere]

DS is four, plays with a range of toys and has a range of interests but it’s fair to say most of them are maybe typically ‘boy’ toys: construction and farm toys and the like.

He has been invited to a ‘princess party’ which is where women dressed as Disney princesses greet the children, who are also dressed as princesses, and then they dance and sing to princess songs and have a princess tea.

(ds is the only boy going.)

I don’t know. I feel like DS won’t enjoy it much and will feel really out of it if everyone else is wearing an Elsa dress or whatever but equally he wouldn’t want to dress as a princess and there isn’t really an equivalent - I could maybe try a prince outfit? It’s not the first time he’s been sort of subtly pushed out and it makes me a bit sad for him.

They do sound like a precious bunch of women, even divvying out who can be what princess. There can be more than one Elsa, surely? I also thought it was unusual that an NCT group would still be seeing each other so regularly now the kids are 4, but as they're all only single children that makes more sense. I would feel pushed out as well, as your son was invited as an offhand afterthought and I assume they didn't assign a dress to him either, because penis.

Is your second child a boy too? It seems like you're feeling very pushed out of the "girl gang".

The original message did make it sound like you were annoyed at the theme - sorry, but that is how it came across.

The invite (now you’ve elaborated) is perhaps a bit off hand but I wouldn’t read too much into it. Go and have fun, let your son dress as he wants and if it doesn’t go well, don’t go next time. Or if you really don’t want to go, don’t. He won’t know at this age and they don’t have to do “everything”

No - she was a girl @Biffbaff ! It’s weird but I do remember that there was some speculation as to what sex I was having when pregnant (didn’t find out) and I did get the feeling that some wanted me to have another boy (lots of ‘you’re such a boy mum!’ Comments!)

current favourite dressing up outfit is a policeman so a bit worried arresting Elsa might not go down well 😂

One of my ds spent a good few months in his Spider-Man in a tutu stage. He’s now 20 and I promise that he is a lovely guy.

Personally, I'd see it as a nice thing that a probably-quite-girly-girl likes my boy enough to want to invite him to her party! He's probably kind and gentle, and quite good at imaginative play.
The kids don't see parties as gendered things at that age.

Thinking about my own boy at 4... He wouldn't have wanted to dress up in a princess dress, but he'd have happily posed for pictures with Elsa or a similar adult princess. He'd also have been down for wearing "something very handsome that a prince might wear."

Just send him. He'll have a lovely time running around with his little friends.

Omg get a grip of yourself. No one is gonna give this any though the next day or any other days in the future. It's a children's party.

I am constantly crossing my fingers because DD hasn't been a typical teen so far. She and her friends are all pretty chilled and well-behaved - she's 15 and currently out sledging!

I can see why that leaves you feeling is he wanted there or not.
They could have worded it better 'Bob's more than welcome' but maybe they mean 'i won't be offended if he doesn't want to come'

I'd still take him, dressed in whatever he wants to dress as. But i wouldn't go spending money on a new outfit.

Lol my DGS went to a frozen party at that age AND dressed as Elsa. He was quite happy

Knight, pirate, beast from beauty and the beast heck even Spiderman as a costume.

In fact get him watching Adam Ant videos from the 1980s, some fantastic costumes there.

When it is his turn for a party what will you do?

Pushing him out would be not inviting him because he's a boy. This hadn't happened. He has been invited to a specific type of party chosen by the birthday child. If that doesn't align with his interests, then he can either give it a go and see, or decline. Its no different from being invited to a pony trekking party if he doesn't care for horses or ice skating if he doesn't fancy it much. You are over complicating it by making it about sex based stereotypes.

Wear anything nice.
Plus a cape if he has one.
Plus a crown made from cardboard and gold wrapping paper.
Sorted.

I do think that people are very keen with children to reason that certain behaviours or preferences are to do with being a boy/girl and anything that questions that ultimately challenges a world view, and that can be too much for some people. Same for the new girl mum/boy mum thing. People want an identity even if it doesn't make much sense when you start to question it.

I also have an elder boy and younger girl too. What are we, a "both mum"? 😅

I find it more sad that you think the birthday child should change their preferred plan for the sake of your DS. If she wants a princess party why the hell shouldn’t she have one?

I’ve been to many a princess party in the past, if there were boys who didn’t want to wear a princess outfit they were usually in superhero outfits or their own clothes.

He was invited to a party. The birthday child wants a princess party. It’s her choice, it’s her birthday. It’s not the birthday child ‘pushing him out’.

You and your archaic gender tropes about ‘boy’ things and ‘girl’ things are your problem. Not his. Not the birthday girl’s. Don’t reinforce those ideas. It’s toxic.

It’s a party. It’s fun. He’ll see games and food and cake and party bags and that’s about it.

All these issues sound like they’re totally yours from your perceived othering in your NCT group because you had the only boy.

Please do not speak to me in that terse, clipped way, as if I am an irritating small child demanding another ice cream.

RTF(ucking)T.

I am not the one who thinks ‘boys’ shouldn’t go to a princess party; I am not the one who says ‘huh BOYS.’

I get I could have been clearer in my OP (wanted to avoid being detected!) but that response has really annoyed me, it’s so rude, you’ve clearly read the OP and started speaking to me like a person who is both stupid and irritating, and I am neither.

It’s an exceptionally rude way to “invite” someone. So dismissive.

they sound really irritating

I held this sort of party for my daughter. Boys and girls came. By the end the rowdy, tough boys were on side and were happily sprinkling fairy dust everywhere and making wishes.

I don't think he's being pushed out, I think it's a chance thing he's been asked as maybe he's a favourite of the party girl. I would
Let him just pick fancy dress of his own, or his own clothes and I expect you'll be staying anyway and as others have said they'll all be running around playing and feral as 4 yos do.

My son used to get invited as the only boy to a few parties when he was quite young..

You should have replied

Course we will be coming

Why wouidnt he

If you feel this is a push him out as a boy thing

What did you do for your sons 4th party - did all the 6 girls go

All invited; not all came - four out of the six.

Was it a boys theme ?

The way he was added on as an afterthought was rude, unless the organiser wasn’t sure your son would like a princess pary so was giving you an out? but at 4 as long as there are games and cake then they’re usually happy.

He could go as shrek… and chase the princesses 😂 or Olaf, or a reindeer … or a clock/candle ala beauty and the beast.

No, why would it have been?