Page 2 | To be unsure about DS going to this party?

leavehimthere · 2025-01-04T21:04:00+00:00

DS is four, plays with a range of toys and has a range of interests but it’s fair to say most of them are maybe typically ‘boy’ toys: construction and farm toys and the like. He has been invited to a ‘princess party’ which is where women dressed as Disney princesses greet the children, who are also dressed as princesses, and then they dance and sing to princess songs and have a princess tea. (ds is the only boy going.) I don’t know. I feel like DS won’t enjoy it much and will feel really out of it if everyone else is wearing an Elsa dress or whatever but equally he wouldn’t want to dress as a princess and there isn’t really an equivalent - I could maybe try a prince outfit? It’s not the first time he’s been sort of subtly pushed out and it makes me a bit sad for him.

weareallqueens · 04/01/2025 21:14

My daughter only had one boy at her party (when she turned 5). It wasn't a princess party, granted, but he was her pal, she wanted him there, and he had a great time playing with the girls.

SallySesame · 04/01/2025 21:15

What’s your concern here? It’s unlikely any of them are going to grow up to actually become princesses tbh…

LateNightReads · 04/01/2025 21:15

He could be a knight?! Or just stick him in his favourite superhero costume or whatever. Kids don’t really care that much. I’m sure he’ll be happy to be dressed up and at a party!

DarkAndTwisties · 04/01/2025 21:15

And I feel as if the princess party is almost a way of excluding him

You think someone planned their child's party theme (a very common party theme) around sort of making your son feel unwelcome?

Kindly, this is ridiculous.

Poppyseeds79 · 04/01/2025 21:15

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:10

It’s my NCT group - there are seven of us and he’s the only boy.

I don’t really know, it’s very subtle and sometimes so subtle as to make it seem ridiculous even mentioning it. But there are sometimes a few ‘huh honestly BOYS’ sort of comments - once at soft play I went to rescue DS who was being wrestled to the ground by another kid and I heard them all talking about how awful boys are - I mean, they didn’t use those words but that was the gist. And then there are often long discussions about hair and styling, or similar.

I know this will make little sense but I feel they like DS as an individual but not as a boy. Very hard to explain! And I feel as if the princess party is almost a way of excluding him: a sort of well, you can come but you aren’t really welcome?

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I think you're overthinking it OP.

Original poster

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:17

DarkAndTwisties · 04/01/2025 21:15

And I feel as if the princess party is almost a way of excluding him

You think someone planned their child's party theme (a very common party theme) around sort of making your son feel unwelcome?

Kindly, this is ridiculous.

No - I don’t think it was to exclude him specifically but I do sometimes feel he (and by extension I) are a bit out of sync with the girly gang. They obviously have to invite us to be polite but I think given completely free choice they would just have it the girls tbh.

Knight is a good shout; I’ll see what I can do.

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LittleRedRidingHoody · 04/01/2025 21:18

Oh my DS would adore this! Yes by all means get a Prince outfit if you can. The girls DS plays with are obsessed with him being a prince when they play princess!

custardpyjamas · 04/01/2025 21:19

If a lot of his friends are girls these are the sort of themed parties they will have. I'm sure it will be fine whatever he wears and he will have a good time. If some mums of girls think boys are a bit rough so be it, but so are some girls.

KerryBlues · 04/01/2025 21:20

I know this will make little sense but I feel they like DS as an individual but not as a boy. Very hard to explain! And I feel as if the princess party is almost a way of excluding him: a sort of well, you can come but you aren’t really welcome?
Yeah, it's hard to explain because it doesn't make any sense.
The birthday girl has chosen a theme without any reference to your son (as she should ) and he hasn't been excluded anyway.

KerryBlues · 04/01/2025 21:21

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:17

No - I don’t think it was to exclude him specifically but I do sometimes feel he (and by extension I) are a bit out of sync with the girly gang. They obviously have to invite us to be polite but I think given completely free choice they would just have it the girls tbh.

Knight is a good shout; I’ll see what I can do.

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Honestly, you get more paranoid with every post.
Why do you think they don't have "free choice"? This is nuts.

Newhi · 04/01/2025 21:22

I think you might be letting your gender prejudices manifest a little. He’s 4, let him have fun at the party, most children love a party. Most boys like to play princess given the chance as well as other ‘girly’ things. They like what ever their friends like (and in turn what their parents have moulded them to like!). Let him have some childhood fun, he will have the rest of his life having to live up to gender expectations.

GoldsolesLugs · 04/01/2025 21:22

Aw, that sounds nice! Excluding him would be not inviting him and saying that they assumed he wouldn't like it cos he's a boy. Anyway, there're tons of options for male Disney characters. I'd go for the Beast, as he looks quite prince-ish so won't spoil the theme, but he can have a Beast mask to put on if he feels it's too "girly".

Original poster

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:23

OK Kerry.

Maybe back off a wee bit? You don’t have to fire post after post at me. It may not be the intention but it’s coming over like a grilling in the court room not a bit of an ‘oh’ over a party.

Incidentally, the birthday girl didn’t ’choose the theme.’ Her mother did.

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strangerontheinternet · 04/01/2025 21:23

My ds2 went to his little friends 3rd birthday like this. It was put on by a party hosting company, princess theme. He had a great time. I sent him in normal clothes. Some of the girls were wearing princess dresses, some weren’t.

ScrollingLeaves · 04/01/2025 21:23

And I feel as if the princess party is almost a way of excluding him: a sort of well, you can come but you aren’t really welcome?
@leavehimthere

The Party was not set up to invite him with the the intention of his not coming, I am sure. The Princess party would be what the little girl wants. She wouldn’t have a different sort of party just so as to be sure he would definitely come, iyswim.

Conversely she wouldn’t be having this princess party just so as to be sure he does not come.

I think the parents in your group being rude about little boys that is making you lose confidence. The children will be fine though.

Your little boy can have the fun of having a more original costume, and parties are parties - food and so on. He is only four and will join in easily if he knows these girls.

Original poster

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:23

Newhi · 04/01/2025 21:22

I think you might be letting your gender prejudices manifest a little. He’s 4, let him have fun at the party, most children love a party. Most boys like to play princess given the chance as well as other ‘girly’ things. They like what ever their friends like (and in turn what their parents have moulded them to like!). Let him have some childhood fun, he will have the rest of his life having to live up to gender expectations.

Yeah, I’m sure he’ll have fun in a way, it isn’t really that I’m concerned about. It’s more their gender stereotypes than mine really.

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Icanttakethisanymore · 04/01/2025 21:24

A princess party makes me want to vom, FWIW, but it’d just ask him and if he wants to go, take him.

stichguru · 04/01/2025 21:24

You REALLY tell your child on their birthday that they can only have the party they want if it suits their friends? Yeah RIGHT. Did his little friend organise your child's sex? His friend wants a prince and princesses party. It isn't her fault that there is only one boy (prince) in the group!

BarbaraHoward · 04/01/2025 21:25

Incidentally, the birthday girl didn’t ’choose the theme.’ Her mother did.

But why can't they pick something "girly" if that's what they want? Let's not teach girls to put boys first even on their birthdays, eh? He's invited and I'm sure they'll make him feel very welcome.

Original poster

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:27

@BarbaraHoward honestly of course they can and that isn’t what I mean at all.

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Whydoeseveryonewanttoargue · 04/01/2025 21:27

Is this a wind up? Seriously? Your concerns are really circa 1950.

In 2024 boys go to girls parties all the time. Dressing up isn’t mandatory and he won’t be pushed out because oh yeah he was invited to begin with.

Your very traditional views on boy be girls toys. their interactions and the way kids behave needs a bit of updating.

Poppyseeds79 · 04/01/2025 21:28

Personally I would go just so you're not purposely excluding yourselves from the group. As DS gets older there will be many play dates/party offers forthcoming via school. Chances are you'll drift into new friendship networks anyway.

BarbaraHoward · 04/01/2025 21:28

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:27

@BarbaraHoward honestly of course they can and that isn’t what I mean at all.

So it's all good then. He'll have a great time, as they do at any party at that age.

Tia86 · 04/01/2025 21:29

I think this is actually you feeling rejected from the group. You have a son, they all have daughters and discuss girly things that exclude you from the chat.
Don't project your feelings onto your son, he will probably just be excited to be at a party.
Mine used to love going to anything and everything knowing there would be party food, cake and a party bag. Theme was irrelevant. As they got older they became more choosy, and tend to go to main friends parties (plus also the invites dwindle and become more specific to a group of friends). Let your son enjoy this while he is invited.

Catza · 04/01/2025 21:30

leavehimthere · 04/01/2025 21:23

Yeah, I’m sure he’ll have fun in a way, it isn’t really that I’m concerned about. It’s more their gender stereotypes than mine really.

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I think the only person stereotyping here is you. You already decided that your son isn't going to enjoy the "girly" party based on the gendered toys you provided for him to play with... And you are trying to make far-reaching conclusions based on conversations about hair among the group of women who each have a girl with more hair requirements than an average male child. God forbid one of them ever brings up periods in a group chat...