Do I tell the ex's wife what he's really like?

[Unknown1111]

So long story short. I have two DD 12 and 10 with ex - we have seperated over 6 years officially but we were done at least 3 years before that largely due to ex infidelity and screwing me over money/business.

Fast forward to today we have both remarried and had more children.
ex is always difficult and has always made issues of everything - hiding actual income ( we started a business together which he is director of and it makes millions) so CM is low in comparison.
childcare arrangements are always based on his needs and will canx last min if something more important comes up. But the main crux is if he can't do something ie collect DD because one has a sniffle for example he will ALWAYS call me (I shouldn't answer I know) and start a conversation to attack me and goade me about how shit of a mum I and that I dnt care about DD and I would send them illness or not. I know this sounds like a non issue but he triggers me because he was like this in our marriage - everything was my fault when it went wrong.
Anything positive was down to him.
it's now showing with our DDs. And it triggers me.

His mrs is really good to my girls but I know he puts me on loud speaker shows my messages to her when we argue (no doubt making me to be a crazy bitch which is why he left me according to her).
im so sick of just accepting what he says to me for the sake of the girls and he still ends up being father of the year that can't do wrong in DDs eyes as I hide the shit he gives me. Literally.

Im so tempted to get my back and just list chronologically with evidence the facts of our marriage and divorce and after to his Mrs so she understands to some extent what a prick he is to me. I know I shouldn't and will make no difference and I will look like the crazy bitch but I just want to cause shit in his life like he does to me just by triggering me as he used to when I was married to him. I'm petty I know but after almost 10 years of covering his shitty behaviours I'm done because nothing changes and he seemingly has just got away with his shitness .

What are you hoping this would achieve?

Move on with your life.

You have nothing to gain from doing this.
His current wife will have her own relationship with him and yours is not relevant. Just leave them to get on with their lives.

She wouldn’t care.

She believes his narrative and you would just be giving more evidence to his claim of you being crazy.

stop talking to him on the phone , use email or text only. If he calls ignore it and message back saying sorry can’t answer a call just now , text only what’s wrong ?

I wouldn't bother. Most women are dull enough to side with the useless man and not believe the woman.

Do you really think she'd be interested? I wouldn't guarantee it.

I know it would achieve NOTHING she is living a good life with him but I know it will annoy him. Because he denies my version of what happened. From the affairs to the theft of our business. And the fact he doesn't show me any respect and seemingly has more of a go at me than in her presence really triggers me.

You may think it will help you move on but it won't. What his new wife thinks about you is absolutely irrelevant. The problem is the anger you carry and hate is a stronger bond than love, in many cases.
If you at all open to doing some inner work, I highly recommend "conscious uncoupling" book.

If she ever asks you - by all means tell her.

Grey rock. Stop talking to him on the phone. Just email or text only. Whatever nonsense he comes up with just reply with "grand". And ignore ignore. She won't believe you, and at the moment you're playing right into his hands anyway.

I know I've just given him what he wanted. But he has a habit of just getting under my skin. Just undermines me in everything with the DD. I'm

I am sorry it's so triggering for you, but this is a you issue, not a him issue. You need to disengage. It will be better for you in the long run, and better for your relationship with your DDs because at the end of the day, it's not good for them to hear you ranting and raving either.

I think you'd be better to grey rock. So factual replies, don't answer the calls or just stick to a script 'thanks for letting me know, I'll pick them up as planned, goodbye'
Don't rise to him, he's still getting things over on you

Only communicate with him through a parenting app. Block his number. You're letting him continue to be abusive. Stop.

OP, think this through.
You want to ‘prove’ you’re not crazy by getting in touch with his current wife and spouting off about him? That is a bit bonkers.

If you want to ‘prove’ anything just stay completely calm in every interaction.

Respectfully, if the marriage has damaged you, then it is up to you to seek help so he no longer has the power to trigger you.

Stop answering his calls. If he leaves a message, take a few minutes to think of a reply. I'd take all the emotion out of it - stop jumping to answer his calls for him then to attack you. Grey rock. Keep to facts.

if the marriage has damaged you, then it is up to you to seek help so he no longer has the power to trigger you.

This is so true. I have done a load of work on myself, and had tons upon tons of counselling and honestly, my ex is nothing to me now - and I only wish I'd been able to get to this point sooner, because it's great.

I simply don't care. Not in any way does he bother me, I have zero emotion about him now. And it's so freeing.

They’ll get your chronological list and have a good old laugh over how crazy you are. Lots of guffaws about how you need to move on.

You need counselling to get him out of your head. Being triggered after all these years is your problem to solve. Counselling will help you get some emotional distance.

This is not a him issue its a you problem.
Op you need to move on with your life just as he has with his life.
Dont start something up to cause drama its just nit picking.
It will take time for you to heal but you will and for the new wife she will see who he really is in the long run or they just might be together for decades because they click and get on.
Just thank your luck stars you dont have to put up with him.
As i said above you need to move on and let it be now.

No it would make you look more the fool tbh op. Just leave them to it

I have moved on. I dnt even give him a seconds thought until he contacts me for the girls and just his way of talking and deflecting really triggers something deep in me and the anger comes to the surface.
I won't message her. I agree it's so cringey even thinking it. I just hate how he gets away without any accountability -
my daughter wants a new jacket cost £100. He agreed he would pay half. Now he is claiming poverty. Even though he is living in luxury but anything for our children he can't afford . I know this is tale as old as time but how can he get away with it? If my husband did this I would call him up
on it.

But I also read how unhinged I sound.

You sound like you are stuck in the cycle of abuse still. Really recommend blocking him and using a parenting app.

So as others have said, do not argue with him and limit your reasonable communication to written forms. You are giving this man too much head space.

Honestly, grey rock him and stop enabling him by hiding his shitty behaviour to his children. He doesn't turn up, don't hide the fact and cover it just say 'daddy says he's busy so he's cancelling, I don't know why you'll have to ask him', if the kids question why you don't speak to daddy anymore or upset just say 'dad isn't being very nice to me so I am putting in boundaries' etc.

You only have a few more years having to interact and then the children can do this themselves. Keep your head up!

In this case, I would say, 'sorry DD dad said he would pay half and now I can't afford the whole coat'