Do I tell the ex's wife what he's really like?

[Unknown1111]

So long story short. I have two DD 12 and 10 with ex - we have seperated over 6 years officially but we were done at least 3 years before that largely due to ex infidelity and screwing me over money/business.

Fast forward to today we have both remarried and had more children.
ex is always difficult and has always made issues of everything - hiding actual income ( we started a business together which he is director of and it makes millions) so CM is low in comparison.
childcare arrangements are always based on his needs and will canx last min if something more important comes up. But the main crux is if he can't do something ie collect DD because one has a sniffle for example he will ALWAYS call me (I shouldn't answer I know) and start a conversation to attack me and goade me about how shit of a mum I and that I dnt care about DD and I would send them illness or not. I know this sounds like a non issue but he triggers me because he was like this in our marriage - everything was my fault when it went wrong.
Anything positive was down to him.
it's now showing with our DDs. And it triggers me.

His mrs is really good to my girls but I know he puts me on loud speaker shows my messages to her when we argue (no doubt making me to be a crazy bitch which is why he left me according to her).
im so sick of just accepting what he says to me for the sake of the girls and he still ends up being father of the year that can't do wrong in DDs eyes as I hide the shit he gives me. Literally.

Im so tempted to get my back and just list chronologically with evidence the facts of our marriage and divorce and after to his Mrs so she understands to some extent what a prick he is to me. I know I shouldn't and will make no difference and I will look like the crazy bitch but I just want to cause shit in his life like he does to me just by triggering me as he used to when I was married to him. I'm petty I know but after almost 10 years of covering his shitty behaviours I'm done because nothing changes and he seemingly has just got away with his shitness .

Okay I hate to say this but it’s a firm no. It will achieve nothing. What you do need to do is disengage from the dance you two have been doing for forever. If you change and disengage he will no longer have the power you keep giving him.
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Conversations on the phone must be for emergencies only. If he calls ignore it, then message saying you can’t talk is everything okay? If he ‘goads’ you ignore it. Just point blank ignore it. He’s a bully, a nasty bully and trying to make the world see it won’t work I’m afraid.
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Under no circumstances slag him off to your children. It will make them feel terrible and reinforce anything he is saying. They will absolutely work him out eventually, support them when this happens. Be neutral and nice. If he lets them down say something like ‘that must feel horrible’.
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Also get some counselling, build some resilience towards him and put to bed issues in your marriage.
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You have to stop giving him this power over you. Under no circumstances tell him any of what you are doing. Be distant and aloof. As soon as he realises you’ve disengaged he will try harder to good you, ignore it!!! If he threatens you with solicitors, taking to the school etc simply say ‘okay, let me know how you get on with that.’ You have the power to change this.

I understand how angry and frustrated he is making you, but if you do this, you become the crazy ex he is painting you to be! You need to play the long game and give him enough rope to hang himself...

Karma is a bitch and she pays her debts, she just sometimes takes her own sweet time about it!

I would tell him all future contact via parenting app. I would not entertain having a discission with him if he is unreasonable.

You are not being unreasonable- this sounds extremely frustrating and he sounds like a prize prick. But emailing his wife will achieve nothing but play into his hands. As others have said, you need to take his power away from him. Don’t answer your phone, communicate by text and email. Don’t accept him cancelling/ changing plans- they’re his kids too. And when they’re older they will see him for what he is.

He's doing it to provoke and control you. You can't control what he does, only what you do in response. You can react and retaliate (which may piss him off but also gives him exactly what he wants- control and drama), or you can not engage and take the power back yourself... It's not 'letting him get away with it', it's about getting the best outcome for yourself in a shit situation...

Your girls will realise what a loser he is and that will be the greatest revenge. Continue to show them how you are the bigger person and the better parent.

Stop communicating on the phone with him. Email and text only. And be straight as you can be with you kids. They’ll see for themselves one day. Best revenge is for your ex to have no access to you and the impression that you are thriving and happy in your life.

You need to find ways to not let him get to you (eg stop picking up the phone, only talk to him when it suits you, preferably all contact via email or app). Don’t go down the rabbit hole of trying to annoy him, as you’ll only annoy yourself and look like a deranged lunatic to everyone.
Also, stop covering for him towards the kids. They are old enough to see how he behaves. Tell them the facts, but only the facts - not how he makes you feel - and only the facts that relate to them (eg “your dad said he won’t collect you as you have a cold”).

The only thing that will do is make you feel better, temporarily. Just try to ignore. I know how hard it is as my ex was exactly the same. Thankfully I blocked him the day my kids left school so I don't have to have any conversations with him again. He won't change, she likely knows what he's like and will put up with it for however long. Just move on and ignore.