I said something that hurt him, and he has been giving me the silent treatment for the past 3 days.

[1Blueshoe]

Though he did reply once yesterday to say he was a bit pissed off about me saying on new year's eve that he doesn't ever make decisions and just goes with the flow. He thinks I was saying he is weak. I wasn't saying that.
I had been drinking and I may have said things wrong, I will own that.
It is so painful and stressful to be ignored. I can't focus on anything else. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to talk to me now? Is it reasonable to need this much time and space to cool off? We don't live together so he has time and space by default. I've kept busy the last few days but the anguish is awful. I've told him it is painful. But there's no reply. He is a nice, kind person generally. It's definitely not the first time he has given me the silent treatment. It's pretty frequent. I thought we were making progress past it but here we are again.

I suspected that about my ex the time he pulled the silent treatment. I felt another option had came up. He had never given me any reason to suspect him before but i just felt it in my gut there was another woman in the wings.I feel it’s something men do a lot when they pull the silent treatment.

For me, silence isn't necessarily abuse or evil. It can just take a while for some people to process stuff can't it? To work out what they want?

he doesn't ever make decisions and just goes with the flow - was that it? It seems like a minor observation. His overreaction and sulking is awful. You deserve better.

If you find yourself having to not speak to your partner frequently for days at a time, surely it isn’t a healthy well-functioning relationship? Even if they’re awful you should rather leave them than keep playing the silent game. To me that’s not a proper relationship.

Block him before he decides he's 'punished' you enough. Sulking is an immature response and you deserve better.

Leave him to it.

Immaturity - And bin him.

Give HIM the silent treatment - for good!!

Doubt that anyone here without knowing you, him and your situation entitled for an opinion. It’s your life.

How long have you been together OP?

You said something that hurt him, you apologised. He either moves on from it or doesn't, being deliberately cruel is just not an acceptable option.

it's a power play @arethereanyleftatall

Background info.. We have been together over a decade and we have been through a lot together. He is legally separated from his ex since before we met, not divorced. Has a good, civil relationship with ex. He has two teenage kids, I have two adult kids. I don't think he wants to live with me, at least not before his kids move on to uni. He stays at mine half the week when not with his kids in his own house. Goes home when in a sulk.
I'm think I am going to give an ultimatum. This is the last time I waste 3 days on anxiety over the silent treatment.

OP What you mean is.

1. This isn't the first time, even after counselling, He frequently gives me the silent treatment.
2. When he's not giving me the cold shoulder he can present himself generally as nice and kind.

I don't think he wants to live with me, at least not before his kids move on to uni.

It seems quite odd that after 10 years you’re not absolutely certain what he wants in terms of progressing your relationship.

How long has he been seperated for? Is he going through the divorce process?

Anyone can change if the incentives are right. Tell him you won't accept the silent treatment and if you get it again the relationship is off. If he is a good man and right for you he will come round. If not, well rid.

Have they been together 10 years ? I must’ve missed that. If so that makes this whole situation even worse.

For your sanity ,your self esteem and for your ONE life, get rid!!! Don't spend another minute treading on eggshells waiting for this mangy little boy to take his bat and ball home.

He’s either choosing to be offended so he can justify giving you the silent treatment
Or
He is an overly emotional, overly sensitive crybaby.

Both are gross.

He is separated but still married and you have been together for ten years?
Why have you accepted this?

This is no way to start the year. Sorry, he’s not going to change and this is a form of abuse.

Oh wow I see it now about you being together for a decade.

As I said this make it all even worse.

That’s wild that he is not divorced. Or are you in Ireland? I hear divorce is much slower there.

He must have been separated at least ten years from his ex wife then so it all seems a bit strange. Why is he dragging his feet?

I do mean this kindly @1Blueshoe if you are not quite at the stage to completely change your life, giving him an ultimatum will not work.

Only you can change your response to this dynamic, he won't.

Are you there yet?

My dh is a silent treater..... Sometimes there'll be weird pleasantries but nothing more. We've been together 25 years. He also does the weird passive thing.

Before Xmas i said that in the three months since my dmum died id been ignored for six weeks and i couldn't live like that. If he did it again I'd leave.

So far he hasn't but we'll see. I wish i said it sooner. About 25 years sooner. What a waste.