AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

But to be fair I also think this!

3 months is tiny and the thought of flying abroad and not being with the baby all day.. not for me!

Also such a faff- you'll need to take so much stuff. I wouldn't trust a hotel travel cot for a newborn, the amount of times they've had badly fitted mattresses or the wrong bedding do you'll need a travel cot. You'll need a car seat for transfers, unless there's decent public transport. Then sling or pram. Possibly bouncer/ playmat for somewhere to put baby down. Not worth it for a couple of nights.

In the hotel or you don't go.
She's being a bridezilla.

I think you just reiterate your situation (don't apologise). Just say something like Mum's doing us a huge favour agreeing to look after our 3 month old and in order to make things go as smoothly as possible she'll be staying at the hotel with you. You could explain that they don't have any family rooms, so we're forced to book another room.

Your mum’s not a babysitter to be dismissed at the end of her shift!

If your friend had any grace, she would welcome your mum as a guest to all the extra-curricular activities outside of the big day. Like joining everyone for breakfasts, relaxing by the pool, dinner the night before or whatever she has planned.

I can only hope she’s gone full bridezilla and lost her mind. What a careless, selfish and classless way to treat someone.

Ridiculous senario

Sometimes when you book a hotel at the wedding, some of the rooms are allocated to bridal party - is it one of these rooms she is staying in? Or can anyone from anywhere book the rooms?

This 100%. I wouldn't go, but I suspect if you tell your friend you're not going she is going to kick off. Does she have kids of her own?

You are really going to struggle with this, when the time comes, even if the baby and your mum are both in the same hotel. Let alone otherwise!
If your mum was in another hotel then you'd have to leave the wedding early also?

Your friend sounds like a complete cow and I honestly wouldn't even go. Let alone bend over to her ridiculous demands, because the fact you are paying for your mum to go and trekking over there with a young baby, is already above and beyond.

I wouldn’t go

So you explained your reasoning to your friend and she essentially doubled down? Came back and repeated her massively unreasonable request?
Nah, tell her to get to fuck. Politely if you want. You're going abroad with a newborn with a babysitter and she's still requesting unreasonable shit? Why bother at all.

Honestly, I went to a wedding with a 12 week old. Close family, 2 hour drive away and the baby was invited - it was awful.

I wouldn't go in these circumstances, even without your friend being a bitch about the room.

Honestly, your friend is being selfish. I would be mortified if I was a guest and found out I took a room from your mum. I would use this as an opportunity to decline if you can. She will realise she’s being ridiculous. If not going isn’t an option for whatever reason, your partner will have to travel to the other hotel room when the wedding finishes. Can’t have your mum travelling alone in a foreign country when the wedding finishes. Ask your friend to put herself in your mum’s shoes.

My god you are bending over backwards to accommodate her ,and she can't even meet you a quarter of the way ,never mind half way.
I'd not be flying with a 3 month old baby .
I'd be saying sorry can't make it
It's an invite not a summons

Has she paid for exclusive use of the hotel or is she just hoping that all her friends and family will book up and she’ll get exclusivity for free?

Either way, she is rude and a useless host. If your friend can’t just be grateful at the effort your are going to attend her wedding she doesn’t deserve to have you there.

Can you not book a twin room with room for the cot, and share with your Mum that night?

Don't say anything to your Mum. Your friend is being very rude and will presumably look back at all this in absolute mortification in years to come, and your Mum doesn't need to be made feel awkward about it.

I would probably reply to your friend that you understand where she is coming from, but your Mum being there is the only way you can attend, so it's probably best if you bow out of the wedding altogether to keep the rooms free.

It's going to be a pain in the arse anyway, going to a wedding with a baby in tow who can't actually be seen or heard anywhere on the day.

This is what I'm confused about. Has friend paid for exclusive use of the hotel, including all the rooms? If so, I guess it's up to her who she gives each room to, and I'm assuming there's only enough rooms for the amount of guests?

But if people are booking and paying for their own rooms, they can do what they want, including booking a room for their mum, surely?

Situation sounds dreadful either way, tbh, you're being very accommodating even considering going. At 3 months PP I would very much have not been able to face this.

My friend’s response was “can your mum book into a different hotel”.

And your answer is "No, I need to be able to reach the baby as and when. So we'll have to miss the wedding if it can't be at the same hotel".

You’re not being unreasonable. Ask your mum, she’ll tell you. I think you need to find a new best friend.

“If my mum’s not there then I can’t come.
Which would you prefer?”

She's not your best friend.

YANBU

I can see this thread reborn in a few years when Bridezilla is faced with the same nonsense.

I wouldn't be entertaining the idea of going and having a 3 month old in another hotel.

We had this when our baby was just 4 months. Albeit not in a different country! We just gently explained that if we couldn’t stay in the hotel that we couldn’t go at all as you need to be available at the drop of a hat for a 4 month old. They did understand. We recently went to a wedding, and it was fine leaving baby a 10 minute drive from the venue as she was 8 months and sleeping 13 hours at night so less hassle! Stick to your guns, but nicely, and say you won’t be able to go if not. Be clear that baby will be upstairs and MIL will not come down, and that you’ll just quietly slip off when needed

I think that makes all the difference: knowing you're welcome no one cares if she squeaks or you have to disappear for a feed. Your friend made things easy for you.

The bride here is (maybe unwittingly) making it hard for her friend who'll have a 3 month old to come by placing restrictions on who can have a room at the hotel. For that reason and because the vibe is not conducive to a happy outcome for mum and baby I'd say no.

I'd be saying my mum can no longer make it and no-one else can come to watch baby and cancel