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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

614 replies

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:33

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

OP posts:
Pyjamatimenow · 03/01/2025 16:42

She’s being unreasonable but you’re unreasonable to be taking your mum all that way just to babysit. Mad. Are you paying for her flight and hotel? I would be horrified if I was your friend to be putting everyone out so much. She’s clearly not though.

JumpstartMondays · 03/01/2025 16:43

You are being more accommodating than I would have been! I just wouldn't have bothered going, no way I'd have felt up to it at 3m pp with my first baby.

Irridescantshimmmer · 03/01/2025 16:44

Decline the invitation, no decent or ood friend would separate a mother from her vey young baby.

Its cruel to you and yor baby

I would just say an absolute no.

Saxendi · 03/01/2025 16:44

You are right your friend is being completely insensitive.
I would have serious thoughts about going!

Original poster
BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I’ve given all the detail I can. My friend’s response was “can your mum book into a different hotel”. I’ve not gone back to her yet as I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable in this - hence the post.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 03/01/2025 16:45

Has your friend exclusively booked the hotel for her guests? I doubt it. Anyway, you've got 2 choices really. You and your mum both stay in another hotel and get a family room. Surely it doesn't have to be the "guest only" hotel, there must be others at the destination? Or you don't go. Personally it sounds like an exhausting and expensive exercise which, quite frankly, will be very limited in terms of enjoyment for you or your mum with a newborn.

MaggieFS · 03/01/2025 16:45

Barrenfieldoffucks · 03/01/2025 16:37

I'd say that my mum stays at hotel, or we don't come at all. No hard feelings, but we won't be able to come unless the baby is safe on site. At 3 months, she's tying your hands completely.

100% this

Applepoop · 03/01/2025 16:46

Either your mum is allowed to have the room next to you or you don't go. She is not your friend if she won't help you with this.

ErickBroch · 03/01/2025 16:46

Unbelievable. I wouldn't be going!

Toomanyemails · 03/01/2025 16:46

If your mum is pleased at the chance to get abroad and babysit, and this is a close friend, explain this is the only way you can attend the wedding.
If any of it was a hassle before friend's latest request, probably best to decline and send best wishes as this may not be the end of it. It's lovely if your mum is able and willing to come babysit but she shouldn't then have her accommodation dictated for her if the bride hasn't booked the hotel herself. If other accommodation is genuinely too far for guests then it's too far for you or your mum!

Original poster
BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:46

Pyjamatimenow · 03/01/2025 16:42

She’s being unreasonable but you’re unreasonable to be taking your mum all that way just to babysit. Mad. Are you paying for her flight and hotel? I would be horrified if I was your friend to be putting everyone out so much. She’s clearly not though.

Yeah of course I’m paying for it all, mum said she’s happy to do it as this is a rare scenario. I’ve not told her yet that bride doesn’t want her in the hotel.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 03/01/2025 16:48

Sounds very bridezilla. I think she's very lucky you're going at all, I wouldn't have been able to face a wedding abroad with a baby that age.

elastamum · 03/01/2025 16:48

Your friend is being very unreasonable. When my friend had just had a baby I put her parents in the bridal suite and sent them up a 3 course dinner so they could babysit and my lovely friend could be at my wedding. And we were only 30 minutes from their house!

HomeTheatreSystem · 03/01/2025 16:48

I would use the opportunity to decline the invitation. I think once you have the baby, you're going to be thinking to yourself, "What was I thinking to even agree to this??" She will have no understanding of the baby's feeding/care needs just as you have no understanding of going abroad with a 3 mth old for a wedding.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 03/01/2025 16:49

I hadn't even left my first baby for more than an hour at 3 months and that was with his dad.

Is your mum experienced with tiny babies? Often grandparents are a little bit out of practise unless she's got other grandchildren.

If you're making the effort to fly with a tiny baby and your mum for her wedding then she's being ridiculous to ask you to move your mum. I'd not be bothering with all the effort.

Maboscelar · 03/01/2025 16:49

Hi friend, the only way I can be part of your wedding is if my mum is in the same hotel as us so we can manage looking after my baby who will be only 3 months then. Do you want us there or shall we celebrate when you get back?

OR

No she can't book into a different hotel, she needs to book in at ours. Why are you being so difficult about this?

I don't really know why you asked her, she's not the boss of the hotel and she can't stop your mum booking a room, unless she has paid for exclusive use? In which case use my first option.

cartagenagina · 03/01/2025 16:50

I would explain it’s the only way you can attend the wedding.

Will you get money back if you have to cancel it?

Does she have an agreement with hotel that rooms can only be let to her guests? Otherwise it’s all a bit stupid really. Did you have a special code or something?

I would go to the area for a holiday and not attend the wedding if she won’t budge and you already booked flights.

Nc54684 · 03/01/2025 16:50

WOW you are already being incredibly accommodating by going to the wedding and leaving a newborn in a hotel room. She is being a down right bitch!! I’m shocked

GivingitToGod · 03/01/2025 16:50

Namenamchange · 03/01/2025 16:36

I honestly don’t know how you would manage if your baby was in another hotel, how would it even be possible or practical.

Not sure I’d even go under the circumstances.

THIS

Maboscelar · 03/01/2025 16:51

HomeTheatreSystem · 03/01/2025 16:48

I would use the opportunity to decline the invitation. I think once you have the baby, you're going to be thinking to yourself, "What was I thinking to even agree to this??" She will have no understanding of the baby's feeding/care needs just as you have no understanding of going abroad with a 3 mth old for a wedding.

I took my seven week old firstborn abroad for a wedding, but the bride was happy to have her present and everyone was lovely so it worked out great. It wasn't difficult at all and people were so nice to us because they love a baby on the continent.

Frostyaf · 03/01/2025 16:51

It's very unlikely that when the time comes for this wedding, you will actually want to go.

Boomer55 · 03/01/2025 16:51

Your friend is being very Bridezilla. 🙄. Either do it your way, or don’t go. 😉

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/01/2025 16:52

Your friend is being ridiculous. You’re moving heaven and earth to get to her child free wedding despite having a new born. Going to the expense of bringing your Mum too, and paying an extra flight and hotel room. Many wouldn’t do this!

The least she can do is allow your Mum to stay in the hotel - in fact - the least she could do is also feed you Mum in the day and generally make her feel welcome!

waitingforrugbytofinish · 03/01/2025 16:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Canthave2manycats · 03/01/2025 16:52

Nc54684 · 03/01/2025 16:50

WOW you are already being incredibly accommodating by going to the wedding and leaving a newborn in a hotel room. She is being a down right bitch!! I’m shocked

^This.

I'd message back and tell her that you won't be able to come if your mum isn't in the same hotel.

You are massively inconveniencing yourselves and your mother, taking a tiny baby on a flight, and all the attendant expenses - how dare she even suggest this?!