AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

I'd also be rethinking about going to the wedding. Abroad with a young baby especially if you had a bad birth.

Now I'd disagree with this & say if you're prepared & have a baby carrier, flying with a baby is probably the easiest stage until they reach teenager years when they probably want to just ignore you.

I wouldn't go. She sounds like a cow and tbh you might not even be up to going abroad at only 3 months PP.

Sounds like an awful lot of hassle to attend a wedding, taking a 3 month old baby and having to pop off all the time to feed/settle. I wouldn't go, i'd just organise a nice meal out separately at home to celebrate with them.

Look at the percentage saying YANBU ~ there's your answer .

Your friend is being exceptionally selfish and unreasonable.

She's being ridiculous. And this will be a PITA for you with rushing passports through, getting to baby on the day not to mention the cost during maternity leave. Focus on your time on becoming a new Mum rather than someone else's wedding. I wouldn't go at all.

Quite. Plus it’s a gamble on getting the baby’s passport through in time.

The way I see it is that the rooms are being booked by the wedding guests - you! The fact that you need two rooms because your mother is kindly looking after your child while you attend the wedding is neither here nor there. You are going to the wedding and you are a guest. If your friend had thought it through at all she would have and should have been the one to arrange childcare for those who, in order to attend the wedding themselves, need child care to do so.

Agree with this! Very easy to fly with a baby compared to a wriggly toddler. Probably the easiest bit of navigating her friend’s unreasonable requests! 😂

If you sack it all off now, when the time comes around you will be so glad you did. Regardless of whichever hotel you'd have been in.

Has the friend booked all the hotel rooms?

If so, why did the hotel give you the option of booking two rooms direct through them?

If not, how does she propose to prevent strangers from staying in 'her' hotel?

Does she know your mum, OP? Does your mum know too much about her past or something? It sounds like she's deliberately trying to keep her away from the guests, in the weirdest way possible.

YANBU

People who have weddings abroad are not living on the same planet as normal people.

We went to a family wedding abroad recently. The B&G keep going on about how wonderful it was, and how everyone had a great time.

No they didn’t.

We all got thrown together on holiday with people we didn’t know, and turns out we don’t like. Family were shocked and deeply upset at how much money and effort they had to fork out to go to the wedding. The brides mum was deeply embarrassed.

It might not be a summons but merely an invitation, but if you don’t go, there’s a family fallout.

I’ve already said that unless it’s one of my own DC I am NEVER forking out money like that again on someone’s narc-wedding.

Being kind, I'm going to assume your friend is very young (and you are too) and has absolutely no understanding of babies.

You have already been way over a normal amount of accommodating here.

'No children' doesn't tend to include babes in arms for obvious (to parents) reasons.

So I'm going with that she's just clueless rather than an outright bridezilla. I think I'd gently offer a little bit of research up on the norm here. (Which isn't what her expectations are).

This!
Is your friend resentful that you have a child? She's certainly doing everything she can to make it too difficult for you to attend.
I can't see your friendship surviving longterm, or even short term really. Some friendships can go really weird after one of you has a child.

Is she always so unreasonable and self absorbed?! Not sure if l would want to go to the wedding now and l certainly would not entertain the different hotels "suggestion"

Has friend paid for exclusive use of the hotel, including all the rooms? If so, I guess it's up to her who she gives each room to, and I'm assuming there's only enough rooms for the amount of guests?

This could be the reason. We recently got married and booked (and paid) for all the rooms for our wedding party. We did actually fill up the venue, but even if we didn't there's no way we would have wanted any randoms hanging around.

Luckily we didn't invite anyone with babies/ young children because we're old and grumpy and can't be arsed with annoying parents.

I would certainly NOT be going o this bloody wedding! I get that children aren't invited - bride and groom choice - BUT the bride does not get to choose who stays in which hotel. The OP wants her Mum there to look after the infant and yet the bride thinks it acceptable for them to be farmed out elsewhere!!!!
Sorry OP, I don't think you should be even considering attending this wedding.

I wouldnt as mum and baby not welcome in hotel. Bride is being really unreasonable, even if she did change her mind i wouldnt go.

I went to a wedding abroad with a breast feeding baby, had a great time, your friend is bu

YANBU. Fingers crossed everything goes swimmingly and it’s all a breeze but there are so many variables you don’t really consider before have a kid.
you don’t know whether baby will be on time (could be 2 weeks overdue), if you’ll need a c-section so have 6 weeks minimum recovery, any issues with feeding could be quite sensitive still, you don’t know how your body will feel, how you’ll feel about travelling with such a little one.

this friend is showing no empathy or compassion to you, and barely friendship in my opinion. I’d never expect my close friend to have to separate from a babe in arms. And then say they can’t even be in the same hotel- it’s outrageously selfish. Your baby needs you and if you are breast feeding you could be feeding every hour or 2 still. Why would she make it difficult for you?

No way would i go shes being a right diva fuck her

I understand her dilemma. The rooms need to be for the wedding guests. Could your mum share your room?

Unless the bride has pre-booked every room in the hotel (unlikely, unless the place is tiny), it's none of her business who else books a room and she gets absolutely no say in the matter. I'd just book your mum a double room (request it's next to yours) pronto.

You have the perfect excuse not to go but wanted to make the effort (at considerable additional expense) anyway and instead of appreciating that, she’s being a ridiculous bridezilla.

Cancel the trip, send a gift and stay at home cuddling your baby. 🌺