AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

[BunnyFox]

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

Yes - a couple of us. Don't think it's OP's priority

Sorry if this comes across cynical.

My eldest is now 3. Before she was born I had 2 best friends, they were my co- maids of honour. We've been incredibly close friends since our uni days. I couldn't imagine missing their weddings.
When she was born, my perspective on everything and priorities kinda... shifted. Yes friends are great but no way would i inconvenience my child to please either of them. One of my best friends (who had co organised my hen do with the other best friend, helped me out hugely in planning and executing the wedding etc) had her hen do when DD was 3 months old. I was helping plan that hen do and I was sure I'd go (with my husband waiting at the hotel - it was abroad). Weeks after she was born I realised that a) no way am I dragging my baby on holiday at an age when it's no fun and all stress for both her and me, and b) no way would I want to be away from her getting drunk on a boat, I'd rather have cuddles with her. The wedding happened when she was 7 months, she was invited (not sure if I'd have gone if she wasn't, but luckily didn't have to think about that) and, whilst I was happy for my friend, for the majority of the day my thought were more along the lines of "hmm can I give her that bit of broccoli to nibble on? That'd be good" or "I hope it's not too hot for her? Shall I take the cardigan off?"

My point is, I don't think having a baby will mean you don't care about your friend but there's a good chance it'll change how you feel, how committed you are to making the wedding, and your priorities may shift in such a way that you consider your baby's comfort much more than you place importance on your friendship.

With friends like that.......enemies.

Your friend seems very selfish and self obsessed. Why make the effort to go?You sound a lovely person to have as a friend. Maybe she doesn't deserve you.

You have made a good plan based on respecting the couple’s wishes.Your friend is being completely unreasonable to say your mum and baby can’t stay in the same hotel as you.

You got me excited that the Op had come back with an update!!

Tbh this is your first baby. You have no idea how you’re going to feel after the birth and being very new mum. What with all the travelling abroad and such a tiny one the last thing I’d want to do would be going to a noisy, packed, several days long event. I’d probably have declined the invite, in the first instance, with maybe a proviso I could come if anyone dropped out etc, when I felt more confident how I’d be a few months done the line……..

Me too!

Update:
I saw that people wanted an update, so just to say: my mum didn’t come (although in the end there was room at the hotel for her). But DH made sure to look after for the day and night so I could enjoy the wedding with the bride and our friends. The bride was apologetic about the scenario and we’ve drawn a line under it.
thank you everyone for your advice.

Book your mum a room that suits you. Bridezillas are murderous to deal with. 🙄

OP updated just before you posted.

I can’t even imagine travelling abroad with such a young baby let alone going along with her silly bridezilla demands! YANBU!

Thanks for the update OP! Good to hear that you were able to enjoy the wedding and that travelling abroad with a 3 month old wasn't too bad after all. And that you felt physically and mentally recovered from the birth.
Although I am still in shock that despite you moving heaven and earth to attend this wedding, the bride didn't "allow" your tiny baby to be there with you - and had to be kept out sight up in a room with your DP like some kind of leper.
I hope that if she ever has children she realises just how unreasonable she was.

I'm confused.. you said the wedding was at the beginning of Oct in an earlier post? Had it happened already?

OP was written January 2025