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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - friend wants hotel for wedding guests only but my mum will be looking after my newborn

614 replies

BunnyFox · 03/01/2025 16:33

My best friend is getting married later this year and I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. Baby will be 3 months old at time of wedding and children are not invited (no problem, her wedding her wishes). The wedding is also abroad, so I’ve got my mum to come to look after our new baby in the room. The wedding hotel has no family rooms and when I rang and explained the scenario they said all I could do was book 2 x double rooms, (ok, no problem if that’s the only option).
My best friend has now asked if my mum can book another hotel in the area as she wants to keep rooms for wedding guests only. I’ve explained that I will need to be near the baby for feeds and perhaps to settle them, so would like her to be onsite. It’s my first baby and I’m trying all options and logistics as I don’t know how things will go, but I feel she’s being insensitive to my situation.

OP posts:
Fazhugs · 04/01/2025 18:45

If your friend wants the hotel to be exclusively for family then she needs to book it and pay for it herself. She is being totally unreasonable especially given you want the room for your newborn! The word BRIDEZILLA comes to mind!

Buffs · 04/01/2025 18:51

I’d use this as an excuse to cancel.

pineapplesundae · 04/01/2025 18:54

I’ll bet friend is worried that having a young baby nearby will take the attention away from her and focus it on the baby. Who doesn’t love babies? So she wants mom in another hotel to keep the attention on the wedding and not the baby. She’s not a bad person, just young and silly.

MillyHilly99 · 04/01/2025 18:57

I absolutely wouldn't go. Baby and mum far more important.

RampantIvy · 04/01/2025 18:58

I’ll bet friend is worried that having a young baby nearby will take the attention away from her and focus it on the baby

I really, really don't understand this attitude. This is classic bridezilla behaviour.

She must be incredibly insecure and self absorbed to feel this way.

My niece was 23 months old and very cute when we got married. I never gave it a second thought.

helen32 · 04/01/2025 19:15

You need to go and have a chat with her. This is ridiculous. When we got married we had no children at the wedding due to number restrictions at our venue. 3 women had young babies, they all came with the babies, they were being breast fed. There’s no way I would have expected them to leave them. You’re being very accommodating taking your mum. She needs to meet you half way here surely and let your mum be at the hotel too. You should take priority with your baby x

NavyBee · 04/01/2025 19:17

I think your friend just has no idea of what a 3 month old baby is like and how much they need their mums. I’m guessing there’s worry about having enough room for all the wedding guests. So hmm…. If there is a nice hotel literally next door it might be not be unreasonable for your mum to be based there. If not then you need to talk about how difficult it will be to attend if you can’t be close to your baby - and see if she will problem solve a solution with you.

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 04/01/2025 19:18

Exactly as above, unless she has requested the whole venue then no chance. What's to say your mum hadn't booked a stay here by chance at the same time after all anyone can book a hotel. Tell us all the date and hotel and you never know your friend may find it booked up with strangers.

Marieb19 · 04/01/2025 19:30

You are being remarkably reasonable but I think your friend just isn't tuned in to the realities if having a family. It would be far easier for a couple of adults to get a taxi to another hotel after the event rather than put you and your mum's plans into a tail spin.

emmax1980 · 04/01/2025 19:42

I just wouldn't go if she is being Bridezilla. Can you both stay at a different hotel near by and only say turn up for the ceremony and go back to the hotel. You have attended the ceremony and then go about your day.

Deeperthantheocean · 04/01/2025 19:52

Very entitled, she can't commandeer a hotel and is being insensitive to your needs. You are making the effort to go, your Mum also. You either both stay there or don't go, what's more important to your friend? Just plain stupid and awful 😖

YowieeF · 04/01/2025 19:53

You mean ex- best friend?

CurryNRedWine · 04/01/2025 19:59

Oh my days! No way are you being unreasonable. A friend of ours got married when our baby was also only a few months old and he enquired if we’d be getting a babysitter. I was like, dude, she’s breastfed and attached to me permanently like a limpet. Her sling is now part of my wedding outfit haha! There’s simply no way I’d agree to not having my newborn with me at only 12 weeks old. Have a nosey of The Fourth Trimester. Maybe I’m bias, but our bubba was my favourite and most gorgeous ‘accessory’ haha! X

ARingtoit · 04/01/2025 20:03

This is awful to read and I feel so sorry for you. In my friendship group even those who don't like kids/want kids at their weddings wouldn't dream of banning a babe in arms - particularly as this is your first baby. You have bent over backwards to make it work and your friend has now taken it too far. She doesn't sound very kind or caring. There will be other weddings - I would pull out.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 04/01/2025 20:10

emmax1980 · 04/01/2025 19:42

I just wouldn't go if she is being Bridezilla. Can you both stay at a different hotel near by and only say turn up for the ceremony and go back to the hotel. You have attended the ceremony and then go about your day.

Did you miss the part where it's a destination wedding?

SillyOldBucket · 04/01/2025 20:21

I would just speak with her again and try to get across to her how unfair it is on your mum to shove her off to another hotel when she is helping, so you and your partner will also book into the other hotel so your mum is not alone. Then, as you are best friends, if she values that friendship she will want you to be at the wedding guest hotel and back down on her decision. Good luck!

DiduAye · 04/01/2025 20:23

If you aren't going to lose out financially tell the wedding nazi you won't be going and cancel flights and hotel

BlueFlowers5 · 04/01/2025 20:35

Your friend OP is being unreasonable. Your baby and DM at a different hotel? It's nonsense.

Any mother would want their 3 months old baby close to her.

I wouldn't go if I were you OP.

Nikki75 · 04/01/2025 20:46

Your new baby will be 12 weeks old you will be exhausted I get you want to be there for one of your closest friends but ... she is expecting too much from you and yes is in bridezilla mode and wont beable to think of anything else.
I would say to your friend for me to be at the wedding my mum will have to be in the same hotel with my baby son / daughter it isn't practical or fair to expect anything else and I'm sure the brides friends and family would agree too I'd be mortified asking a close friend and her mum to do this with a tiny baby ..

Tessiebear2023 · 04/01/2025 21:02

If I was your mum in this situation I'd be absolutely fine with this, if I was you, I would not be quite so fine with this.

I don't think that the proposed situation is in any way bad for your child, at 3 months old, with your own mum, wherever they are they will be absolutely fine! It's also a lovely trust/bonding thing to do between you both as close family. 3 month old babies can be tiring, day in - day out, but are essentially easy to look after, your mum will have no problem!

What I worry about, is as you say, your friend's bizarre reluctance to allow your child in the same hotel. This is not reasonable, and makes things unnecessarily harder for you, for no sensible reason. She's taken her entitlement as a bride way too far; she cannot dictate where your child stays. If she's worried about your baby upstaging her or distracting you somehow, then she's being immature and needy.

croydon15 · 04/01/2025 21:06

I would not go, on top of travelling with a small baby, what if the baby does not settle and to expect your Mum to stay in a different hotel is totally unreasonable.
Save your money for a holiday to suit you

Ponderingwindow · 04/01/2025 21:08

You should respond that your mother needs to be onsite to make this work. If the bride responds with anything other than acquiescence, then you should rsvp no to the wedding. She has already placed significant hurdles to your attendance. If she can’t make it as easy as possible for you to step out and take care of your baby, then she doesn’t really care about you being at the wedding. That should be taken as a clear sign it is t worth the expense and effort you are planning to use.

Ticketytutu · 04/01/2025 21:08

Have you looked on booking.com to see if the hotel is fully booked? Just interested to know if you could just book a room for your Mum and tell bridezilla that room booked and paid for!

Hellyk1985 · 04/01/2025 21:14

Your friend is being absolutely unreasonable.

i will say that the hotel is also being unreasonable IMO. Share a twin room with your mum and baby in travel bassinet. There isnt normally an occupancy requirement for under 2s!!

Sennelier1 · 04/01/2025 21:37

I think you went far enough in the Bridezilla Madness by 1) not complaining your baby is not invited and 2) by arranging childcare ánd paying for it yourself. I think you did a great job by finding your mother a room in the same hotel! She should be able to walk there in her slippers after you come back from the reception, and no she shouldn't be asked to go to another hotel!