Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

[Foy19]

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

Small claims court. Don’t mess about, she’s not your friend and has no intention of ever paying you back. She is a piss taker.

Wow
She isn't a friend and is effectively stealing from you.
She won't pay you back
Cut your losses and erase this scum from your life

Text back ‘if you can buy a new tv and a £200 haircut then you can afford to. You were supposed to pay me back by the end of dec, let me know when I can expect it’

I second small claims, she’s taking the absolute piss and I would not be bothered about losing her as a friend at this point.

I would also consider small claims court.

Even if you don’t this, she’s no longer your friend.

Make sure that text is screenshot just in case it disappears.

Then send her a letter before action, registered delivery, telling her that she has 28 days to repay the £400 that she borrowed after which you will be taking her to court and adding costs to the amount owed to you.

Tell her in writing so in text or whatsapp or email that you want back the money you lent to her, stating the amount and if you will accept instalments. It is up to you whether at this point you mention you will take her to small claims court and I absolutely would.

I have only ever lent family money but on the transfer the reference is "loan" so they know it is to be paid back and I can prove it is a loan if I too needed to go down the small claims court route.

Cheeky fuckers are alive and well. She's not your friend. You could take her to court, I suppose. Personally, I'd just have nothing else to do with her ever again.

Agreed! I would ensure the texts proving the borrowing were saved somewhere where they won't be deleted (not WhatsApp). Then send a single text saying I want the full amount by X date or I will be taking this to small claims and adding the costs onto the amount owed.

I imagine she will spit feathers and threaten and whatever but it didn't sound like much of a friendship anyway.

I'd go to her house and take the TV saying "Mine broke, I am in the middle of Corro. I need it more than you do"
Fuck her. Seriously this is not a friend.

Name and shame her online.

She’s not your friend. I’d chalk it up to experience and write it off and never speak to her again.

You aren't going to get the money back. Best thing to do is send a breezy message, go to her house for a social visit, smash the TV, grab the most expensive thing you can and leave. Sorry MN if this post breaks chat rules.

Letter before action then small claims court.

Here's a template and how to do it all:
https://www.which.co.uk/consumer-rights/letter/letter-before-small-claims-court-claim-aSFAC8Q6Jqan

Fuck her. What a bitch.

I’m not sure I’d want the aggro of taking her to court. I’d probably write off the money as a loss but cut her from my life completely and instantly.
I honestly don’t know how you let it get to this stage with her she sounds awful. You need to work on your self esteem.

Cut her off, she's using you

Wow some vicious people out there... If you can afford it, write it off and drop her as a friend. She's continuing to take the piss, I wouldn't want a friend like this.

Letter before action, costs nothing more than your time and the postage.
Chances are she will pay up - but if she doesn't you've taken the first step towards small claims if you want to pursue.

About 30 years ago I met someone like this woman and she started this shit. Another young mum, I have no idea who she was other than she was wearing dungarees and had dreadlocks - gave me the GREATEST PHRASE EVER. I was with the grasping woman at the bus stop and she was was nagging me for her fare and this woman lent over and, in a beautiful Irish accent said "Claire, leave her alone. You've always been one of lifes takers eh?"
One of lifes takers. They exist. When they take from you you have less for those that deserve your money/love/whatever. This 'friend' is one of lifes takers. Stop giving and start warning others like that fabulous bus stop angel.

You may not get it back voluntarily. She's one of life's takers.

Text her as Sunsetsandcocktails suggests -
Text back ‘if you can buy a new tv and a £200 haircut then you can afford to. You were supposed to pay me back by the end of dec, let me know when I can expect it’

What's vicious about wanting £400 back from someone who has exploited your good nature? There is a legal process to enforce this when the trust is gone.

I agree you should have cut her off long ago for blatantly using you and breaking/stealing your stuff. Work on boundaries so no one else walks all over you like this.

Small claims court. This friendship is dead and buried - she's a piss taker. Get your money back off her and don't speak to her again.

That's good, but cut the last bit about letting her know.

‘if you can buy a new tv and a £200 haircut then you can afford to. You were supposed to pay me back by the end of dec and it's already late. I need the money now.'

Just to clarify, I was referring to other posters not @Foy19