Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

235 replies

Foy19 · 03/01/2025 15:42

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

OP posts:
Christmassoxs · 03/01/2025 16:19

I don't understand why you've let her get away with so much in the past AND then think it'll be okay to lend her £400 thinking you'd get it back, 'fool me once, shame on you' quote comes to mind.
I'd do the small claims court, then escalate if needed, then when sorted out one way or the other drop her.
She's not been a friend to you for god knows how long in any sense.

Moveoverdarlin · 03/01/2025 16:20

Hi Jo

I really do need the money hence why I’ve chased you up. Didn’t think I’d have to chase to be honest, I was helping you out when I lent you the money so assumed you would pay me back in good faith as agreed. The clutch on my car went today, it’s booked in for Monday to be repaired. It’ll cost £675 plus VAT so like I said I really do NEED the money back.

Bank details are XYZ. I need it back today. I value our friendship Jo, but please don’t fuck me over on this, I won’t let it lie. It’s my money, not yours. Sounds petty but I’ve looked in to the small claims court and that’s the next route I’ll take.

Like I said, let’s not make this a thing. Pay me the money today and we can move on.

Christmassoxs · 03/01/2025 16:21

The sentiment is nice but she won't give a fuck about your car problems even if they are real.

mynumber · 03/01/2025 16:24

If you haven't already got evidence you need to text her back with the details and get her confirm the amount etc in writing without her knowing it!
Ie:
I can't believe I was nice and lent you the £400 you asked for and now are you saying you won't give it back? We said pay back by last month. I need the money I've got bills to pay!
Even if the last bit isn't true it may provoke a response thus confirming the loans.
Then small claims court

hellswelshy · 03/01/2025 16:28

Hmm this is very cheeky. This is a supposed friend? I'd be mortified to treat a mate like this, especially one that had lent me money. I'd reply 'The money was a loan, not a gift, as agreed at the time. I do need you to repay it straight away and I'm upset this is something I've had to ask you for'. Whatever she replies should tell you everything you need to know about her and the money.
You can't turn back time op, but it will be lesson learnt, whatever the outcome.

Paradisegained · 03/01/2025 16:28

Pixilicious1 · 03/01/2025 15:44

Small claims court. Don’t mess about, she’s not your friend and has no intention of ever paying you back. She is a piss taker.

Yes this. I lent someone a good friend £500 until the next ot day. It didn’t come back. I was a single parent. I sent them two letters asking for my money back either as a lump sum in 30 days or in two instalments for the 1 st of the next two months and supplied bank details.

I didn’t hear back from the first and for the second she said she couldn’t pay me at all. I included copies of my original texts saying loan of £500 until the 18 of this month to be paid back after you get paid etc

I filed on 32 days after my letter and enclosed the original bank transfer, her text asking for a loan, and all documents of the contact about money. I think it costs me about £130 to claim and I was awarded the full amount in 14 days plus my lump sum of £500 and interest. She paid the day after the court decision to avoid a default on her credit. Best thing I did and so easy.

YourOpalLion · 03/01/2025 16:28

Erase from life 100% once money is retrieved. If was me I would constantly harass for the money every day until she gets fed up and sends it first of all. Similar has happened to me before and I threatened to post everything on social media to embarrass him if he didn't pay up. Pretty extreme to some probably but it worked and I got my money back around £600. This was after many months of trying everything to pay it back and I really needed the money too at the time. Make sure she knows you are serious and not messing around. Also take this as a learning curve because it is a really good lesson. I am a lot more comfortable saying no now after similar experience 😀 Good luck and sorry you are in this situation

YourOpalLion · 03/01/2025 16:29

Also as others have said keep every message etc as evidence so she cannot turn around and say you are lying etc

honeylulu · 03/01/2025 16:29

Makes my blood boil. I no longer lend anyone money as I learnt my lesson - in that many people ask if you can "lend" them money when they actually mean "give". They have no intention of paying it back, but can't even be honest when they ask!

The people who didn't pay me back gave similar excuses, that i had it sitting around available and didn't really need it, whereas they'd have to tighten their belts to be able to pay me back. Fuck that shit!

TheseCalmSeas · 03/01/2025 16:29

I’d say that’s not her decision to make and you’re happy to talk about instalments.

Although if my best friend was struggling, I would want to help if I’m in a financial position to do so. Her attitude isn’t doing her any favours though!

Canthave2manycats · 03/01/2025 16:31

Shopgirl1 · 03/01/2025 16:02

Why on earth did you give her the money with form like she has shown you previously? I don’t understand how she managed to get you to pay for her lunch and her friends. She sounds like a complete user. I would threaten small claims court and also never do another thing for her no matter how desperate she is, or seems.

I'd have been done with her after paying for her friend's meal! Dear god, what a brass neck!

MrsMoastyToasty · 03/01/2025 16:32

Text her back.

"You don't need a CCJ either".

Ooral · 03/01/2025 16:32

£400 is a very cheap price to pay with regards to learning (finally) that she is a CF and not really a friend, only someone that uses you. Bin / Block and forget.

LumpyandBumps · 03/01/2025 16:33

If not repaying a loan because she needs it more than the lender was an acceptable thing to do no one would ever pay their credit card bill.

If you have evidence of the loan and she has the means to repay then it would be worth the initial court fee to see if that brings results. If she doesn’t have a visible source of income, such as from employment there is no point in pursuing court action.

The only consolation for the future is that cutting her and her sponging ways out of your life will save you more than £400.

HowdyDoody2025 · 03/01/2025 16:35

then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all

So she has shown you what she is like before - why did you not believe her?

No sympathy for you @Foy19 , it is enablers that allow CFs to behave as they do

Viviennemary · 03/01/2025 16:35

She is a nasty, greedy totally selfish piece of work. Get your money back if you can then drop her. I wouldn't text her about the new TV and haircut. Make up a sad tale as to why you need the money.

seven201 · 03/01/2025 16:38

I think for the sake of trying to get the money back amicably I'd reply along the lines of thinking she was joking. "Ha ha, very funny miss new tv and fancy hair! I do need it back by X date as my car insurance is due amd I budgeted this £400 for it. Did you have a nice new year?" Then go from there. If she messes you around further then I agree with the small claims court suggestions. Also, download or print screen your WhatsApp thread in case you need it for evidence!

Ralpho · 03/01/2025 16:38

Cheeky fuckerS.

OP make this year to work on exterting healthy boundaries. 💐

A former friend once asked me to lend her money despite her commitment phobic boyfriend who was living with her but reluctant to admit he was living with her contributing NOTHING to the household.

I told her I didn’t feel comfortable lending friends money. She fell out with me - oh well!

pinkyredrose · 03/01/2025 16:42

Gently reminded her this morning by text

Why gently? More fool you really for keeping her in your life and allowing her to use you.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 03/01/2025 16:44

"OK so we both think each other is being unreasonable. We'll leave it to the Small Claims Court to make the decision."

Lavenderfarmcottage · 03/01/2025 16:45

Far worse things in life than being taken for a ride. When you find yourself swinging baseball bats into a tv and yelling “that a show ya” then you know you’re in trouble.

The money is annoying but there is no need to become the person who didn’t repay it

AConcernedCitizen · 03/01/2025 16:46

You're paying Pushover Tax.

There's a slightly ruder term for this but it would get me in trouble with MN 😅

GrannyRose15 · 03/01/2025 16:49

Foy19 · 03/01/2025 15:42

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

Simple answer is “You don’t”. Put it down to experience and NEVER lend money to a friend again. It’s a good rule of thumb never to lend money that you can’t afford to lose but I prefer the old adage “neither a borrower nor a lender be”.

Lilactimes · 03/01/2025 16:54

Maybe she owes money for a broken Dyson Airwrap 😅

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 03/01/2025 16:55

It's clear from her response that small claims court is your only option. Send her a letter before action and go from there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread