Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

[Foy19]

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

I'd follow up with a message stating the terms of the loan, the amount, when it was to be paid back. (for written record), then say you will accept installments of £100 per month, if she cannot pay it all back in one go. Tell her that you're being more than reasonable and that if she wants to pay in installments, you'd like the first one no later than 10th January, then subsequent by the 10th of each month thereafter.

If you get no response or payments, then send a recorded mail Letter Before Action on 11th February, giving her 14 days to repay the full £400. Then go down the Small Claims route.

Screenshot all communications in-case she deletes them.

Don't respond to her who needs it more than the other BS, that is irrelevant.

And when you message her back today, remind her that she still needs to return her other friend's broken Dyson Airwrap.

To expand.
It's not the only option.
You could take it up the arse while she laughs at you and fans herself with your money.

I'd prefer to go down the legal route even if I never got a penny. Just for the satisfaction of a ccj on her credit score.

Send her a registered letter telling her unless you get your money back you will take her to small claims court.

CF'er saying you don't need the money - who do these people think they are?

Small claims court.

Personally I would not take a former friend to small claims court not for that amount anyway. . But I would be very clear that I wanted the money back.

I’d say something like “ we agreed you’d pay me back by December and I’ve had no apology or explanation as to why you couldn’t make that deadline. I’ll give you to the end of this week/month but if you can pay me back sooner that would be better. I definitely can’t give you another extension beyond this week/month”

I only ever lend money to friends that I can afford to not get back, I had a childhood friend who was a bit similar to yours except I never lent her anymore than £100 at a time, although altogether it amounted to a few hundred. She didn’t pay a penny back but I was actually okay with that as I’d always said to her you don’t need to pay it back if you can’t afford to. Out of decency though I expected she would get me the odd coffee or meal in return. She never did - in fact she expected me to pay for her and her 3 children if we ever went out.

Eventually I realised the friendship was too one sided and I was compensating for their households poor financial management, because she allowed her useless partner to spend all his money on weed. So I just let it fade away.

Oh and if you don’t get the money back you should end the friendship. Either way do not lend her money or pay for meals again, she’s a user who has no respect for you and it won’t be reciprocated ever.

Great post! Love this. Thank you.

I would take her to small claims. Don't let her type win.

What is CF?

This. I took somebody to the equivalent of small claims and not only did I get my money back plus costs, but the satisfaction of knowing that would be on his credit file.

Wow what a cheeky fucker she is definitely no friend. I wouldn't let it go on principle but before I send a formal letter before action I'd send one final text:

"As you well know, the £400 was not a gift it was a loan & should have been repaid by now. Please transfer the full amount by XX date (I'd give a few working days - next Friday?) or you'll leave me with no choice other than to start proceedings with the small claims court. If that means you get another loan or sell your new TV to cover it them so be it but not repaying isn't an option."

As she’s admitted it is a loan, I would definitely take her to small claims.

cheeky fucker

@ReadingSoManyThreads

And when you message her back today, remind her that she still needs to return her other friend's broken Dyson Airwrap.

I lol’d. I really did.

Small claims court

Screenshot all messages now for evidence. I would give her a heads up in the hope she might see the light. Her head needs a wobble.

And to add to my previous post the friendship is done. Whether she pays you back or not this is not a good friend. Again, she has zero respect for you and I wonder if she even likes you?

Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

@Foy19

I'm assuming you don't have a written agreement. If you're serious about pursuing her in Small Claims Court, I'd send her a text that says "When I lent you £400 in September, you agreed to repay me by the end of December. I haven't received the money I lent you back. When do you plan to repay this loan?". Note that it mentions 'loan/lent/repay' multiple times as well as the amount and specific dates. Hopefully you'll get a response from her that agrees either literally or by implication that it was a loan and she knew she needed to repay, even if she adds 'go whistle'. That might satisfy the courts that she owes you the money.

That being said, consider the costs of SCC vs the amount she owes. Also, to the best of my knowledge all SCC does is make a legal order to repay, they don't make her 'cut you a cheque' right then and there. So you may possibly have to pay someone to actually collect the debt.

I'm not saying this to discourage you, if you want to pursue her, then do it. But also consider whether you'd rather just write it off as a 'bad debt', lesson learnt, and simply block her and move on from the friendship.

You are not stupid but you certainly made an error of judgement OP, as we all do sometimes. This woman is most unlikely to pay you back anything. I would mentally write off the debt and vow never to lend anyone money again. Either refuse future requests or give the money as a gift. I have done this with friends and relatives who asked for a loan and it feels much better than facing all the resentment and hurt later. And a few people insist on paying you back even if you said it was a gift.

I think that as she has form for being a cheeky fucker you were a mug to lend her anything, let alone £400. I think it’s highly unlikely you’ll get that money back and you should probably send her a message telling her very firmly that you hope she enjoys her new tv as that’ll be the last time you have any contact with her. She’s a user, not a friend.

I would be telling her she isn’t taking the piss out of me and demanding the money back.

The friendship is dead and she is a user so I wouldn’t care less how she reacts.

Some friends really are utter bastards. Sorry OP!

I lent a friend 200 quid last year, she said her bank paid her 4pm and she’d put it in my account at 4. I was lending her it for a matter of hours.
Shes since had a holiday and got married and lied monthly about when I’m getting my money.
200 quid I really couldn’t afford to lose either.
I’m more pissed off at myself for lending it, I should have told her to just go the cash point.
Never again.

Small claims court.
You have the texts as proof.
Learn from this.

She's a thief & you're a mug, I dont mean to be cruel OP, but 'fool me once . . .' etc.
I think I'd try the small claims idea (provided you have enough evidence for a good case) & then cut her off.

Small claims court. Like yesterday.

Stop being such a doormat.

That money's gone, OP. An expensive lesson.

This

If you will not be too out of pocket - cut your losses. Send her scathing text and block.
Never to be contacted again.