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Original poster

Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

235 replies

Foy19 · 03/01/2025 15:42

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

OP posts:
ToastyCat · 03/01/2025 15:55

I'm such a bitch I'd text her something like " You're right I do like to help the less fortunate, keep the money but don't bother contacting me again"

You've been taken for a ride op, you're obviously a lovely friend. If you can afford to lose it, cut her off as a friend, and it's money well spent.

If you feel you want to, then take her to small claims court.

NeedToChangeName · 03/01/2025 15:56

Fool me once, it's on you

Fool me once, it's on me

She's no friend to you, and hasn't been for years

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 03/01/2025 15:57

And you've let this shitty friendship rumble on because?...

Either faff around with small claims court or consider this a lesson in never being a pushover ever again.

Itisjustmyopinion · 03/01/2025 15:57

Never lend what you can’t afford to lose as you never know who will turn into a CF as you have unfortunately found out

But stop any WhatsApp messages and go the formal route. Letter before action template as shared above. Will show her that you are not going to take this lying down

Whatever you do don’t go round to her house and start smashing things up as suggested. That’s ridiculous advice. You don’t live in a soap opera so no need to behave like you are

iamwhoeverisayiam · 03/01/2025 15:58

This isn't a friendship she's mugged you

custardpyjamas · 03/01/2025 15:58

Is she much worse off than you? Not that it really matters, she owes the money, but sounds like a definite I'm not giving it back.

You could try a half jokey reply, 'You're mixing me up with one of your rich friends, I'm broke and really need my money back now.' If you don't get a half reasonable response to that I agree with the threat of small claims court and then follow through.

404ErrorCode · 03/01/2025 15:59

This woman is taking advantage of your kindness.

Please make sure this is the last time she ever does this. You deserve a better friend.

Verv · 03/01/2025 16:00

I wouldnt even respond message-wise - cut the discussion and the friendship.
Letter before action then small claims.

Lifelover16 · 03/01/2025 16:01

Do you have any evidence that you lent it to her? You will need for small claims court, otherwise she could deny it and it’s your word against hers

Havalona · 03/01/2025 16:01

Hiya "friend" I've just told everyone we know that you will try stealing from them next. they have now been warned.

Shopgirl1 · 03/01/2025 16:02

Why on earth did you give her the money with form like she has shown you previously? I don’t understand how she managed to get you to pay for her lunch and her friends. She sounds like a complete user. I would threaten small claims court and also never do another thing for her no matter how desperate she is, or seems.

HomeTheatreSystem · 03/01/2025 16:02

Small Claims: it will cause her discomfort and reconsider this way of funding luxuries she can ill afford.
Leave it: she'll keep doing it (to others) as there's no downside to it bar a few snippy texts.

You lent the money with a repayment date: she has no business saying she needs the money more than you. Your finances are fuck all to do with her. She needs to repay.

Twiglets1 · 03/01/2025 16:05

Foy19 · 03/01/2025 15:42

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

I would write it off and never talk to her again.

SerendipityJane · 03/01/2025 16:06

Lifelover16 · 03/01/2025 16:01

Do you have any evidence that you lent it to her? You will need for small claims court, otherwise she could deny it and it’s your word against hers

The exchange of texts should be enough. If the "friend" want's to claim that "it wasn't them"/"new phone. Who dis?" etc then the onus would be on them to prove that to the court who would decide on the balance of probabilities. If said "friend" had not reported the impersonation (or theft or whatever) to the police then the view will be be something like "Aye, Didya ?"

Vaxtable · 03/01/2025 16:07

I would text her again and say actually you do need the money, the agreement was you would be repaid by end of December and you would like the money back by xxx. I would give her 5 days. If she does not I would simply go direct to small claims court and try and get it back that way

Then stop being friends with her (and I would let all mutual friends know not to lend to her and why, and indeed why they should not pay for her on any nights out!)

LookItsMeAgain · 03/01/2025 16:10

You say to her "Which do you want more - a friend or a claim made against you in the Small Claims Court because by the end of January you will have one of them"

I'd approach her husband and say that you're very impressed with the new television and how well her hair looked but you need the £400 that you loaned his wife back and now you need it more than she does. She doesn't get to dictate whether you need it or simply want your money returned (neither is wrong, by the way) but as you're not getting any traction with her, you are turning to him. If you happen to know her family members, perhaps shaming her by saying that you didn't realise that the money you loaned her went towards luxuries but you need that money returned now and were they even aware that it was your money going towards these things.

This individual is coming across as very entitled and probably believes the world owes her a living instead of her having to work for it!

CouldItBeAnyMoreObvious · 03/01/2025 16:10

Foy19 · 03/01/2025 15:42

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

Take her to small claims court if you have your agreement in writing. Otherwise, it's a waste of time because your word against yours.
Out her as a thief on social media
However, you knew what she was like, so you shouldn't be surprised. As bill shakespeare said, neither a borrower nor a lender be.

Pumpkinpie1 · 03/01/2025 16:12

EmmaMaria · 03/01/2025 15:48

Make sure that text is screenshot just in case it disappears.

Then send her a letter before action, registered delivery, telling her that she has 28 days to repay the £400 that she borrowed after which you will be taking her to court and adding costs to the amount owed to you.

I’d do this OP!
Give her a chance to pay , evidence it and if she doesn’t take her to court. She has absolutely no respect for you and your friendship . If she did she would not have responded like that.

WiddlinDiddlin · 03/01/2025 16:12

Definitely:

Text discussing the loan in some way so that you get a text response that acknowledges she did borrow it, does owe it. Word it however you like you just need that in writing really.

Then.. letter before action - tell her she's got x time to pay back or small claims court.

Then small claims court.

I definitely would not let it go, she is the ultimate cunty fucker!

Horserider5678 · 03/01/2025 16:13

Pixilicious1 · 03/01/2025 15:44

Small claims court. Don’t mess about, she’s not your friend and has no intention of ever paying you back. She is a piss taker.

The wouldn’t win! It was an understanding and nothing appears to have been written down. I had a family member who lent a friend considerably more than £400 and repayment wasn’t forthcoming! Judge threw the case out as there was no formal agreement about repaying. Lesson learnt never lend anyone money!

Pumpkinpie1 · 03/01/2025 16:13

LookItsMeAgain · 03/01/2025 16:10

You say to her "Which do you want more - a friend or a claim made against you in the Small Claims Court because by the end of January you will have one of them"

I'd approach her husband and say that you're very impressed with the new television and how well her hair looked but you need the £400 that you loaned his wife back and now you need it more than she does. She doesn't get to dictate whether you need it or simply want your money returned (neither is wrong, by the way) but as you're not getting any traction with her, you are turning to him. If you happen to know her family members, perhaps shaming her by saying that you didn't realise that the money you loaned her went towards luxuries but you need that money returned now and were they even aware that it was your money going towards these things.

This individual is coming across as very entitled and probably believes the world owes her a living instead of her having to work for it!

Good idea, hopefully the husband has a concience

littlemissprosseco · 03/01/2025 16:14

You’ve got the higher moral ground here.
Ask her again.
Accept any payment plan she comes up with. It is your money after all!
Quietly walk away from your friendship.
Your other friends will work her out for themselves, you don’t have to bad mouth her

commonsense61 · 03/01/2025 16:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

needapokerface · 03/01/2025 16:17

If you do decide to take her to small claims court, you will have to pay the initial fee, and describe the details of the claim, ie you lent her money, you can detail the times you have asked for the money back.

The court will then send her paperwork, but if she decides to ignore it after 30 days you have a couple of choices to make, non of them unfortunately guarantee's you getting your money back including the court fee.

I do this for my job regularly and private clients usually just ignore them.

I find it satisfying to just issue a county court judgement and have not further contact with them. Usually about 5 or 6 months later one of the clients will be trying to get some sort of finance and find out they have a judgement against there name.

It can be removed after they have paid the full amount to yourself and a further £250 to the court with a detailed explaination of why they ignored the initial court paperwork.

If I was in your position I would be really pissed off and If I could afford to I would write of the money and the friend.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 03/01/2025 16:17

Hi Fiend.
I really don't think its your place to decide if I need money or not, just as I didn't think it was my place to tell you that you couldn't spend the money I loaned you on a TV and a hair appointment. But you did. So please return my money immediately or I will take further action.

Then call her husband and ask him to drop the TV off at your house as you need to sell it to get your money back.