Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

[Foy19]

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

Message her back saying she has no idea of your financial commitments so she can't comment on how she needs the money more. Remind her it was a loan she agreed to repay & say if she can't afford to pay the total amount back at once to return the TV she bought & repay the refunded money as a start. Let her know you want the money back & if she doesn't repay by XX date then you'll have no other option than to apply to the small claims court. You were daft lending her it knowing what a CF she is. Lesson learnt.

The “friendship” is over because of her using you. She is not your friend. What is more, she has no respect for you. She has outright told you she is not going to pay you back.

yes, small claims court do she knows she ent get away with this behaviour going forward (clearly not ten you as you’ll be dropping her, but also for anyone else).

if you haven’t hit it in writing already the actual amount, text her back and write something along the lines of “just to be first, you borrowed c amount from me in September and you promised me you’d is me back at least in instalments by the end of this past December and now you’re telling me you won’t pay me back, because you think you need the money more than me? You’re overdue with paying me back. I expect the money by the end of the week paid into my account xxxxxx.

when she doesn’t pay you, you send her a letter in the post - a letter before action. You can get this free template on line. Then you file in small claims court.

most people pay up do as not to get a ccj on their record. She may or may not pay you back.

if she doesn’t, then there are next steps but for £400 it may not be worth it. If she owns her own property, she’d be very invested in keeping good credit score for mortgage applications. But if she’s not on that tract, there isn’t much traction for her to repay. But at least something will be done and you’ll feel better

sorry this has happened to you. May have been the wake up call needed to dump this piece of trash

It depends on the value of your friendship. There are many claims on here saying that she is not your friend and take her to the small claims court. This will kill what friendship there might be and might result in repayment in instalment. This would allow her to paint herself as the victim and leave you possibly feeling worse than you do now. If you can afford to let the money slide, you keep the friend and learn a lesson. If you want it back, you will lose a friend and pay in other ways

I actually don’t think she should go to small claims but why on earth would she want to continue a friendship with a woman who treats her like this? @VintageMan

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

This “friend”:

• comments negatively on her weight gain.

• Doesn’t have respect or care for her friends belongings

• Sponges of her mates on nights out

• generally tries to take advantage of her mates.

There’s a clear and consistent pattern of entitlement, disrespect, selfishness and contempt running through all of these actions.

If Op has even a grain of self-respect and self-love she will realise there is no friendship and it’s not her who killed it.

@Foy19 any update?

"DeliciousApples
Why are people still advising the OP to go to the small claims court? It seems fairly obvious that there is insufficient evidence for them to act.

It's a hell days she said situation. There has to be written evidence of the terms of the loan. And that it wasn't a gift.

It costs money to go to court so the OP would be out of pocket for nothing!

As for demands fir instant repayment, if she's not had her January wages yet it's highly likely she will be skint like the rest of us as we have just been through Christmas and new year, gusting and drinking/dining. So again, why are you suggesting this?

A common sense approach is needed to a help her do what the OP needs.

Even though it shouldn't be, due to the friend being an inconsiderate and ungrateful Individual, and a lack of paperwork when setting up the loan, it is what it is."

Reply:
She has a text message saying 'I can't afford to pay you back'. Anyone with a semblance of critical thinking would realise that's an admission that the money was loaned. The friend hasn't denied anything and actually, in the absence of any evidence, the legal presumption is that money between friends IS a loan rather than a gift - married couples and transfers from parents to children are the only relationships to be presumed gifts.

In any event, it doesn't cost much to make a claim, and there's a good chance the friend will 'settle' once the process starts, even with an agreement for installments. It's unlikely it'll ever go as far as a day in court!

My further reply:
There is a text but there is no repayment schedule. She can say the loan was to be repaid in 2026. There is no evidence to the contrary. If the OP goes to court it will be thrown out and a waste of money.

Amount Claimed
Small Claims Court Fee
up to £300
£35
Up to £500
£50
Up to £1,000
£80
Up to £5,000
£120
If you win your case, the judgment in your favour will usually include your court fee. The other side will have to pay your court fee, and the money awarded under the claim. If they fail to do so you might need to take further steps including enforcement. That requires additional steps, costs and processes to be completed.

So if the OP starts the process, and the friend then settles out of court, the OP has lost £50.

Let’s be serious here, whether we believe OP would have a case for small claims or not considering she has allowed this friend to sponge off and even insult her for years ,the chances of her making the leap to small courts is very slim. Even if she did have all the necessary evidence.

Best to suggest more realistic ways for her to stand up to her friend.

She's not a friend, she's a freeloading scrounger! Small claims court will give her pause for thought even if it doesn't result in anything.

Where's Judge Rinder when you need him?

Hey op you message her back say you can afford a new tv and haircut so if I don’t get it back by the end of the month I’m taking you to court I don’t think you have the right to say you need it more as it’s not your money and definitely don’t stay in touch she’s not a friend she’s a leech. Money grabbing cow. I would be fucking fuming if I was you.