Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

[Foy19]

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

she is so entitled and mean. get your money back

qft

Wow with friends like this who needs enemies? The trouble with small claims is the hassle. My Sil Runs a business and said they were told under 2k not worth claiming. I would give her one last try and wipe her .you don't want her in your life.shes a user .

Wow. She's got some brass neck!! Agree you should persue through the small claims court. Do you have proof of the loan?

Just don’t lend her an aiwrap …
She is using you.
Send a txt - only written communication that you can refer to later.
Tell her unless she pays by x date that you will take to small claims court - and give her a date.
Don’t accept partial payments.

I hope you have proof. Over the years we lent a (then) family member thousands. Usually to fix her car. When she divorced, we asked about repayment. “You can’t prove it was a loan. There’s nothing in writing”. True.

Yep I was going to suggest this if on fb 👍🏻

She's envious of your wealth and certainly not a friend.

You had signals before, bad comments, scroungy friends invited to dinner, and it's a shame you wanted to be so nice once more when it's not appropriate.

Some behaviours show the quality of people.

Back in the 90s I once lent a friend £100 to pay her mortgage, (I was on my own struggling to pay my own bills)- anyway took me months of asking for it back & eventually did get back in instalment's, which I had to collect like a loan shark.
I went round in the peeing rain, when she answered the door, she was in shorts (Nov) spray tanned & new outfit hanging up, ready for the night out 😩
I will never, ever lend money out again. To that day I have never clapped eyes on this so called user of a friend thankfully.

That friend is no friend & if she’s throwing insults your way, sounds like she wants you to fall out with her so that she doesn’t have to give you the money back- she’s a total bitch!

Sadly if you've not get a written agreement, then the small claims court is a non starter. The other little known thing about this court is it costs you money to start the claim, and you may very well end up with a bigger bill than just writing the loan off. I've been to the SCC over a tenant not paying rent, so although there was a CCJ put against them, I ended up with all the court fees plus still no sign of the rent. So it was a waste of time and more good money thrown away.

If you actually got her to court, all she would have to do is deny you loaned her the money, and said it was a gift, it's her word against yours. Without a written agreement....

I'm afraid you've got to write your money off and write her off (as a friend) as well.

Don’t mess around, message her and tell her she has 48 hours to repay the entire amount before you submit a claim to the small claims court. Then actually submit a claim if she doesn’t comply with your deadline. Simple as that. Don’t mess around, she is a CF and taking the piss.

Why are people still advising the OP to go to the small claims court? It seems fairly obvious that there is insufficient evidence for them to act.

It's a hell days she said situation. There has to be written evidence of the terms of the loan. And that it wasn't a gift.

It costs money to go to court so the OP would be out of pocket for nothing!

As for demands fir instant repayment, if she's not had her January wages yet it's highly likely she will be skint like the rest of us as we have just been through Christmas and new year, gusting and drinking/dining. So again, why are you suggesting this?

A common sense approach is needed to a help her do what the OP needs.

Even though it shouldn't be, due to the friend being an inconsiderate and ungrateful Individual, and a lack of paperwork when setting up the loan, it is what it is.

She has a text message saying 'I can't afford to pay you back'. Anyone with a semblance of critical thinking would realise that's an admission that the money was loaned. The friend hasn't denied anything and actually, in the absence of any evidence, the legal presumption is that money between friends IS a loan rather than a gift - married couples and transfers from parents to children are the only relationships to be presumed gifts.

In any event, it doesn't cost much to make a claim, and there's a good chance the friend will 'settle' once the process starts, even with an agreement for installments. It's unlikely it'll ever go as far as a day in court!

This.
The threat of going to court should get her to pay up. If not start the process. It’ll teach her that stealing is wrong.

Kave is correct. Unfortunately, if you have nothing in writing you cannot prove that it wasn't a gift. She will just lie and say it was. Totally unfair but it is the truth. Sorry 😔

Agree with the last few pp. This idea of going to small claims court for £400 in these circumstances is pie in the sky and more hassle than it’s worth.

Realistically OP doesn’t even sound very assertive - baby steps maybe. Let’s hope she can just take this as a lesson and say no the next time or only “loan” smaller amounts if at all - and certainly never to “friends” who insult her body.

I loaned £150 to a friend once as a teen and told them I needed it to pay for my student flat at end of the next month. Her and her boyfriend (who both smoked heavily) assured me they’d have it - and they didn’t.
Can’t quite remember if they ever paid me back at all tbh but I remember being so shocked at how casual they were about it. I have a feeling they never did pay me back.

It was a good life lesson! I never loaned anyone money again, it was either a small gift of £100 or less with the option of them paying it back but didn’t count on it , or I’d just say no.

Majority of my friends are high earners and married though and it’s not the norm for anyone to ask for money anyway . It’s mainly just been relatives and childhood friends - most of whom I don’t really speak to anymore lol

You have evidence of the debt with the text, so go to the Court, she is cf friend, so cheeky, teach her a lesson. Save any texts relating to the debt

I lent a colleague £400 about 22 yrs ago, it was a single mum at the time, recently divorced. Money was tight, mortgage, bills, childcare, lent it on the Monday, told I'd get it back the following Monday. I didn't, but she kept mentioning new handbags etc, the weekend starts on a Wednesday, for her. I met a new man and after 2 months he realised she lived near him, so he went and knocked on her door and asked for it back. She handed it straight over. She never asked to borrow again off me.

lmao you came back just to be rude?? what even 😭

Two days, hundreds of posts trying to be helpful... and that's all you have to say??
🤨

I get your point, but maybe save that sass for your friend who is taking the utter piss out of you?

Lots of posters are saying take it to the 'small claims court', but has anyone on here actually done this successfully, having lent money to a friend or family, or is it just people making assumptions, as I've just looked at the link someone put in on page 1, and it all refers to claiming from a company?

It's a long and daunting process, for both sides. The majority of claims get resolved before they ever actually get to court. Once you submit, the defendant has to do a tonne of paperwork, sign a statement of truth etc, it's pretty intimidating and stressful. Ideally both sides would get some kind of legal advice but you don't have to, but the friend here is then faced with the prospect of defending the indefensible as she knows she owes the money. But if she went to a solicitor, she's throwing more money down the drain and may still be forced to repay the money to OP. And in the unlikely event she wins, she won't get her solicitor fees back for a claim like this. Most of the time an agreement is reached during mediation or they just cave because they can't be bothered with the paperwork of defending.

Never underestimate the prospect of small claims as a psychological tool to force issues to resolve when you're being stonewalled/taken the piss out of. That's not to say you just go around suing everyone, but it shows you mean business.

I'll say again, the legal presumption (as in the default) is that this money would be deemed a loan if there's no concrete evidence. The friend saying just saying 'it was a gift' with no evidence that it was means nothing. The burden of proof is on the friend to prove it was a gift, not on OP to prove it wasn't a gift.

Unfortunately I don't think you will ever get this money back. Your 'friend' seems to have a chip on her shoulder over how much money she thinks you have compared to her and will always feel hard done by. Just chalk it up to experience, you could waste the next number of years interacting with her and getting multiple empty promises about when you'll get some or all of it back