Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

[Foy19]

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

Unfortunately she isn’t your friend. She sounds nasty with her snide comments and very entitled expecting other people to pay so she can have nice things. The world doesn’t owe her anything and you are not a charity.

It’s up to you what you do next, but it should include cutting her out of your life. You will feel much lighter, why have you been friends for so long?

She's not a friend.
OP, She's used you.
Accept that you'll never see the money back and cut her out of your life.
And stick to it.
I got burned like this many years ago for nearly £1000 by an ex boyfriend.
It stung for a long time, but I learned from it.

This. She is not your friend.

This. Set out the situation, how you came to lend it to her, what the agreements was and that she has reneged on the agreement. Tell her you are unhappy with her latest response as its your money and whether you need it or not, is not her decision as she agreed to pay it back. Ask her what she will do. Tell her she has 48hrs to tell you.

The aim of this is to get her to acknowledge what has happened and therefore that she owed you the money...even if she tells you she isn't paying you back without disputing the background, it fulfils what you need.

Then follow on with what the above has advised.

Love the bit about the Dyson Airwrap.. think we are all addicted to that little tale!

I'm genuinely not sure why you thought she was your friend, OP.
Her behaviour screams cheeky fucker user.

Small claims is likely your only option here. She feel entitled to your money. You need to dissuade her of that idea.

I’d just turn up at her house and refuse to leave before she transfers the money or hands it over in cash.

She's an absolute leech. I would definitely threaten (and follow through with) small claims.

No you wouldn't but you think it would be fun if OP did.

Why do people suggest these silly things?

Small claims is best way to go as many PPs have said.

She's had you marked as a soft touch for 22 years. She's never been your friend. Is she like this with everyone or just you?

She’s not your friend, let’s be honest here. If you can afford to write off £400 (I appreciate there’s been more too), then maybe consider doing it rather than the stress of small claims/chasing etc. Your mental health will thank you for not having the stress and worry of having this hanging over you. Then, block her on everything and don’t ever bother reconciling.

I recently wrote off £1k that I’d lent to a family member for pretty much those reasons. Every time I asked for it back there were excuses and I was made to feel bad for asking for my money back. They’ve now been told firmly that I won’t lend them another penny, no matter the circumstances, and I’ve distanced myself for a while.

She never intended to give it back to you but I agree with PPs who say try one more amicable or lighthearted message as it's less likely she'll give you the money if you go straight on the offensive, not tang you shouldn't, but I want you to get your money back.

She clearly hasn't set it aside for you and was hoping she'd get away with it.

I imagine you weren’t the only person to lend them money if they’ve been spending on a new TV and a £200 hair appointment. They’ve likely used the sob story and with it being Christmas people will have taken pity on them.

They’ve probably got some new stuff and still don’t have a pot to piss in because CF like this will always be on their arse and spend irresponsibly. I have people like this in my family and they used to borrow and do exactly the same.

How awful of her! What a bloody cheek!!!

I agree with others that you may have to cut your losses, but also end the friendship.

I had a friend like this who would become very jealous and weird if I spent any money on treats for myself and would ask to borrow money to pay her rent. I declined and she ended the friendship - thank goodness. Who needs friends like that?

Wow what an awful person she is op. And what a kind person you are.

Ignore everyone blaming you op. You were being a good friend. It's not your fault that she doesn't understand the meaning of the word.

I would have told her straight that she doesn't get to dictate who needs the money more when she is the one who accepted it as a loan. Tell her you do need it more because it's not in your nature to go around deceiving friends!

I would pursue the money and threaten to go to the small claims court. You probably won't get it back sadly. You can pretend to be friends until it's obvious that she won't be paying you back.

She's not your friend, she's behaved appalling. I agree with everyone saying pursue this through small claims. Sorry you've been treated this way.

You could try to make a claim through small claims court or keep messaging her to see if she finds a glimmer of conscience. But I have a feeling that she will just ignore you as you probably suspect.

I'd move on. Awful as that may be to lose the money but delete her number and don't make any contact with her in the future. She clearly does not look on you as a friend. She is selfish and a bit wicked by the sounds of her. You deserve so much better OP!

You've been crazy. Why would you have any expectations of repayment given the history?

@Foy19 dont go saying any more to her. if you had any messages or sent any messages to or from her, print them out now before she deletes them!! all of them. even back at the beginning if she asked by text. then download the small claims form. fill it in and return to court with photocopies of the texts as proof. get the ball rolling. remember, any charges you incur while chasing the debt are also paid by her. please remember never to lend to family or friends ever!

I have a friend who lent 3k to a childhood friend who was going through a difficult time and needed the money to help fund her start up business. She could afford to give it, although it was still a large amount for her. Needless to say, nothing was paid back, and she never heard from her "friend" again.

I'd quite literally arrange a coffee at her house and walk out with her telly. She can have it when I have my money back. Fuck her.

Yep, no need to send recorded but get proof of posting from PO.
Also point out that a Court Order to repay could damage her credit rating. That may make her re-think, as she could be prevented from getting a phone contract etc.
There are examples of "letters before action" to copy if you search.

Once sent, don't discuss with her except by email. Problem with accepting repayment by instalments, is they often stop at a figure just below £100 left owing. They chance you won't go to court for that amount.

Then follow through with Court forms, hopefully she will ignore and you get awarded.

I don't know how so called friends can do this.

She has a far better friend than you do.

Ask her if she's recently acquired a Dyson Air Wrap?

Why are you being such a doormat, OP? She sounds awful.

Do you have messages in which she specifically discusses the loan? If so I'd message her back quite harshly and threatening small claims, as she can't then claim it was a gift.

She made an agreement and hasn't stuck to it so maybe it's time for court ordered installments?