Friend refusing to pay back money lent "I need the money more than you do"

[Foy19]

I have known her for 22 years. Best friends at school,, kept in touch and seen regularly over the years since. Since then she has had form for borrowing things and giving them back late and damaged, or not at all. Also for not paying her share at meals etc, simply expecting me to pay for her and even once a friend she brought with her to an evening out. Also has form for snide comments such as "wow haven't you got big" after not having seen each other for nearly a year, during which I'd put on weight.

Foolishly lent her £400 in September on the understanding that she would pay back by end December, even in instalments rather than the full amount at once. The money was supposed to be to help her look after her young DC while her DP was out of work and they were apparently struggling. Few weeks later they had brought a brand new TV and she had a haircut and colour which she said cost £200.

Gently reminded her this morning by text that she owes me what I lent her and got back: "I can't afford to pay you back. I need the money more than you do".

Clearly I've been stupid in lending her the cash in the first place, but how do I get it back?

Why on earth is it vicious to expect someone to pay you back what they owe you ? I would contact her and tell her that if she can afford to buy a new TV and get a £200 hairdo then I expect her to pay the money she owes me. If no response, a letter before action and then small claims court. Let her explain there why she can afford these things while defaulting on a debt. She’s not a friend, and however this works out I’d drop her like a hot brick.

You’ve taken what she said the wrong way….

A. She isnt your friend
B. You probably wont get it back.

Dont talk to her again. Lesson learned. Block her everywhere

Nailed it. I love a Letter Before Action. It really focusses people's minds. Then follow it through. I can't bear people who take advantage of kind people.

Create a text chain laying out when and why you loaned it and the repayment agreement. Get as much acknowledgement as you can. Then take her to small claims.

The OP doesn’t need to make up fake car problems to get her money back. It’s her money after all 🤷‍♀️

I'd not go straight to small claims. I'd probably go something like
"Actually I'm really strapped right now as have a couple of bills unexpectedly come in. Can you please give me as much as you can right now"
And see how she responds.
Your main priority is to get the money so I'd try that first before going down other routes

I'd not go straight to small claims. I'd probably go something like
"Actually I'm really strapped right now as have a couple of bills unexpectedly come in. Can you please give me as much as you can right now"
And see how she responds.
Your main priority is to get the money so I'd try that first before going down other routes

I don’t know how small claims courts work so I’d probably just write it off as experience and cut her off of my life permanently.

Have you spoken to her husband about any of this? Does he know? Maybe he thinks she came by the money some other way, i. e. honestly.

Also, is she on Facebook? If you’re really angry about how cavalierly she’s treated you, you could confront her on Facebook with a post laying the whole sordid affair out in black and white.

It likely won’t get your money back but will embarrass her in the public square — or make people mad at you.
It’s always a toss-up how people will react on Facebook.

The thing about court is even if you win, you still have to pry the money out of her somehow. You can’t get blood out of a turnip.

Or, finally, you could just tell her that that was the best £400 investment you ever made — it revealed the cheekiest fucker in the universe, and now you can spend the rest of your life knowing she has to live being her, a curse you wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Remind her by text every week. Ignore her needs, and boost your own needs.

Friend, please pay the installments of £400 loan as agreed. I have debt from Xmas I need to pay, please send what you owe. I am desperate.

If she can say something that outrageous to you, she’s never going to pay it back. And I don’t think you stand much of a chance getting it back through the Small Claims court. Any grasper with half a brain cell is just going to deny, deny, deny, and you’ve got no proof of a loan other than a single text message.

I think you’ve got three realistic options; 1) stay ‘friends’ with her. Tell her it’s fine and you’ve forgotten about it. Wait two years, borrow £450 from her and only pay her back £50. Obviously you’ll be able to see the issues with this one. 2) Embarrass her into paying it back. Approach her husband and her family and ask them to talk to her. Post messages like ‘when you try to help someone you thought was a friend and they steal your rent money and refuse to give it back 😢’ and respond to demands to name and shame with ‘I’ll pm you’. It might work, but it’s not particularly dignified. 3) Cut her dead and write it off (and then maybe pour paint stripper down the side of her car in 6 months time, if none of her neighbours have a ring doorbell 😉)

Another advocating small claims court. My friend was owed money, her ex partner was trying to wriggle put of paying or offering to pay half etc etc. As soon as small claims was mentioned the money was paid. Nobody wants that on their record so if I was you I'd just tell her that's what you are doing.

You’ve given her too many chances. I second you screenshotting or downloading the chat where she admits it was a loan then filing a claim with the small claims court.
She has no respect for you and I’d be seething!

Go to her home and demand the money or you will go to the police.

Who will do what? These CFs don't care, know their rights or believe they are entitled.MN has a couple of these stories at the moment. So the thinking is just don't loan anyone anything without taking a child of theirs hostage. Of course some on here will say it's only £400 or an electrical appliance and our children use £50 notes as napkins and give Dyson Airwraps/iPhones to the deserving poor but really just assume no one is your friend and anything you loan will be lost or sold, returned broken or remain unpaid. It will be open season on your WiFi password and you will be a CF for changing it

Who's to say you're not the only one she's done this to.

I had a friend who owed me a similar amount. The only thing that worked was showing up at her house. It brought it home to her that I was serious, for some reason she hasn’t expected that I would do that.

She borrowed the money. You agreed terms. I would screen shot her messages asking for the loan and then refusing to pay it back in case she deletes them.

I'd text her back

I lent you £400. You agreed to pay it back by the end of December. You are already late. It doesn't matter if you think you need the money more than I do. It's MY money. It would be a shame for our friendship to be ruined because you don't want to pay your debts

She's stupid anyway. What happens when/ if she needs help again. She's burning bridge's.

Get it in writing (text or WhatsApp) confirming that she isn't returning the money and some acknowledgement of the amount etc

Then small claims court

Then block and move on

@Foy19 tell her if she doesn’t pay you back you will take her to small claims court. Have you said to her ‘don’t think a new TV and £200 counts as looking after DC’? Cheeky mare.

No replies whatsoever from op🤷🏻‍♀️

She’s busy lending her friend some more money 😆

OMG, quick somebody run out and stop her 😜