My partner left my birthday

[NiftyRoseDreamer]

So it was my birthday yesterday. My partner and I live together an hour away from my family house. The plan was to go to my family house and go out to lunch, then at night time my partner and I were going to spend time together and stay over at the family house (he never agrees to stay over so i’ve been very excited about this). After lunch, I was in conversation with my family (some which he never met) and he went to call his parents. When he came back he said that he had to leave immediately due to a family emergency. He left very quickly without saying goodbye to my family and caught public transport even though i had a car and said that we’d leave together. When he got home he was messaging me saying that he felt left out and that my family were very rude for doing that. He also said that it wasn’t just because of the family emergency that he left. He didn’t write me a card, he sent me money a few weeks ago to buy my own gifts (he didn’t pick out any of them). I’m still grateful for the gifts but I told him that I appreciate the thought over the gift. He was really rude to me for the rest of the night over text trying to fight with me etc. I was crying the whole night of my birthday and felt very upset. Am i being unreasonable?

If you tolerate this, there will be plenty more shit to come.

He might physically be 24 but he’s less emotionally mature than my DS16.

A grown adult should be ok at an event that is mostly about their partner and they don’t know everyone. Someone who responds like this is childish and petty. Do yourself a favour and dump him. He tried his best to ruin your birthday.

Oh god hun, been there before. Cut and run. Life will never be easy or fun with him as your partner. Be good to yourself and drop this one like a hot 🥔

Op, are you there?

I know this has been very hard to read.

But so many women here who were you maybe decades ago are giving you clear, wise advice.

What you do next will determine the rest of your life.

You have to dump this pathetic piece of shit. I suspect he wants you isolated and away from your family in the long run. He’s a total joke.

I am reading all of these replies and I thank everyone for your advice. It is a very hard thing to hear. We’ve been together for 1.5 years and been through a lot together with a lot of great times. It’s very hard to let go of this relationship for me. I feel like everyone is saying similar things, and I feel like he may not be the person for me. I am very family orientated and I fear that there will be many of these incidences again in the future

Even if your family had been on obnoxious to him; there's no reason for him to have been so awful to you. To lie about why he was going. To not have you return with him. And for him to then start an argument. Get rid. He's horrible.

He says that one of my family members was throwing shade at him for being on his phone and that he felt he overstayed his welcome. Even now he won’t admit that leaving me like that was wrong. He is also saying that I was rude to him for ignoring him for half an hour. I was only talking to these family members that I hadn’t seen in years, we did include him in the conversation but he just acted like he didn’t care what we had to say and just stayed on his phone.

No, this is all him being a demanding twit.

Nah, this is not reasonable behaviour, even if a family member tried to rib him for being on the phone.
Does he begrudge the time you spend with family?

he is showing who he is and he wants to to prioritise him over family. I have been with someone like that. He will try to alienate your from your family, drive a wedge between. You have seen the first clear attempt today. On your birthday of all the days. It's not about you or you as a couple but about him. Cut your losses. Plenty more (better) fish in the sea.

He has acted very immaturely and he is the selfish one. I can imagine he’s the type of person who is very “sensitive” in an emotionally immature way and doesn’t take responsibility for his own feelings. I have no doubt he won’t take a break up with much grace and will try to make you feel bad or guilty, but it’s better to get out now than have any more of this behaviour

He’s a manchild and you have your whole life ahead of you. Dump this moron and don’t waste any more time with him.

You're only 22. There are better men out there. Don't get stuck with an immature one. Men like this are difficult to be married to.

A controlling man won't say outright 'I don't want you to spend time with your family' instead what they do is make you feel so bad about it that you stop seeing them so often to avoid the shitty treatment from controlling man.
It's only been one and a half years, too soon to move in, can you move out again.

He sounds immature and needy. You are young and deserve someone better. I would move on.

What was your family's reaction op?

Please don't waste any more time on this relationship OP, I ignored a lot of these red flags in my early twenties.

Now, I curse myself for wasting what should have been some of the best years of my young life on awful men who didn't deserve my love, or a second of my time.

Don't chose misery for yourself. Don't have another birthday like this.
He's shown you what lies ahead and it's so far from good enough.

Oh op
I'm so sorry your birthday was ruined!
Your partner being the one to ruin it is so sad.
Anyone that loves you doesn't behave like this idiot has.
He sounds controlling,immature and selfish.
You were talking with your family and enjoying their company and he didn't like it!
A person that loves you doesn't behave like this ,my dh would be happy because I was happy not storming off because I wasn't solely focused on him .
Get rid

I spent decades with a very similar man to this. I didn’t know what I was dealing with. But I do now.

If he is not the centre of attention, he will wreck it. Whatever it is . Birthdays , holidays , Christmas.

A particular highlight was my child being in hospital. You are young. Don’t waste your life on this man. He will ruin it.

Tell him the only one who was rude and selfish was him.

Please listen to us old duffers who have seen, dated and married men like this. Bin him and be young, free and single. Enjoy your birthdays, see the world, be a fabulous 20 something. All without the abusive, selfish, whiny, manbaby ❤️

.

Get rid! He's being very manipulative and controlling.

You deserve better than this tosser.

Yes me too.
As an adult I’d tolerate it for my other half so as not to ruin their birthday, but I’d talk about it afterwards. No way I’d just up and leave.

Sounds like he wasn’t enjoying all your attention not being on him and he had a strop, not a chance I’d put up with that from a guy.

a loving boyfriend wouldn’t spoil your birthday and wouldn’t argue with you on your birthday either, my dh goes to family occasions, he doesn’t particularly enjoys them but for me he will go. He would never have a strop about it either.