My partner left my birthday

[NiftyRoseDreamer]

So it was my birthday yesterday. My partner and I live together an hour away from my family house. The plan was to go to my family house and go out to lunch, then at night time my partner and I were going to spend time together and stay over at the family house (he never agrees to stay over so i’ve been very excited about this). After lunch, I was in conversation with my family (some which he never met) and he went to call his parents. When he came back he said that he had to leave immediately due to a family emergency. He left very quickly without saying goodbye to my family and caught public transport even though i had a car and said that we’d leave together. When he got home he was messaging me saying that he felt left out and that my family were very rude for doing that. He also said that it wasn’t just because of the family emergency that he left. He didn’t write me a card, he sent me money a few weeks ago to buy my own gifts (he didn’t pick out any of them). I’m still grateful for the gifts but I told him that I appreciate the thought over the gift. He was really rude to me for the rest of the night over text trying to fight with me etc. I was crying the whole night of my birthday and felt very upset. Am i being unreasonable?

At your age you have all the options in the world. Don't waste another moment of your life and youth on this horrible and hostile man who wants to be the centre of the universe at all times. Look nobody would really call him for an emergency since he seems totally ineffectual. You're young so in the nicest possible way, I urge you to raise your bar a lot more for the next boyfriend - being pleasant, unsulky and with at least some limited ability to coverse with your relatives on a family occasion would be a start.

This guy’s an arse and for the sake of your own future you should get rid of him.

You will be walking on eggshells around him, your life getting smaller and more unhappy.
The next thing will be complaining about how your family doesn’t like him.

You're 22 - please don't put up with this kind of inadequate man. There are tons of really decent young men around but sometimes you have to search through men like this to find them.

Has anything like this happened before? Abusers tend to purposely ruin special events for their partners - their birthdays, Christmas, etc.

Abusive, controlling and bordering on narcissistic I have had a relationship with a man just like this, they are a manchild and they will never change

The world has to revolve around them, hence him not making a fuss about your birthday because God forbid there should be a day about you

Run!

Get rid of him pronto. He wants you to put him at the centre of everything on your own birthday and he's trying to drive a wedge between you and your family. He sounds mentally about 15. I have serious ick just reading this.

Yeah, very true. The kind of guy who strops on Christmas Eve to cover up not buying any presents or get out of visiting their girlfriend or wife's family.

I always think there’s something wrong with men who spoil things like birthdays.

You should have ignored him after he started up.

If I were your parents I would be heartbroken that you were with a man like this and I would be desperately praying that you wouldn't get pregnant with him.

Don't waste any more of your life on this pathetic excuse for a man and his childish behaviour, who obviously thinks very little of you, you can do a whole lot better than that .

He's telling you what to expect in future. He will alienate you from your family. He will rain on any joy that is yours and not his. He will manipulate you with his mood swings. You'll never know how to please him (or simply not anger him) because you'll be happily going about your life doing nothing wrong, and he'll suddenly blow up like this.
Get out now. This will only worsen.

I'm so sorry, but do you want this to be your future life? No gifts, spoiling occasions, making it hard for to to enjoy time with your family and then turning it on you. I know it's sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees, but please be brave and put your happiness first x

Can only echo the others.

Walk away from this one. He can't stand to see you get attention, be happy or enjoy good relationships with your family. He resents every minute you're not focused on him. That's what his performance and subsequent behaviour is all about.
Trust us.

My ex used to do things like this. He would also call me at work just to start an argument with me. If I didn't pick up he'd call until I did, then he would just shout at me down the phone.

After we split he used to call every Christmas just to start an argument, trying to ruin Christmas for me.

Selfish man baby. Even if he thinks the world revolves around him, even if he lacks social skills and empathy skills - this was YOUR BIRTHDAY. There were enough clues to how he should behave. What do you now feel about the relationship OP?

What you're experiencing is emotional abuse. This in turn soon becomes control as you strive to please him the next time you spend time with your family.

Look it up, do some reading, equip and arm yourself against this type of manipulation.
Your 23 year old self and beyond, will thank you.

He sounds like one of those guys who ruin all family/important occasions unless he's the centre of it.
Life's too short, dump him.

He's an utter cunt.

Lucky old you!

He obviously didn’t want to stay at your family home so picked a fight to make you in the wrong.
Dump him now and save yourself years of heartbreak with this one.

Hmm. I'm afraid I agree with this.

Op - you are young and there are plenty more fish in the sea. Go find someone lovely.

He didn't like you getting all the attention. Whether or not you want to assign a Narcissist label on him is beside the point, he is showing you who he is.

He's not a keeper, I'd be planning to leave.

What you have here is one of those men who will make every single special event absolute hell.

Future birthdays, celebrations, anniversaries, and if you have kids, their birthday parties, graduations ...

Because they were not all about him.

And his failure to consider your Christmas gift was another symptom - it was about you, so therefore not worth bothering.

Read this article before you get in any further. You've only been with him a matter of 24 months or so. It's nothing. It will get worse.

Run, love.

https://unmaskingthenarc.com/narcissists-ruin-special-occasions/

Get rid of this loser!!

I suspect he wants to be centre of attention and couldn’t stand you being with all the people who love you. It’s not looking great for a future relationship - if you commit further to this man, I guarantee he will try and isolate you from your family.

He'll cut you off from your family and become more and more abusive. Jealousy over family and friends is a huge red flag. Leave the giant manchild.