My partner left my birthday

[NiftyRoseDreamer]

So it was my birthday yesterday. My partner and I live together an hour away from my family house. The plan was to go to my family house and go out to lunch, then at night time my partner and I were going to spend time together and stay over at the family house (he never agrees to stay over so i’ve been very excited about this). After lunch, I was in conversation with my family (some which he never met) and he went to call his parents. When he came back he said that he had to leave immediately due to a family emergency. He left very quickly without saying goodbye to my family and caught public transport even though i had a car and said that we’d leave together. When he got home he was messaging me saying that he felt left out and that my family were very rude for doing that. He also said that it wasn’t just because of the family emergency that he left. He didn’t write me a card, he sent me money a few weeks ago to buy my own gifts (he didn’t pick out any of them). I’m still grateful for the gifts but I told him that I appreciate the thought over the gift. He was really rude to me for the rest of the night over text trying to fight with me etc. I was crying the whole night of my birthday and felt very upset. Am i being unreasonable?

What an asshole. Do you not believe you can do better? Do you have very low expectations of men in general or do you think this sulky jerk is the best you can do?

He’s an abusive prick who tried to ruin your birthday by throwing a tantrum and then behaving like a spoiled child over text message and also coming even ge bothered to out thought into presents for you
please dump this idiot , you are young .. there is better out there for you

This is a horrible red warning flag. I am very suspicious of him being on the phone for half an hour on your birthday. What family emergency requires him to be half an hour on the phone? And if it was such an emergency then he wouldn't have been preoccupied by texting you all night to complain about being an immature prick left out. He is either a controlling manipulator and can't stand the thought of you enjoying yourself, getting attention or giving others attention - or - he was talking to someone else and used the opportunity, knowing you were both sleeping at your family's to start an argument so he could get away and be somewhere else that night. Don't react to his accusations or get in lengthy messages trying to explain or making him feel no one was being rude. Just cut him off and say 'you've acted like a prick. Fuck off'. He doesn't deserve the attention and I'm sure your family will breathe a sigh of relief if he disappears too. They aren't silly I'm sure.

This is giving me narcissist vibes. Red flags all over this post.

You're better off ending the relationship now before it gets serious. Don't waste more of your life with this angry, controlling, manipulative, jealous, selfish manchild.

Thats when he walked away. He also got angry that I didn’t follow after him to see why he walked away and check if he was ok. This is where he made his decision to leave.

What he did was set a little test for you ON YOUR BIRTHDAY to make sure you would centre his feelings above your own and your family's. Again, ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

When you failed his little test that he didn't tell you about ON YOUR BIRTHDAY he lost his shit and was horrible to you. This is to make sure you always put his feelings first because you're scared not to. Including ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

Drop him like he's hot.

He sounds absolutely horrible, totally inflexible and uncaring of your feelings. You’re so young, far too young to get tied down to a man, who thinks your birthday with your family should revolve around him. I would dump him for ruining your day.

You said that had he communicated to you that he felt left out you’d have left with him. That indicates to me that you're far too accommodating and people pleasing. It’s entirely normal to expect to put your partner’s needs first on their birthday of all days.

Controlling and abusive behaviour

He’s a narcissist

He spoiled your birthday. Don't even tell him why you're dumping him. Just block.

You are far to young to deal with this behaviour, it's a huge red flag to me, he is trying to sever your tie to your family, he has the perfect out every time you want to go there now.

Run

He sounds like an immature little narcissist upset he's not the centre of attention on your birthday. Imagine flouncing off, telling someone you don't need a ride they offer, and still being
Upset they didn't chase after you. Dump him immediately.

Reminds me of a quote Katharine Hepburn attributed to her dad, something like "My children aren't happy unless they're a bride at a wedding or a corpse at a funeral."

He has behaved very badly. Sorry

OP - don't waste anymore time on this man. He is already checking out - can't be bothered to pick you out a birthday gift or write you a card. Embarrassed you, by lying and walking out of your birthday dinner that your family had paid for. Then picking fights with all night.

You are so young, spend your youth on fun and men who adore you

He sounds a big baby. Think very carefully if you really want a future with him. If you have kids will your parents ever see them if he acts like this now?

Yep, another sucker here who's been through this more than once (including my own parent's funeral). He's a cunt. Don't waste any mental or emotional energy on wondering if he has a point, or what to do about his purported sad feelings. Don't be like me! I deserved much better, and so do you.

Yes. This exactly. Look for the pattern. After a while you go to fewer social events to avoid the drama. Don’t fall for it. This is someone to get away from.

did you pre warn him there would be people there he didn’t know? did you introduce him to your family members he hadn’t meet and involve him in your conversations. sometimes people don’t realise they are being rude which may be the case here. if he was uncomfortable he had every right to leave. he shouldn’t have the argued with you all evening.

You are 22 years old, no kids I’m assuming. You have no reason to stay with this miserable turd. If you do, you condemn yourself to years of this, and worse.

He ruined your birthday because it wasn't all about him. Outrageously selfish behaviour. Then he proceeded to fight with you about it which is quite chilling really. He really needs to be dumped.

Absolutely this

OP please walk away from this controlling relationship

Unless your family were rude to him he's one of those... can't STAND not being the centre of attention. Seriously, you say partner, I think you should leave him.

This reminds me of an ex of mine, and is an ex for a damn good reason.

Lots of posters are saying it does not get better. It's true. You'll be much happier long-term without this kind of man dragging you down at every turn.

You are dealing with a man who can't stand the feeling that you are getting more attention than he is.

If you ever have a baby with him, he will become resentful and violent.

My advice to you is to end the relationship. You've seen the real person and I don't think you like what you've seen.

100% narcissist vibes, yes.

What sort of family 'emergency' involves leaving an event on public transport just to go home?

He sounds like a drama llama who just wants to make it all about him. I'm shy and at DH's big family events I just suck it up and try to have a good time. If I'm over it, I just say I'm tired and leave at an appropriate time. I definitely don't spoil it for DH if he's having a good time.