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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being entitled?

199 replies

Realtalking · 03/01/2025 12:25

Interested to know thoughts on this…

We have two young children. One 3 yo and 6 month old baby. We have both sets of GP’s close by but support is sporadic. They love their GC and come round and spend time with them but what I really need is for them to take the 3 yo out to 1) give me a break and 2) let them run off energy, explore new things that is hindered with a young baby. I take them out often, playgroups, park and walks but I can’t commit to long periods of time with the baby who struggles with reflux and I can see my 3 yo needs more time out the house.

Should I be expecting more from GP’s or do I sound entitled? Friends say I should ask the GP’s to do take out the 3yo or have them overnight. They’ve never had the 3yo overnight. They’re not elderly and work minimal hours. They’ve got the car seats sorted so I presumed they’d done that for day trips but nothing. DH works long hours so often it is me with both kids, including dinner, bath bedtime alone. I’ve mentioned this to my mum and help is offered but often a play date at her house (never outside) and I have to drop her (lives 5 mins walk) which is a big task with two kids and I just feel like it’s a huge favour to ask.

AIBU to expect more from GP’s? Or should I suck it up?

OP posts:

littlemissprosseco · 03/01/2025 12:28

Looks like you’re all tread ing carefully and no one wants to overstep!
Just explain you’re struggling, and could they help for and about or two? Tell them what would help, ask politely, but if you don’t ask you won’t get!

HackGrey · 03/01/2025 12:29

Have you actually asked them?

I don't think it should be expected, no. But there's nothing wrong with asking if they would do it as a favour to you.

Mischance · 03/01/2025 12:31

Be explicit - ask for what you need - tell them what would help you. They will either say yes or no.
So often people on Mumsnet complain that GPs want too much! They can't win! Communication is the key.

DarkAndTwisties · 03/01/2025 12:31

I’ve mentioned this to my mum and help is offered but often a play date at her house (never outside)

I think if you want support (which is fine) you have to accept you can't really control what is offered. If she doesn't want to stand around a freezing cold park, that's pretty understandable. Plus it might be that as we go into spring/summer and he gets a bit older, she'll be happier taking him out.

Overthebow · 03/01/2025 12:32

Sorry I do think YABU. More help would be nice but you can’t expect it, and your DCs have grandparents that care about them and come to spend time with them, and your mum has offered play dates at her house when you asked for help. I have a similar age gap and no grandparents nearby so we get no help at all. I don’t see the issue of days out or dropping one child off with a baby, DS just came everywhere with us right from when he was born.

Ooral · 03/01/2025 12:32

Yes, I am sure that the GP are desperate to be your unpaid babysitters, what are they thinking about?

DaisyChain505 · 03/01/2025 12:34

Just be direct.

“how confident would you feel having DC for a full afternoon/sleepover. I could really do with the help.”

Maddy70 · 03/01/2025 12:36

Ask them if they could take 3 ye old out to burn off some energy

Dishwashersaurous · 03/01/2025 12:37

There's a massive variation in what is normal and expected.

Some grandparents won't do any childcare at all.

Some do overnights every week.

Partly depends on proximity and age.

RhiWrites · 03/01/2025 12:38

It’s very cold right now so a play date at your mum’s house sounds fine. Could you ask her to pick up the three year old if walking five minutes is such a struggle? This does sound as though you are offered help but it’s not good enough because it’s not outside or overnight.

MargaretThursday · 03/01/2025 12:39

I’ve mentioned this to my mum and help is offered but often a play date at her house (never outside) and I have to drop her (lives 5 mins walk) which is a big task with two kids and I just feel like it’s a huge favour to ask.

That is what makes you sound entitled.
She's offered a playdate at her house. What's the problem with that?
She's asked you to drop off - you see that as a big ask, but walking with a 3yo, when you're not used it is also a big ask, especially when she's doing you a favour.

I never have enjoyed doing the park. Luckily dh loved it, so that tended to be what he did more than me. I can't see me loving it with grandchildren any more than I did with my own.
Playdate at her house, sounds lovely. Cooking with granny. Craft with granny. Snuggling up on the sofa and just being with granny. I don't recall my granny taking us out much, except on normal shopping trips but the normal things are fun with someone else.

Yes it's fine to ask: "Would you like to take 3yo to X? I'll pay for the tickets." or "How would you feel about having 3yo overnight? I think she'd love it."
But if the answer is that they're not comfortable with it, then you stick with what they're happy to do - which seems to be having them in her house, which sounds great to me.

BarbaraHoward · 03/01/2025 12:40

YWNBU to ask nicely, but YWBU to expect it.

I think if they're taking the 3yo off your hands for a bit then that's fair enough and you don't really get to put expectations on them for that.

ZekeZeke · 03/01/2025 12:42

How is a 5 minute walk with 2 kids a huge task?

Ponoka7 · 03/01/2025 12:44

As said, you need to ask. A change of scenery/different toys, in GP's house, is as good as being taken out. This time of year, I'd (as my DDs childcare during the toddler phase) go to soft play, museums and around garden centers etc. When does nursery click in? This coming summer will be very different and easier for you, so hang on in there.

Dishwashersaurous · 03/01/2025 12:45

And where is your partner in all of this?

The primary responsibility for giving you a rest is with him. He should be taking the children out at the weekends and giving you a rest

meganorks · 03/01/2025 12:45

I think you should just ask them. Maybe find a specific event and see if they would be happy to take them. And if that goes well ask if they'd be willing to take him to a weekly class or something? If you could set it up as weekly class, park and lunch that would give you a good few hours. They might say no, and I don't think you can be upset at that. But if you don't ask, you'll never know. Maybe they are wary of asking for just the toddler but not sure they can handle both?

Zanatdy · 03/01/2025 12:48

You need to ask for help, tell them what you told us here. Hopefully they will be willing to help

EmmaMaria · 03/01/2025 12:49

You can expect anything you like, but you don't have a right to that expectation coming true. You have been offered some support, but you want the sort of support that you want. Be grateful about what is offered. And stop making out like "not elderly" or "working minmal hours" means that they should be at your beck and call for childcare.

Shrinkingrose · 03/01/2025 12:50

I’m afraid I feel entitled, and believe if you have kids you are responsible and if help is offered it’s lovely but you aren’t entitled to it, no.

HettyMeg · 03/01/2025 12:54

I don't think you're asking for too much, if they're physically able to do it. But unfortunately I've learned the hard way that some people, even if they have been loving parents, don't want to be very hands-on as grandparents. There is a chance here that they just don't want to overstep so if you haven't asked them outright, you could try politely asking them for what you've outlined here. "Mum/Dad, baby is struggling and toddler is climbing the walls, would you mind taking them out for a couple of hours now and then, please? I'd so appreciate it." If you ask for help and they say no, there's not much you can do about it but it will tell you a lot about the sort of grandparents they want to be and you can then adjust your expectations. I had to beg my mum to take my baby for a walk in the pram when she was months old so I could do a call with work about going back - she did it reluctantly but I learned so much from her reluctance. She has babysat now and then but never taken her for a day out of the house or even an hour out. We've adjusted our expectations

snoopyfanaccountant · 03/01/2025 12:57

FIL retired just before DD2 was born and he decided that he was going to collect DD21 who was then 3 from preschool one day a week and have the afternoon with her (MIL was still working). He did that until she started school and they had so much fun together. They went to the park, they went to the library, they gardened and baked, and they played. They had such a lovely bond and she still remembers those afternoons and talks fondly of them at 24.
I'm not suggesting that you ask GP to commit to anything like that but even asking for the occasional afternoon would be good for everyone.

Marleigh0 · 03/01/2025 12:57

You're being offered support, you can't dictate that it's outside the house. You are being entitled to "expect" things yes, however you're not being entitled if you say "hey Mum would it be possible to have the 3 yo for a couple of hours please".

HettyMeg · 03/01/2025 12:58

Just to add that I've posted about this topic before and been told I was asking for too much - there is a trend on Mumsnet of people thinking you're being entitled to want more help... You're allowed to be frustrated by this.

poemsandwine · 03/01/2025 12:58

You can ask but not expect it. And dictating that a play date at your mother's house is not enough is entitled.

Original poster

Realtalking · 03/01/2025 13:02

poemsandwine · 03/01/2025 12:58

You can ask but not expect it. And dictating that a play date at your mother's house is not enough is entitled.

Thank you, i didn’t mean that to sound entitled because that would be so helpful right now. It happened once just as the baby was born so nearly six months now. I haven’t asked since even though they had a nice time.

maybe I’m expecting too much for help to be offered.

OP posts:

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