Am I being entitled?

[Realtalking]

Interested to know thoughts on this…

We have two young children. One 3 yo and 6 month old baby. We have both sets of GP’s close by but support is sporadic. They love their GC and come round and spend time with them but what I really need is for them to take the 3 yo out to 1) give me a break and 2) let them run off energy, explore new things that is hindered with a young baby. I take them out often, playgroups, park and walks but I can’t commit to long periods of time with the baby who struggles with reflux and I can see my 3 yo needs more time out the house.

Should I be expecting more from GP’s or do I sound entitled? Friends say I should ask the GP’s to do take out the 3yo or have them overnight. They’ve never had the 3yo overnight. They’re not elderly and work minimal hours. They’ve got the car seats sorted so I presumed they’d done that for day trips but nothing. DH works long hours so often it is me with both kids, including dinner, bath bedtime alone. I’ve mentioned this to my mum and help is offered but often a play date at her house (never outside) and I have to drop her (lives 5 mins walk) which is a big task with two kids and I just feel like it’s a huge favour to ask.

AIBU to expect more from GP’s? Or should I suck it up?

They are your parents and most likely love you and want to help you as well as to see the GC.
Try explaining that the 3 year old needs to be playing outside to work off her energy, which is wearing you out when you're at home with the baby to look after as well. Ask them as a favour if they would be able to do some specific thing that she always enjoys, eg going to the park and kicking or throwing a ball around, or running round the playground while they time her, or whatever. If they agree, be sincerely grateful when they come back.
They may refuse to do this for some reason, eg they get sore feet being out in the cold, but so long as you immediately accept their reasons and move on, you are unlikely to be worse off for asking.

"how would you feel about taking DC out to the park? I know he'd love a runaround and I'm feeling guilty. No worries if you don't want to."

... it's not 'entitled' to want help and ask for it, only to expect the right sort of help at the right time as your God given right. And I don't think you are doing that.

I was about to say this.

I had a reflux puker (to the point we had 40 muslins on rotation she vommed that much).

The wrap kind weren't as good as my forward facing BabyBjorn (with muslin tuck in to catch the inevitable).

Dd stayed upright whilst we walked all over - parks, beaches, sandpits, woods etc - and the bonus was everyone slept brilliantly because of all the fresh air and exercise.

I also used to stick her in it whilst I did house bits.

The grandparents raised their own kids, its not their job to now raise yours too. Your children where your choice.

A lot of us had these same things, its nothing unusual. In fact I had it during lockdown as a high risk person... talk about going cabin crazy, literally couldn't go out.

You talk about it as if they are the other parents expected to pick up the slack when your tired but they are not. They do not have to do anything and what they do do is nice and on their terms not yours (you can say 'no' but you cannot dictate they do something else).

I don't mean a rota in the sense of having a clipboard or signing a contract! Just a "I'll do Monday afternoons" or whatever, so the OP knows when she can get a break.

Slings are a godsend, @Realtalking ! If you can find a local sling library, all the better - it can be very helpful to try a couple of styles to find what is comfortable for you and your baby.

I loved my ring sling from the first few months until she was walking. How I wore it changed as she grew.

Other friends liked wraps, and still others liked the more structured types.
NB - Baby Bjorn might be well known but are frigging useless if you have a cleavage, in my experience. Only the dads ever said anything positive about them.

It’s not entitled to ask for help. It is entitled to expect help, and also to dictate what they do/where they go. MIL was a godsend when mine were little but it often came with things I didn’t approve of like jam sandwiches in front of the tv 😅 pick your battles.

I still wouldn't be up for that!

I work full time - the OP still hasn't indicated what hours her parents do either.

I don't want a regular commitment to be somewhere on a set day or to have grandkids on definite days - I'd definitely help out if I was asked, but not to do a specific thing - by which I mean I'd definitely say yes to minding the 3 year old if it was a day that suited me, but I wouldn't guarantee to take them out in the cold to the park for eg - it might be an afternoon baking with me, or an afternoon of grocery shopping and taking dry cleaning to the cleaners and helping me put it away after.

No way would I want to be told what I was doing with the grandkids, and I'd be giving that idea short shrift if it was suggested.

I think the tone is a bit entitled, sorry - it reads like your mum is somehow partially responsible for you having decided to have kids, whereas your partner who actually is responsible has no responsibility whatsoever. Women shouldn’t be obligated to step in because others have chosen to have children with men who aren’t actually available to raise them, it’s really sexist.

You can ask her of course but it sounds like she’s telling you what she’s prepared to do and if so then that has to be accepted. But honestly the children’s father should be told to step up first.

I’m sure it would be lovely if they did more but I think it is unreasonable to expect them to help out. They are grandparents who are still working…

I think it also depends on whether they are the type of people to offer if they wanted to help or are they people who’d wait to be asked?

Personally I would be pissed off if one my my kids asked me this. I managed to raise six form birth.
OP did say they weren't elderly. Rephase of that question might be a lot better.

Just ask. But if you get the feeling they're not keen don't push it. Three year olds are quite hard work.

Just ask they can say no - being offended if they say no is entitled

ask if they can pick up 3 year old and take to stay and play for you, research stay and play and ask if they could take, ask the inlays to take 3 year old to another stay and play during the week on a morning

Or ask the inlays and your parents to take the baby for a walk or have them in the afternoon at your place - so you can take 3 year old to something, the park etc

May be if he is still a babyish 3, she does not want going out with all the tantrums and screaming and saying No to everything?

I certainly wouldn't expect help from the grandparents. I guess they don't want to run round after a 3 year old in the cold either like you don't want to as you could bundle baby up in the pushchair and take the toddler.
What about soft play? They are usually good for taking the baby and sending your toddler off to play and burn off some energy?
Also what about your partner? I see they work in hospitality but can you work around their shifts at all (assuming these might vary so maybe they could take the toddler out for a bit before working a later shift).
Sounds like you already have nursery for the 3 year old, can you pay extra for them to go full time or is it a school nursery? I know I sent mine all year round to give myself a break when needed!

I think with GP, you get what you get ( unless you ask) and of course they are entitled to decline. A 3 year old is a lot and maybe they just don't think they can manage long periods outside. My children are much older now but we were given the message from GP they were very much our children and they were not unpaid babysitters

You need to gear your activities to fit the older one & deal with the reflux when you are there. Playgym, swimming, balance bike, scooter to the park. At 2.5 my DD had 2 younger brothers but all our activities flowed from her needs & then everyone was happy. She used to go to pre school with DH on her scooter & on a train two mornings a week, is there anything more structured going on for your DS?

Unfair comment
I think OP has every right to expect some real support from GPs, time away from the exhausting toddler and baby routines.
I just don't get it

Can you put baby in a sling so s/he is upright and then you can get 3yo out and about?

I'd ask both sets of gp directly - the second baby feeding bit is hard and it's not forever - I agree that some gp can't or don't want to (neither set of ourd could help) but I don't see any harm in asking for what would help.

Take care OP, you are allowed to feel as you do

You have to ask but I can't blame your mum for wanting a playdate at home.
I'm not enjoying taking my 4 year old out at the moment (but I have to as he's my son) so I understand why she'd want to stay home. As it gets a bit warmer GPs might want to spend more time outside.
But you do need to ask. They might be happy to.

OP if the source of the help you are seeking can have your 3 yr old but in the home rather than out at a park, then take it. Yes, it might be better if they were running round outside but it's wet, cold, icy and who the fuck aged 50+ wants to risk a fall chasing after a toddler in these conditions. Just the change of scene will be enough for your 3 yr old. Save the more energetic outdoors time for another day. Unclench a little.

I'd also not knock play dates at hers - even talking to someone that's not you and doing a different activity is more stimulating than being at home even if it's not the ideal help.

It's really hard to get anyone to take your kid out in the winter - I've got a dog, I don't want to take him out in this weather either!