Am I being entitled?

[Realtalking]

Interested to know thoughts on this…

We have two young children. One 3 yo and 6 month old baby. We have both sets of GP’s close by but support is sporadic. They love their GC and come round and spend time with them but what I really need is for them to take the 3 yo out to 1) give me a break and 2) let them run off energy, explore new things that is hindered with a young baby. I take them out often, playgroups, park and walks but I can’t commit to long periods of time with the baby who struggles with reflux and I can see my 3 yo needs more time out the house.

Should I be expecting more from GP’s or do I sound entitled? Friends say I should ask the GP’s to do take out the 3yo or have them overnight. They’ve never had the 3yo overnight. They’re not elderly and work minimal hours. They’ve got the car seats sorted so I presumed they’d done that for day trips but nothing. DH works long hours so often it is me with both kids, including dinner, bath bedtime alone. I’ve mentioned this to my mum and help is offered but often a play date at her house (never outside) and I have to drop her (lives 5 mins walk) which is a big task with two kids and I just feel like it’s a huge favour to ask.

AIBU to expect more from GP’s? Or should I suck it up?

It's not GP job to take your child out to let off energy. Surely, that's a parent's job! I'm afraid that's quite sad that you feel that way. Children grow up so fast.

It's not entitled to ask for help, and the majority of mn has not said that.

It can be entitled to expect help.

It is entitled to say I want you to take my child, you have to pick them up and take them to do things outside.

Thank you, appreciate this comment x

Yes you would be unreasonable to expect GPs to do more. You could ask them if they can do this occasionally but they are your children and you can't expect other people to look after your children for you unless they want to. Some GPs are more involved than others. I have a 3 year old and my parents and relatively young and live nearby but they have never had our child overnight and we keep to a minimum how often we ask them to help out.

You can certainly ask but they're your kids

Find it very odd how some parents seem to think grandparents have some duty to involve themselves - even if they're 70+

You’ve totally misread what I meant, I love spending time with my 3yo and I am fully aware that they grow so fast. Some days are difficult and I feel for them being stuck in the house. The baby takes a lot of my time at the moment as very sick after every feed so have to burp, keep upright etc for a good hour which means the three year old is bored. I just feel guilty that’s all.

OP, a lot of grandparents may not offer for fear of overstepping. Just ask but don't dictate what they do.

Oh dear.

OP, no ypu shouldn't 'expect' any help but its absolutely fine to say if you're struggling and ask for it.

My children are adults now and I didn't have any help from grandparents for a few reasons so I knpw how hard it is.

Unfortunately, you never knpw what people's personap experiences ae when they respond to posts like this and a lot of people feel very bitter about a lack of support and seem to resent that other people receive any at all!

I completely understand what you are saying about your 3 year old needing more time outside. You won't know if that's something your mum would he willing to do or not until you ask.

Between us, my partner and I have 4 adult children and no grandchildren yet but you never know!

I would have no problem at all in being asked. I wouldn't want to make a regular commitment or feel that I was factored into plans unilaterally but it's a cold person who would refuse a request of help from their child (of any age) if they were struggling.

This sounds so lovely! And maybe it is something I’ll suggest. My 3yo would love it. She’s very social and loves spending time with the family.

I'm sorry but do people not think of this before they have a second child? We have a 3 year old and I know having a second would be a lot a we haven't done that. People have children close together for one reason or another and that's fine but then complain it's too hard.

Thanks so much for your perspective on this. Some days are harder than others with the baby, and I just feel so guilty for my 3yo.

Some days are difficult and I feel for them being stuck in the house. The baby takes a lot of my time at the moment as very sick after every feed so have to burp, keep upright etc for a good hour which means the three year old is bored. I just feel guilty that’s all.

It seems to be entitlement/blame I'm getting from your OP. You feel they should be doing more to make your life easier.

If you are feeling guilty your child is bored, then wrap the baby up and take them out for a good walk to the playground every afternoon-your toddler can play and the baby might sleep.

If your parents wanted to be in a cold playground with your kids, I'm guessing they would offer.

You could ask them, but what do you think the outcome would be? Would they feel they have to say yes, even if they don't want to?

You’re describing a 5 minute walk with 2 kids as a big task (your words).

But you think it’s reasonable to expect your mum to run round a freezing cold park after your 3 year old for the afternoon.

Get a grip, walk them round to your mums and let your 3 year old enjoy the couple of hours play date there that’s been offered.

Okay. Fair enough. It's difficult for child to get out at this time of year. Maybe it's too cold for GPs. Could they take DC to soft play?

They come round and spend time with the children, they have car seats at the ready, they are probably waiting for you to ask. I love taking mine. They will probably bite your hand off.

The problem is entirely 'my dh works long hours'
There are two parents. Atm you have jumped to a grandparent to help before the actual parent!

Why does he work long hours? Did he always or have his hours magically increased since children arrived? Does he work weekends? If not, he can take the 3 yr old out.

Are DGPs making more work for you when they visit?

Tell them what you need.

Answers like this , actually looking for a reason to blame a parent for working make me feel sad for the person posting. The hatred and mistrust of men is palpable. To the extent even working is a crime.

Is your 3yr old particularly unhappy with your Mum or do you feel guilty that there not getting what you want to give them?
If there happy I would leave them to it. From your mums POV it is quite cold out there to be running around after a toddler.
I don't think it's entitled to want more help but also you can't expect it to be on your terms. Help is help.

5 minute walk with two kids is a big task?! Yes - you are entitled. Sorry YaBVU.

When my boys were young, i asked both grandmothers all the time to take them. My mum took first DS for the night when he was only a few weeks old.

I never waited for them to offer, i'd ask them always and book in for months in advance!

Dont ask, dont get!!

From a grandmother's point of view having grandchildren for a full day or overnight is full on and hard work. A couple of hours of quality time is a better solution for everyone and I would go with this.

Have you tried a sling? Godsend for that, and your hands free for the older one. Mine always napped really well in the sling out on walks and trips to the park.

What a strange response @Shrinkingrose !
I can't even begin to imagine the root of that.

Working hours are 40 hours per week. There's 168 hours in a week.

You think most folks work 40 hours a week and do not understand many people’s jobs are not 9-5, that it’s expected to work to get the job done and we have commutes, and that people have shifts etc?