Am I being entitled?

[Realtalking]

Interested to know thoughts on this…

We have two young children. One 3 yo and 6 month old baby. We have both sets of GP’s close by but support is sporadic. They love their GC and come round and spend time with them but what I really need is for them to take the 3 yo out to 1) give me a break and 2) let them run off energy, explore new things that is hindered with a young baby. I take them out often, playgroups, park and walks but I can’t commit to long periods of time with the baby who struggles with reflux and I can see my 3 yo needs more time out the house.

Should I be expecting more from GP’s or do I sound entitled? Friends say I should ask the GP’s to do take out the 3yo or have them overnight. They’ve never had the 3yo overnight. They’re not elderly and work minimal hours. They’ve got the car seats sorted so I presumed they’d done that for day trips but nothing. DH works long hours so often it is me with both kids, including dinner, bath bedtime alone. I’ve mentioned this to my mum and help is offered but often a play date at her house (never outside) and I have to drop her (lives 5 mins walk) which is a big task with two kids and I just feel like it’s a huge favour to ask.

AIBU to expect more from GP’s? Or should I suck it up?

You can ask but you can't expect, if you haven't asked for the past 3 years then probably they think you don't want. Asking for a regular commitment however is a very different thing and a lot to ask of any grandparent.

My parents and DHs are both very hands on and present, I made it clear they were always welcome to look alter or spend time with their grand daughters and they always have, at their convenience not mine. Unless something happened that created an emergency ( or going to hospital to have nect one etc) And that's how it should be in my opinion. Grandparents shouldn't be used in my opinion as parents little unpaid helpers.

Yes because of course that's all it is, unpaid babysitting. Who cares about building a relationship with the grandchildren or helping out your child when they need it? Every man for himself, that's what I say. 🙄

My parents are very hands on with my daughter but I have to ask for what I need. I don’t think you can expect GPs
to know what you need and offer it. For example ‘I’ve a busy work day Friday can you pick her up
so I can get stuff done as nursery is closed.’
’Sure we’ll pick her up at 11 and drop her off about 3.’
’any chance you can get her at 9.30 and have her til 4 or 5 as I really need to do a full day of work.’
etc, people aren’t mind readers.x

Maybe the GP would find it easier to care for the baby then you could take the 3 year old out.

I think it's fine to ask.

Maybe the GP had no help so don't think to offer /don't want to over step?

It's fine to ask, but I don't think you can specify that it should be outdoors!

Can your DH take the 3 yo out on the weekend/whenever his day off is? I don't think there is anything wrong with asking GP's for help necessarily, but primary responsibility for giving you a break lies with your DH, not his parents or yours.

You need to get the hang of strapping the baby to you and heading out. Reflux isn’t a prison sentence.

It feels intimidating. Unfortunately it’s easy to end up with a constrained routine unless you challenge yourself. I had a similar issue with my third baby and DP worked away 4 days a week.

Baby in a sling, plenty of wipes and muslins in your pockets and go to the playground for your 3yo to run off her energy for half an hour. Ball game, racing challenges, “how many hops from swings to slide” and all that kind of stuff you can do standing or sitting with the baby.

“World Records” were a big success with DC1 at that stage. Most hops on one leg, fastest run to the tree and back, most star jumps - my job was counting (somewhat inaccurately if I got distracted) while he tired himself out.

45 minutes of this and we could get back to the house. Even reflux babies can manage 45 minutes a couple of times a week.

If your parents or in-laws are happy to take DD out or to their house from time to time that’s also a win. But there’s lots you can do to make your life easier as well.

Just to add my 3yo does go to pre-school so i don’t normally feel this overwhelmed. I think it’s just the Christmas holidays have been a lot! DH works in hospitality so no time off. It would’ve been nice if GP’s had offered some help but i will be better to ask for help in future.

Thanks for all the non-judgmental and genuine suggestions for help. Someone suggested a sling and that sounds perfect for the baby so I’m looking into one asap.

I’ve mentioned this to my mum and help is offered but often a play date at her house (never outside) and I have to drop her (lives 5 mins walk) which is a big task with two kids and I just feel like it’s a huge favour to ask

I don't understand this at all

Why is a 5 min walk to your Mums to drop off 3 yo a big ask?

Why don't you invite a friend over for 3 yo to play with if they are so bored at home ?

Yes, YABU to expect this. I would suggest asking.... worst they can say is no.

I have three children, 15 mths between the eldest two - it's hard, really hard but my experience some GP's are a lifesaver and others are not.

My children's' GP's all fell into the no help at all category unfortunately. It is pointless being upset / annoyed etc. it doesn't change anything and just makes you feel worse. My recomendation is to ask - it will clarify which category they fit in, if it's the no help category just move on and do y expect anything - you can't be disappointed the.

My youngest is now 9 - the early days of baby / toddler pass so quickly. Your 3 year old will be fine, maybe meet up with other mums of similar age children - divide and conquer works in my experience!

He does this and takes the 3yo swimming every week on his day off.

I just think the Xmas holidays have got to me a bit today. Back to normal routine next week!

It would’ve been nice if GP’s had offered some help

THIS is what makes you sound entitled and a bit wimpy

I'm going to be that person who suggests getting out and about using a sling - if the baby needs to be upright a lot, it seems an obvious solution. I spent a lot of time outdoors with my older two (2 and a half year age gap), ds2 in the sling and under a babywearing coat when it was cold.

As far as your AIBU goes, I agree with various others - YWNBU to ask, YWBU to expect.

Edit: I missed that someone else had suggested a sling. I found a carrier like the Marsupi, Ergo or Manduca to be most practical - supportive for their spines (unlike the Babybjörn type things) and less faff than a wrap sling.

Could your Mum look after the baby (not when feed is due) to allow you time to take three year old out?

I wish your parents and ILs could see you're struggling. It would be so helpful if they had a rota to come and help at bath time and just to take your older child out for an hour. I'll be in their position next year and I've got it all planned - baby groups, the library, the park, cafes etc. I'm going to enjoy every minute. And no, I didn't love taking my own kids to the park every day, especially when it was cold, but I'd do it for an hour at a time, as long as we could go to a cafe for a hot drink afterwards!

A rota? What the flip - I've never heard of parents and in laws having to sign up to a rota!!!!

Can you just ask? Sorry if I've missed that.. seems simple and they like being involved.

Well considering on MN GPs are the devil incarnate (especially in law GPs) if they dare ask to spend time with the children away from the parent, they are probably terrified to ask if you need support

Have an honest conversation with them or if it’s better you speak to your parents and your DH speak to his. If they say no then at least you know. If they say yes then everyone wins

sorry, I missed the bit explaining why your partner can't take the elder one out to run off energy.

Also if you are struggling taking them both out. Then get a cheap double buggy off Facebook and strap them both in and go for a walk.

You can then drop the three year old off.

Also could your partner drop him offat your mum's on the way to work

I don't think you sound entitled at all!!!
Why would parents not want to help out their children. This attitude baffles me.
I could not have worked if it wasnt for my dp.
If/when am lucky enough to become a gm I will definitely be babysitting without having to be asked.

Same question from me! 🙄

It's cold at the moment. Ask when it's nicer weather, and for now when DP is home one of you can do some trips to the park etc.

If your mum wants to stay in can't you drop the baby with her and take the 3 year old out to the park yourself?