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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP only wants to eat luxury food but doesn’t bring a luxury wage?

326 replies

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 00:20

I earn well, 6 figures and my DP is a tradie earning circa 30k a year.

He seems to think just because I earn well he should only eat luxury food from m&s. We are not married yet but he discussed getting a ‘pre-op‘ which I can only assume means a prenup. However he has no assets or money so it’s merely to give him what I’ve earned.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 02/01/2025 00:22

Why do you think this wannabe cocklodger is the right person for you to marry? Your money is the best thing about you as far as he's concerned. Do you not think you deserve more than that?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/01/2025 00:24

What do you eat? Because I couldn't eat lobster while DH eats bread. But if you are frugal and he's poncey that's different.

Do you plan to have kids?

theduchessofspork · 02/01/2025 00:24

Yeah right

Disgustin · 02/01/2025 00:25

I earn more than my DH and don't begrudge him nice food. You don't need to be earning a fortune to shop at m&s.

Do you resent him for not matching your salary?

Weefreetiffany · 02/01/2025 00:25

Why would you marry him if you dont like or respect him?

Original poster
Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 00:26

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/01/2025 00:24

What do you eat? Because I couldn't eat lobster while DH eats bread. But if you are frugal and he's poncey that's different.

Do you plan to have kids?

I will suggest homemade meals from scratch and I enjoy cooking, but if he finishes work first he’ll use my Apple Pay and purchase dine in meals for £15 and stuff for his work lunch the next day. When I bring it up, he says ah stop being so tight.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 02/01/2025 00:26

I don’t really understand. Do you live together, eat together and share the shopping?

ETA crosspost

Gggglinda · 02/01/2025 00:27

How does he have access to your Apple Pay? Why can't he use his own?

Gymnopedie · 02/01/2025 00:27

Think about the relationship more widely. Are you his partner or his meal ticket? (No pun intended given that the thread is about food.)

What else does he expect you to pay for? What does he contribute - financially, practically, emotionally? Whose house do you live in, does he pay his fair share of the bills?

I know you've only given a snapshot but it does sound like he's more interested in your money than in you.

Pantotime · 02/01/2025 00:28

Nah, he sees you as a literal meal ticket. He’s a user with £££ in his eyes.

coxesorangepippin · 02/01/2025 00:28

😂

Achocolateroux · 02/01/2025 00:28

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 00:26

I will suggest homemade meals from scratch and I enjoy cooking, but if he finishes work first he’ll use my Apple Pay and purchase dine in meals for £15 and stuff for his work lunch the next day. When I bring it up, he says ah stop being so tight.

Show quote history

I don’t get some of the responses on this thread. It’s clear from your Op he wants to spend more than you’re comfortable with.

YANBU - you’re not married and have no shared children presumably so to me it’s a red flag that he’s so eager to spend your money like this. You need to put a stop to him using your Apple Pay.

How long have you been together? How do you split other expenses in your household?

StormingNorman · 02/01/2025 00:28

Why does he have your Apple Pay - is that the account the food shop comes out of?

MumChp · 02/01/2025 00:28

Say no and move on.

Original poster
Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 00:28

We live together, I pay the mortgage and bills as I had the house before he came along.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 02/01/2025 00:28

if his behaviour to date isn't enough of a red flag and you still plan to get married, get a pre nup agreement drawn up that protects your assets. and also come to an agreement on how you will split expenses while married.

nocoolnamesleft · 02/01/2025 00:30

So he's a cocklodger?

StormingNorman · 02/01/2025 00:31

What you have is a cocklodger with access to your money. If you are paying for all the bills, he should be buying the food with his own money at the very least.

Pomegranatecarnage · 02/01/2025 00:31

Be very, very careful.

BestestBrownies · 02/01/2025 00:31

He sounds grabby, entitled, and thick (pre-op? Seriously?)

Surely you know you're worth more than this?

Sazzerss · 02/01/2025 00:32

Aren't you the foolish woman being used by this cheeky fxxker.

If you continue being a mug, you cant be surprised that you are treated as one.

Original poster
Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 00:32

The set up is fine, it’s just I feel a bit used when I try to save a lot for future children and he’s quite happy to splash the cash as long as it’s not on his card.

He wants children, and wants to be a stay at home dad as that’s his dream and will save on childcare.

OP posts:
Whocanbelieveit · 02/01/2025 00:32

Is he buying the M&S dine in meals because he can’t (be bothered to), cook from scratch? Then while he is in M&S with your money he is buying himself a delicious easy lunch.

Meadowfinch · 02/01/2025 00:32

You may earn well but you aren:'t bright enough to spot a grade A cocklodger with his feet under your table?

Change the password on your ApplePay. Cook what you want in your home. If he doesn't like it, he knows where the takeaway is.

And start charging him rent. Where is your self respect?

DoComeToMeKitty · 02/01/2025 00:34

He sounds like my ex who is used to squander all his money at Waitrose while contributing a minimal amount to household finances and I shopped at Lidl and bought all out DCs things second hand.

Your earnings are massively imbalanced, he seems like a bit of a gold-digger tbh.