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Original poster

DP only wants to eat luxury food but doesn’t bring a luxury wage?

326 replies

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 00:20

I earn well, 6 figures and my DP is a tradie earning circa 30k a year.

He seems to think just because I earn well he should only eat luxury food from m&s. We are not married yet but he discussed getting a ‘pre-op‘ which I can only assume means a prenup. However he has no assets or money so it’s merely to give him what I’ve earned.

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/01/2025 01:06

he was kind to you - so what !

that is not a good enough reason to bankroll someone !

you earn enough - get therapy / counselling

and get rid of golden dick

Weefreetiffany · 02/01/2025 01:07

Please look up trauma bonding and emotional manipulation. I promise theres nothing wrong with you, conflict is normal as long as its followed by repair and mutual respect. Do you feel like he respects you when you fight?

Original poster
Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 01:09

Weefreetiffany · 02/01/2025 01:07

Please look up trauma bonding and emotional manipulation. I promise theres nothing wrong with you, conflict is normal as long as its followed by repair and mutual respect. Do you feel like he respects you when you fight?

No because he will just roll his eyes repeatedly at me and he doesn’t take anyone’s POV other than his own.

OP posts:
Thatcastlethere · 02/01/2025 01:10

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 01:03

He was kind to me when I was going through a hard time with my mental health and I fell for him. I have some teen/early adolescent trauma and he knows all about that, although sometimes will use it in an argument - for example ‘ah this is why they say to stay away from the trauma girls’ but I’m never shouting or offensive as I hate loud confrontation, I’m just very assertive in my expectations and he doesn’t like that.

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It sounds like he helped you thru a certain time but now the scales are falling from your eyes.. he's taking the piss quite a lot speaking to you like that. Expecting you to endlessly fund him..
No sex is good enough to merit this.

Sunshine1500 · 02/01/2025 01:10

No definitely not okay daily if he’s always spending your money and you are also paying for the roof over his head. He should be paying for all the shopping when he’s doing it. Definitely remove your Apple Pay and see how he responds.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/01/2025 01:11

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 01:03

He was kind to me when I was going through a hard time with my mental health and I fell for him. I have some teen/early adolescent trauma and he knows all about that, although sometimes will use it in an argument - for example ‘ah this is why they say to stay away from the trauma girls’ but I’m never shouting or offensive as I hate loud confrontation, I’m just very assertive in my expectations and he doesn’t like that.

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How many thousands of pounds is he expecting you to pay for his kindness?

A man who loves you is kind for the love of being kind. A man who is after all he can get will make you feel bad and belittled.

Stop with the applepay. Do it without telling him. Get a new debit card so it wont work on his app and dont say anything. See what his reaction is. Say that you would prefer him to not have your card on his app anymore. If his reaction is anger, calling you tight, selfish etc then you know that he is with you just for your money. If he is understanding and kind, then you know that he is in it for love and just got carried away. Its a simple way to find out what you are dealing with.

Notrynajudge · 02/01/2025 01:12

Wannabe cocklodger 😂

Sorry but you know YANBU, you need to get rid. Please do not even contemplate having a child with this joke of a man.

I want to say though YABVU for putting up with this shit.

shuggles · 02/01/2025 01:12

healthybychristmas · 02/01/2025 00:22

Why do you think this wannabe cocklodger is the right person for you to marry? Your money is the best thing about you as far as he's concerned. Do you not think you deserve more than that?

"Cocklodger" is an outrageous term and I'm pretty sure the point of being in a relationship is having pooled resources. When someone earns a lot of money, it's often because their family or partner enabled them to do so.

Would you want to be called a "cocklodger" if you found yourself in a relationship with someone who earned 6 figures?

UncharteredWaters · 02/01/2025 01:12

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 01:03

He was kind to me when I was going through a hard time with my mental health and I fell for him. I have some teen/early adolescent trauma and he knows all about that, although sometimes will use it in an argument - for example ‘ah this is why they say to stay away from the trauma girls’ but I’m never shouting or offensive as I hate loud confrontation, I’m just very assertive in my expectations and he doesn’t like that.

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He is a horrible manipulative bully.

Get rid of him, you deserve so much more!

Ariadneefron · 02/01/2025 01:13

You sound like you look down on him.

Passwordsaremynemesis · 02/01/2025 01:13

Surely this can’t real? I can’t believe anyone would put up with this crap.

Mrsbloggz · 02/01/2025 01:14

Ariadneefron · 02/01/2025 01:13

You sound like you look down on him.

That'll be because he's reprehensible!

Notrynajudge · 02/01/2025 01:15

shuggles · 02/01/2025 01:12

"Cocklodger" is an outrageous term and I'm pretty sure the point of being in a relationship is having pooled resources. When someone earns a lot of money, it's often because their family or partner enabled them to do so.

Would you want to be called a "cocklodger" if you found yourself in a relationship with someone who earned 6 figures?

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On the contrary I think cocklodger is a brilliant term. Succinct and to the point😂

It's the M&S taste on a Lidl budget that OP has a problem with, not that she is the higher earner per se.

BubblePerm · 02/01/2025 01:15

I feel a bit used...
This feeling won't go away. This is who he is.
Protect yourself, change you Apple password and think about your future financial security and that of your children.
You don't need him for any of that.

Loveshoney · 02/01/2025 01:15

He should at the very least be contributing a proportion to all bills based on your relative earnings. The facts that he is so free and easy with your money and has asked for a prenuptial agreement are huge red flags. Sounds pretty cocklodgery to me, I'm afraid.

Original poster
Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 01:16

Ariadneefron · 02/01/2025 01:13

You sound like you look down on him.

I’m feeling resentful tonight, and that comment in my opening post was unkind. I just was feeling frustrated.

OP posts:
CactusSammy · 02/01/2025 01:16

He wants children, and wants to be a stay at home dad as that’s his dream

I bet it is.

He's won the golden ticket already, living off you rent and bill free. For Christ's sake don't have kids with this cocklodger.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/01/2025 01:16

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 01:03

He was kind to me when I was going through a hard time with my mental health and I fell for him. I have some teen/early adolescent trauma and he knows all about that, although sometimes will use it in an argument - for example ‘ah this is why they say to stay away from the trauma girls’ but I’m never shouting or offensive as I hate loud confrontation, I’m just very assertive in my expectations and he doesn’t like that.

Show quote history

Just reading further.......

So he found you when you were suffering from bad MH. Knows about your past trauma and uses it against you, to the point of insulting, when you push back at him?

Please get rid. He is not only a user but an abusive user and he makes you so fucking grateful to have this little snot make the right noises and pretend he loves you that you will put up with anything.

Spend his M&S shopping money on proper therapy so you dont get taken in by a shite like this again. Swooping in on traumatised rich girls is actually a thing. I had no idea, my DD told me that it is part of the Andrew Hateesque movement a "take them for all they have" type thing. Blew my mind. Sounds like he is one of them.

HPandthelastwish · 02/01/2025 01:16

@shuggles you can't have been around here long if you find 'cocklodger' an outrageous term.

It describes a man who brings nothing to a relationship but is happy to be bankrolled and cleaned up after

It's not about the amount the two parties earns it's about the effort they go into bringing partnership into a relationship. Just because you don't earn as much doesn't man you can't contribute in other ways.

beAsensible1 · 02/01/2025 01:16

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 00:32

The set up is fine, it’s just I feel a bit used when I try to save a lot for future children and he’s quite happy to splash the cash as long as it’s not on his card.

He wants children, and wants to be a stay at home dad as that’s his dream and will save on childcare.

😂 are you trolling? You pay mortgage and bills?
why are you not sharing some of the expenses? He is working currently and there are no children, why wouldn’t he contribute to bills?

remove your Apple Pay from his phone. That’s not on. He doesn’t even have any outgoings ffs

Aspargar · 02/01/2025 01:17

Doesn’t sound like you like him at all. I’m fact you talk about him with distain. Mocking him for saying pre-op

How do you think marriage works? There’s already laws that govern divorce and split of assets. It’s a legal contract remember

So while he comes with nothing into the marriage. He would be due half of martial assets acquired during the length of the marriage. So that includes the M&S picky bits….

vikingnorthutsiresouthutsire · 02/01/2025 01:18

No one can be this stupid, surely?

Achocolateroux · 02/01/2025 01:18

I’m just very assertive in my expectations and he doesn’t like that.

Assertive really? Lol! What expectations do you actually have for him?

You seem to think it’s understandable he refuses to pay for his own groceries despite living rent and bill free at your expense. You’re not even demanding the bare minimum from him which would be to go half on bills and groceries since you’re paying the mortgage alone.

If he has debts because he clearly couldn’t afford to live alone, he should be aggressively paying them so he’s debt free soon now that he’s in this very fortunate financial situation. And if he wants to still splash out on M&S that should come at the expense of his “leisure” budget.

If you actually were assertive and demanded the basics from him, I’m almost certain he would pack up and leave to find a new woman to leech off.

Ooral · 02/01/2025 01:18

Stargreystar · 02/01/2025 00:32

The set up is fine, it’s just I feel a bit used when I try to save a lot for future children and he’s quite happy to splash the cash as long as it’s not on his card.

He wants children, and wants to be a stay at home dad as that’s his dream and will save on childcare.

This is a joke / reverse / troll??

Happyaslarry24 · 02/01/2025 01:19

We are not married yet but he discussed getting a ‘pre-op‘ which I can only assume means a prenup.

why are you with this illiterate “tradie”? Seems to be you look down on him.

You don’t seem very classy OP