DP only wants to eat luxury food but doesn’t bring a luxury wage?

[Stargreystar]

I earn well, 6 figures and my DP is a tradie earning circa 30k a year.

He seems to think just because I earn well he should only eat luxury food from m&s. We are not married yet but he discussed getting a ‘pre-op‘ which I can only assume means a prenup. However he has no assets or money so it’s merely to give him what I’ve earned.

@Achocolateroux For him to be earning 2.4K take home every month he would be earning closer to 40K every year. As an FYI if he is getting 2.4 take home each month and he’s told you he earns 30K (pre-tax) he’s misleading you.

It may be more probable that OP is conflating £30k with £40k. Average salaries all look the same when you are in a tower and on £100k.

In the tower on £100k? Ha! £100k isn’t much to be considered being ‘up in the ivory tower’.

@LondonPapa In the tower on £100k? Ha! £100k isn’t much to be considered being ‘up in the ivory tower’.

If anyone ever needed a text book example of "out of touch," this is it.

Or there is some mixing up between gross and net.

And while to me 100k is life changing, it really isnt ivory tower level money depending on where you live.

@PyongyangKipperbang And while to me 100k is life changing, it really isnt ivory tower level money depending on where you live.

£100k is a top 2% salary. That people don't recognise this is perhaps a good indication that brains and a high salary don't necessarily go hand in hand.

Uh huh. Only a £100k salary isn’t a lot in the grand scheme of things. But you accuse me of being out of touch if it makes you feel better :)

So you pay all your living expenses
He uses your apple pay to buy food

So he pays for nothing?
All his earnings are for his personal expenses

First of all cut off the apple pay
Second think seriously about marriage - how would having children work?

Yes, I'd get a pre nup & protect your assets - the house, that you had pre him & pay ALL yhe bills for.

@LondonPapa Only a £100k salary isn’t a lot

Not a lot for the financially inept.

Not sure if I missed what he does but if he's a qualified tradesman I'm surprised he only earns £30k. The tradies I know are pretty well paid and have nice homes and cars.

Ultimately it's clear from your first post you have a lot of distain for him. That might be warranted but there's no way back for your relationship when you're grudging him eating M&S (not posh btw) food and mocking his grammatical errors.

He sounds like a freeloader to me.
I wouldn't marry him.

What the hell are people talking about? She's letting him live there without paying any rent and bills and he's still trying to spend her money

OP, this man is using you. Can you really not see that? I'm so concerned that you are an intelligent woman in a good job that cannot see when somebody is just using you for money.

Look at your friends at work. What are their relationships like? Look at the best relationship you know. Would the guy treat the woman like that?

And of course he wants to be a stay at home parent. That's his ultimate goal. He gets to keep the kids if you split up and you will have to pay him maintenance for 20 years.

And you can come home to a tidy house if you pay for a cleaner, you don't have to have some user living there doing it.

OP, how are you now? Did you break up with him

Cut off his access to your Apple Pay and see if he pays for it with his own money cheeky sod!
get rid of him he’s using you to pay for his life what’s he bringing to yours! I’m not surprised he wants to be a stay at home dad he want the life you can provide for him not you! Don’t marry him! He will leave with half your hose more access to your kids than you with loads of your equity due to you having means to support them and him not!

Doesn't sound like you think much of him tbh but you’re considering marrying him 🤷‍♀️.

Is there an update for this OP?

He's a user get rid. I had one of these "we were partners", "its not his fault he earns less" all this bollocks. I didn't mind at the time paying more of the house, etc- thats what partners do. The first thing that tipped me over the edge were the little visits to M&S to grab something for dinner, he'd 'pop' in with my card and happily spend sixty quid a time because "we" could afford it. There'd be nothing in there for me, just junk and treats for him

Remove his access to your payment card details and see how he reacts.

No. It was a while back so I forget the guy's name now, but there was an article once that I've always remembered about some psychologist who'd spent years counselling couples and making a study over years of the signs of relationships that fail and the gist of it was that it's the one thing relationships don't recover from. When couples are showing open contempt for each other, divorce almost always follows. I think he could predict it with 98% accuracy or something like that. Your contempt for him is obvious, and he's not even trying to hide his contempt for you.

Why would you WANT to "work past it"? He sounds appalling. Ditch him now, or do it a few years down the line and lose half of everything you've worked for. (And maybe custody of the kids, if he's been the SAHP). Wise up.

Of course he does! How much housework does he do currently?

Great news OP!

Why should she think much of him? Did you not see his 'trauma girls' comment?

well she doesn’t have to obviously but I’m just not sure why marriage would be on the cards if she can see he’s an arse.

You have concerns regarding money now... it will only get worse if you marry him. Yes... sounds like he your "tradie" does like your 6 figure salary. Red Flag. Red Flag

Hence why she's qestioning it!

Yes. And?