DP only wants to eat luxury food but doesn’t bring a luxury wage?

[Stargreystar]

I earn well, 6 figures and my DP is a tradie earning circa 30k a year.

He seems to think just because I earn well he should only eat luxury food from m&s. We are not married yet but he discussed getting a ‘pre-op‘ which I can only assume means a prenup. However he has no assets or money so it’s merely to give him what I’ve earned.

I'm guessing his one talent.

Is this a reverse?

The bedroom 😂

You are a fool. Don’t have children with this man, he is taking you for a ride

Ah right, were his debts with utilities over 1k then? Because they normally cut you off 🫠

What's his hobbies? The local yacht club? Or funding his private plane.

I don’t like people spending my money for me. Especially a man I am just dating.

I have dated wealthier men and never acted like this with them. Hobosexual are very unattractive to me.

First stop is not letting him access your Applepay.

Second stop is finding someone within your tax bracket that is also capable of good sex. This is the second I’ve noticed recently with this issue of men taking advantage.

If you don't like him then don't marry him.
And it doesn't sound like you respect him much... which could be justified.
A pre nup would be more to protect you surely as in a normal marriage without a pre nup it's the lower earner who will be legally protected in the event of divorce
A pre nup is more to avoid that, legally ringfencing the higher earners wealth as theirs.
But really if you are living together their should be some kind of compromise.
He does sound ridiculously extravagant but there must be a way for you to have a conversation about food budget?
My husband is the higher earner in our marriage and I do have higher food standards than him. He'd happily live off supermarket brand fish fingers and unbranded instant noodles. He doesn't understand the need to buy anything else. I have had to put my foot down about it and demand we buy fresh fruit and veg.
However we do have kids, and also I'm not constantly demanding deliveroo I just want to eat healthily with good quality ingredients. I like to cook from scratch.. but I wouldn't be able to afford the things I make myself on my wage alone.

I think you don't need this reason not to marry him. You might be incompatible and if you are already feeling used.. just end it now.
If you di want to marry him you are going to have to have a discussion about food budget that compromises. It's obviously important to him to eat fancy. I'm sure you have things that are important to you that he wouldn't deem to be important.
But as a partnership who are setting a joint food budget a compromise should be negotiated. Come up with something you think is reasonable and run it past him. Have clear boundaries regarding it. Don't agree the idea together, and then give him your credit card to buy take out more than agreed. Write down the budget you come up with.. make sure he knows there's some scope for him to be ordering the food he likes. Discuss it together. Then stick to it. Don't let him use your money to buy food more than you have agreed to when you discussed it.

but he does need money for his hobbies and for leisure.

Oh c'mon OP. You are bankrolling him to the Nth degree.

If he doesn't have a golden dick what DOES he bring to your life?

Also - how on earth does he have access to your Apple Pay?

The point I was making is unless the debts are huge - which is a red flag in itself - he should have plenty left to buy groceries from M&S or Waitrose or wherever he wants to considering he doesn’t pay rent or utilities in your house.

Multiple posters have shared they earn similar or less and pay for everything including rent (AND even M&S 🤭) by themselves.

And you didn’t address the fact you said his take home is 2.4K whereas someone earning 30K is on 2K a month. Did you get his annual salary wrong or his monthly?

@Stargreystar don't think so!

contempt

Why does he have your Apple Pay?
Do take out a pre nup and protect the interest you already have in your home, your premarrital savings and any likely inheritances..

So you're thinking with your fanny?

You need to start thinking with your brain.

So what does he pay for?

Hobosexual is my favourite word, not heard many others using it @JHound

In my OP it says circa 30k. I’ve never asked him for payslips

Oh.....you are clearly not stupid if you can earn what you do, so why the hell are being so blind as to not see what is right in front of you?!

He uses your money to live well and calls you tight when you object. Pays nothing towards accomodation or living expenses. Wants to be a SAHP while still living the lush lifestyle.

He has won the cocklodgers lottery.

Not least because if you do have kids and split up he will most likely be classed as the primary care giver so you will be paying him maintenance.

Why are you putting up with this? What is so special about him that he is worth you paying many many thousands of pounds a year to be graced with his company?

oof. I would start asking for payslips 😂 seriously though, you deserve better, listen to the women here trying to lift you up

You could get a male escort in twice a week for less than he is costing you.

And thats not even starting on what he is doing to your self belief, self esteem and confidence.

So cute he thinks M&S is luxury. Cancel his authorisation on your credit cards and the problem will sort itself out.

He was kind to me when I was going through a hard time with my mental health and I fell for him. I have some teen/early adolescent trauma and he knows all about that, although sometimes will use it in an argument - for example ‘ah this is why they say to stay away from the trauma girls’ but I’m never shouting or offensive as I hate loud confrontation, I’m just very assertive in my expectations and he doesn’t like that.

If you really do earn six figures I think a £15 meal deal is reasonable for dinner. Does he contribute in other ways ? If the set up works for you just remove your Apple Pay so he needs to use his own money.

One a week yes, but not daily.

For him to be earning 2.4K take home every month he would be earning closer to 40K every year. As an FYI if he is getting 2.4 take home each month and he’s told you he earns 30K (pre-tax) he’s misleading you.

But that aside the main issue is he’s taking you for a mug which you seem strangely so complacent about. Apparently you’re delighted by his bedroom “talents” , but surely even if your self esteem is at rock bottom you want more from a relationship than to be a sugar mama who is controlled by your partner that shuts you down with the silent treatment and dictates how much he can spend of your money on food ?

Serious question - do you think he would be with you if you didn’t earn 6 figures and weren’t allowing him to live rent and bill free?