To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

Can you self certify for a week then go from there?
Something has to change in the long term though. Otherwise once you're back at work it'll just happen all over again.

Do you just feel you need the time off or do you want to work towards feeling better about what you need to achieve @Bhuwilo ?

No I wouldn't do it on the basis it's not my colleague's fault that my husband works away and I have DC.

Planned annual leave is there for a reason, taking a few leisurely weeks off is not fair on anyone.

If someone is close to a burnout, as the OP says, then it's not "a leisurely few weeks" is it?

Just do it. Take the time to do things to make it easier in the long term, like a good declutter. There's more to life than work.

You need to take sick leave for mental health reasons. Nothing wrong with that.

Can you break down where exactly the problems are? It's hard to see why you're exhausted to this extent without more detail I think. I'm not doubting you, just wondering if posters will be able to help more with some more info.

For example if it's time in the morning, can you drop off earlier, negotiate a later start at work, reduce your hours, or use a childminder to do the drop off?

Go for unpaid leave or get your husband to stay at home.....

If you're not coping perhaps you should start thinking of going part time.

She'll be suffering from the same burnout when she goes back to work, assuming she'll still have a husband who works away and a young child at nursery.

She also says she doesn't have 'enough' annual leave, which implies she has some.

She needs to use that up instead of taking the piss.

And also, why isn't she asking her husband to take time off if his wife is suffering?

Considering the burnout is being caused by living in the same home and raising the same DC.

I have every sympathy but you're just doing what thousands of us have had to do before you. It is bloody hard, I went back to teaching full time when both my boys were 5 months old, I had two on the nursery run with a husband working long hours and he was a Town Councillor and the bloody Mayor of our town when my youngest turned 2 😂 I felt exactly the same as you but at no point would I have gone 'off sick' because I wasn't, I was just busy. Talk to your GP and see what they say, but you'll also have to consider what impact it may have in your current and future career options if you've taken long term sick. If you really can't cope then see if your GP will support you. It will get better though, though I know that won't help now!

What are you going to do when your kid goes to school and you don’t get 8-6 nursery days any more, it’s only going to get worse. Make some changes now to save your sanity long term. Can you go hybrid, part time or can your partner get a job closer to home?

The questions I would be asking , can Dh take some leave .

what do you actually want to work on because I know for me staying home with no plans would mean sitting in front of of the Tv feeling I am wasting my day .

have you or Dh had any leave over Christmas .

do you take it in turns getting up with the LO.

i do agree with pp it’s finding a way that works for you liber term

You could apply for parental leave. That way you can legitimately have a block of time off.

The issue is it won’t solve the issue - you’ll have a rest but life carries on once you go back.

You need a wholesale review of your arrangements.

I’ve been here and it’s bloody hard but I made significant changes to working patterns and childcare arrangements which have completely changed things.

If you’re too sick to work then go off sick, if not then go to work. Only you know which it is in this situation.

You're not sick though. You're busy, like the majority of people. Change your lifestyle if it's not working for you but I don't think it's a sick leave issue.

It's pretty lame. Most people with toddlers feel pretty much like that. Something needs to change long term if you can't handle dh working away. That would be a better thing to do, otherwise what happens the next time you feel "tired"? Does working away mean that he earns enough for you to drop to part-time hours? Would that be an option with your current job?

i would use parental leave rather than sick leave.

Please take burn out seriously. I ignored it and it left me considering suicide because my anxiety levels were so high. I took a month off after discussing it with a very understanding manager and I came back my old self. That was 6 years ago and it’s never happened since.

I would get signed off.

After experiencing burn out and a breakdown a few years ago I wish more than anything I prioritised my mental health and was signed off for a week or two rather than it escalate a take longer to recover from. I would if you really are at breaking point have a week off AND talk to DH about how you’re struggling mentally and physically with him working away during the week. Something needs to change for the long term x

Exactly what I wrote above. If you wait until you have hit rock bottom it takes longer to recover.

It’s just awful isn’t it? I don’t think you can fully understand the all consuming depression and anxiety that comes with it. My brewed for 8 months before I was forced to face up to it.

Forever grateful to have a great employer

What's going to happen after you have a few weeks off though? Unless you can come up with a plan to improve matters then surely you will be in the same position again in a couple of months.

Also, it's not a race to the bottom but as others have said, you shouldn't particularly be this exhausted working and with one child. Are there other factors at play? I know you said DH works away during the week but what is his contribution at weekends - do you get to lie in, have a break from your toddler, get to go out for coffee or meet friends - in short, is he doing things to help you?

Can you afford to get some help with cleaning, gardening, whatever?

Do you have family who can occasionally help with babysitting or providing the odd dinner?

How is your health - if you are short of sleep or rundown, then everything is going to seem like a mountain to climb. Do you need to take some supplements?

More radically - can you drop a day at work? Is there anything else in your life which can be sidelined for the moment?

Going off sick won’t help if you just have a few weeks off then go back to the same routine.

Going off sick to prevent burnout and establish a new routine/ re-establish order is ok if it’s what you need to protect your mental health.

Think about what you need to change to make things easier/ better for you. I’ve listed some suggestions, only you and DH will know what will be best for your family/ finances etc. obviously none of Theresa will be the answer alone but may give you something to think about about.

Remember, if you need to go off sick to protect your mental health, that is ok. You don’t need to feel guilty or worry about your colleagues as mentioned up thread. That is for your/ their line manager to consider.

Reducing hours, compressing hours, switching to a childminder, using a nanny, nursery in diffrent location, hiring a cleaner, meal delivery service, using a laundry service, preparing the nursery bag for the whole week rather then each day, giving yourself more time in the mornings to not feel rushed, DD having breakfast at nursery if an option, same for nursery lunch.